


The art of pain

by AnonymousXY



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Humiliation, In the end, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Torture, Violence, it becomes fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-10 09:16:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 48,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3284969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousXY/pseuds/AnonymousXY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haizaki is out for revenge and found the perfect target.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Uaaah, why did i write this? I couldn´t choose between a fluffy and a dark one, but then I got sick and annoyed so I chose the dark one-wow, I´m not going to psychoanalyze this shit-so here I present the result. It probably will be maximal three chapters, maybe two-I´m not sure yet, so ah, yeah. Well, I´m sorry for what will come  
> No rape or violence in this chapter and I´m not sure about the rating-may go up...

Chapter one 

 

 

Haizaki wasn´t the type of guy who actually _hoped_ for something, he just dealt with everything that was thrown at him as fast as possible. Mostly in the worst way. But after the Winter Cup he actually hoped for something, a change or something like that-but nothing happened. Everything was still the same and he was left feeling unsatisfied in every way. He didn´t get back on that bastard Kise or Aomine, neither on Akashi. Moreover he had lost against both of them-on the court against Kise and against Aomine off the court. Damn, that bastard had hurt more than his face with that punch, but what had made him even angrier was that he couldn´t throw that basketball shoes away like the first time when that annoying midget Kuroko had the sudden urge to try to charm him back into the team. Now he not only had lost against these arrogant rainbow freaks but also against himself. He didn´t fucking care, god damn it! Transferring the sudden angry rush into his legs he kicked an empty tin over the sidewalk glaring at the people who looked at him with distaste. Fucking lonesome shits. 

 

So… what to do? He even had no more energy to hit on some girl, his head was a mess and he needed to sort out this mess. Haizaki wasn´t even sure why it itched him in the way it did, but damn it was annoying. He never really gave a damn-sure he had been beyond pissed when Akashi had thrown him out of the team, but after two or three days he had easily moved so… _why_ couldn´t he now? It had been over two month since the winter cup and he still saw those pictures before he went to sleep, felt his loss against Kise over and over again. His talk with Akashi replayed in his mind, Aomines punch hurt him while he ate and Kurokos blank eyes stared at him when he closed his eyes.  
Haizaki growled, gave the tin a last forceful kick before turning right into a small street which led to a basketball court he sometimes used, just to stand in front of the basket until he turned around and left again without having played at all. 

“Haaaah, interesting…” he smirked as he watched the scene in front of him. The court he used to play on was surrounded by cheering people, mostly girls and young boys, but he paid them no mind as he rudely made his way through the crowd, pushing past a few girls but only smirking at them when they began to complain. As he turned to the court he nearly lost the hold of bag. Haizaki clenched his fists in anger and stared with furious disbelief at the scene in front of him.

“Kagamicchi, pass to me!” 

“You´re not in my team, you idiot!”

“So unfair!”

“Kise-kun, please play seriously or we need to ban you from the court.”

“So mean!”

“Oi, Kagami! Stop messing around already!”

“That´s hardly my fault, Ahomine!”

Kise, Aomine, Kuroko and Kagami were right now standing on the court, obviously absorbed in their bickering until Kuroko gave each of them a snap against the back of their heads. The three others glared at the small guy, all complaining before finding a new reason to fight. At least Aomine and Kagami who were nearly at each other’s throat, but still… the atmosphere was almost friendly it made Haizaki want to puke… disgusting… 

He twitched in anger as he watched the four go back to their two-on-two in annoying seriousness. It wasn´t like he wanted to join him but still… it certainly didn´t mean he liked what he saw. 

But it was indeed interesting. That Kagami guy from Seirin was surely interesting. Even though his serious playing annoyed him to no end it still had impressed him when he had dodged that punch of him. And as it seemed, although it was foreseeable, his so called ex-teammates grew quite fond of the red head when he watched the interactions between them. In any case they looked like they hold a huge respect for that guy. Haizaki scoffed, “or maybe even more…” 

A weakness… Haizaki grinned wickedly as he watched the play in front him continue, an idea in his mind slowly forming itself. The best to get to them all… a weakness they all shared, he licked his lips and followed the path with his finger-finally found one.

 

It was really boring. Watching those fools play for-Haizaki sighed and took a look on his watch-about three hours had become quite tiresome but he had already decided what to do, at least half way. All he knew that he wanted to talk to Seirin´s Ace, maybe throw a few punches and some more, mess him up and send a message to all of his precious teammates. Haizaki gritted his teeth, especially to Kise and Aomine, but Kise was a special case. He grinned. He had seen the look on Kises face and even if they totally didn´t get along Haizaki knew the other well enough to tell when that blond pretty guy _liked_ something or in this case someone. Oh he couldn´t wait to see the expression of him when he saw what he had done to his precious _friend_.

Haizaki clicked his tongue when the group finally separated and everyone went their way home. He rolled his eyes as he observed how Kise clung to Kagamis body, rubbing his cheeks against his shoulder like a dog marking his territory until Kuroko stabbed him into the side and released the blushing red head from Kises grip. 

Licking his fingertip Haizaki got up from the bench he spend the last three hours on and followed the red head in a safe distance where he was able to see him but not close enough to attract the attention of the other guy. It was quite a way they took, but apparently close enough to not take the bus or the underground. But after about 15 minutes they seemed to have reached Kagamis destination and Haizaki whistled when he saw the apartment complex Kagami just entered. Wow, so the boy had money or probably his parents. He spat on the ground in distaste. Tch, made the issue even easier. 

He waited a few minutes until he pressed the bell and grinned when he heard the rough voice from the Ace, still pressured from the outwork he did for the last three hours. Oh man, that would be so easy…

“Hello?”

“Yo, Kagami! You remember me?”

“H-Haizaki?”

He grinned at the disbelieving tone in Kagamis voice-how cute, he did remember him!

“Ah, I´m flattered so you do remember me!”

“Of course I do asshole! You´re the one who threatened Alex and Tatsuya!”

“Ah, well indeed, that was a weak moment for me, but I didn´t want to fight you right now. Well, at least not in this way.”

“Huh? What do you want then?”

“One-on-One, you against me” he grinned. 

“Haaaah? Why should I play against you, you bastard?”

“Why not? You´re afraid?” 

“Of course not! Who would be!”, came the heated response. Gotcha…Haizaki smirked, far too easy Kagami, far too easy. 

“Cool then let´s play!”

“Uh, I just got back from playing with Aomine, Kise and Kuroko so I´m a little bit…”

“Ah, don´t tell me that was all you got Kagami~”

“Haah, no! Just let me at least put on some new clothes or something!”

Haizaki chuckled deeply, “of course, but at least let me in. It´s quite embarrassing to stand in front of you house, your neighbours will think I´m a jealous lover or something.”

“A-as if, moron!”

Then he heard a grumbling, a deep sigh and then the beep of the door was heard allowing him to enter. “Oh Kagami, you have no idea what you have let inside…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys :)  
> Sorry to make you wait so long, but I finally got to sit down and work on this baby. Originally I wanted to write down the Haizaki/Kagami scene in one chapter but because it already took me so long to write this thing here I decided to split it in two chapters, hope you´re alright with it!  
> So in this chapter there will be  
> violence and abuse, the next one will contain darker themes, uh yeah, if you´re alright with that-please enjoy :)

When he stepped inside Kagamis apartment his assumption from the beginning was confirmed. That guy was fucking rich. He scoffed; well it didn´t concern him. 

“That´s a nice apartment you got here” Haizaki spoke his thoughts as he slipped out of his shoes. 

Kagami was eyeing him with obvious dislike and light confusion, probably still asking himself how he got in this situation. Haizaki grinned, “Yo, you´re ready?”  
The other sighed and shook his head. 

“Do I look like it? Just let me get changed and wait here…”

Still a suspicious look on his face he motioned Haizaki to sit on the couch. 

“Do you want to drink something?” 

He looked at Seirins Ace whose clothes were practically drenched in sweat and hang so low on his body that Haizaki could see the moles and dips under Kagamis shoulder and make out the muscular and strong body underneath that shirt.  
The red head felt obviously uncomfortable under Haizakis gaze and he sniggered lowly amusement. 

“No, I´m good”

Kagami nodded, relieved to hear that answer and went to the shower, still wondering what the other guy was doing here. He wasn´t sure how far Haizakis school was from here or if it even was in Tokyo but he guessed it couldn´t be that near so what the hell was the other doing here? To play basketball? 

No way.

\--

When the door closed Haizaki got up and went into the kitchen. He hadn´t really thought what to do after barging into Kagamis house but he was glad that the other obviously lived alone if he interpreted his surroundings right. He had heard about it somewhere even if he didn´t remember where and when but he hadn´t been sure. If someone like Kagamis father had been home he would have needed to wait until they had reached the court and that would have been quite troublesome but right now he had Kagamis whole apartment to serve desires. Now he just needed to think about what to do. Something to scar him, to send a message not to mess with him the stubborn rainbow heads and something that told them they should be careful with the things they held dear. 

He would just beat the other up, maybe scar that tanned skin of his, write his name into his back and make him unable to forget him and what he did-make him unable to trust anyone for a really long time, especially those kinds of the Generation of Miracles. It was just sad that he wasn´t able to see their faces when they saw what he had done to their precious boy. 

Smirking he reached for a kitchen knife, long and sharp, probably used for cutting flesh and let it gently slide along his finger.  
It seemed to smile at him, whispering sweet nothing at his soul and sending images into his head filled with screams and moans in reddish pain which fell from dry lips from the body lying and twitching on the sheets. 

“Haizaki?” 

Named one swallowed hard when the voice of the guy he just fantasized cutting reached his ear. With two big and silent steps he was at the door to the floor and peaked around the corner. Kagami was standing at the passage to the living room, holding a towel in one hand and with another step he was behind him, grabbing both of Kagamis wrists to pin them against his lower back and forcefully pushed him against the wall, forcing the air out of Kagamis lungs.

\--

Kagamis world seemed to shatter the moment his head collided with the wall with a painful thud. A hand grabbed him by the hair to repeat the movement and Kagami groaned in pain as his visual field repeatedly scattered into a million coloured pieces and became so blurry he couldn´t even see where exactly he was.  
What was happening? 

When-Why- another pain shot through his head, cutting off any other thoughts and he moaned at the pang in his forehead -it felt like his head was struck by a lightning- and when he was turned with his back against the wall, his bones gave a strange cracking sound making him wince just at the sound of it.  
Paralyzing horror struck him when a cold blade grazed his throat, cool sharpness pressed against his skin and cold grey eyes stared at him in malice and arrogance and a curtain of pure coldness and numbness seemed to have fallen over Haizakis face. He looked like an animalistic predator right now in the way he focused on Kagamis face. 

“You´re so naïve… Taiga…” he murmured in a deep voice Kagami couldn´t remember hearing before and guided the knife down his throat to the collar of his shirt, pressing the wide side of the blade against his naked skin.  
Kagami swallowed and fought the dizziness which made him feel slightly nauseous. 

“Wh-What are you doing?” he croaked, voice rough from the pain and his throat dry and raspy from the shock. 

Haizaki smirked. 

“I heard you were one of the dense sort, so it may be better if I show you”

Kagami could feel Haizakis breath dancing over his ear as he whispered those words into his ears and he bucked against the body which still pressed him against the wall. 

“Fuck off, you-,” he struggled once more against Haizakis grip and failed. “don´t know a thing!”

Haizaki only pressed him harder against the wall and chuckled lowly, voice dripping in amusement and he tightened the grip around Kagamis wrists. Kagami couldn´t supress the wince and with a sudden pull he was pulled forward, a foot stepped on his own triggering him to trip over his own feet so he fell forward with a shout.  
Kagami gasped as his face crushed against the ground and his nose gave a crunching sound, sending his head spinning. His eyes fluttered as the pain surged through his head before decreasing slowly and as soon he could concentrate on his surroundings again he felt Haizaki foot pressing against his back and his arm was twisted in an uncomfortable way behind his shoulders. 

With blazing eyes he peered back at the boy out of the corner of his eye and gritted his teeth. He could barely see him because his vision still wasn´t intact and small black dots seemed to dance before his eyes.

Fuck, how did that now happen?

He hadn´t much time to think at all because as soon as Haizaki saw he had his attention he pulled Kagamis arm up against his face and Kagami bitted his lips to supress a scream because-fuck that hurt. 

“Hm… maybe I should break you hand?” Haizaki grinned and Kagami froze, staring with wide eyes at the floor beneath him. For the first time since Haizaki surprised him with his attack cold fear flooded his mind and paralyzed his body. 

_Oh God, no, no, no, no-anything but that-anything but that!_

“You´re right handed right?” Haizaki smirked and gave the base of Kagamis hand a nearly sensual lick before biting the place short above his wrist hard with forceful teeth, aiming to break the skin. 

Tears rose in red eyes, shimmering at the corner of his eyes and it wasn´t really the pain but how humiliating the animalistic gesture was-being pinned down to the floor and being manhandled in this position where he couldn´t do anything.  
Kagami let out a small shaking breath. That wasn’t like him-to think there was a situation where he couldn´t do anything and with a determined jerk Kagami pulled at his arm, ignoring the pain in his shoulder and tried to haul his body around so that he could face that bastard and hopefully get a good punch at his face but the Haizakis body seemed hard as steel, not giving an inch and just pulled harder at Kagamis arm making the red head howl in pain. 

_Oh God, it hurt so bad!_

Haizaki gave a tche and dug his feet harder into Kagamis back. 

“Don´t fight me. I´m stronger than you, especially now that you´re all out of stamina from playing with those freaks”  
He laughed and turned Kagami around so that he now was laying on his back, blinking up at Haizaki. 

“You bastard, what the hell do you want from me?!” Kagami hissed. Haizki grinned at him catching the punch Kagami threw at him easily and now held both wrists in his hands. 

“You should listen to people when they´re talking to you, you know? I told you not to fight it. You´re not in any state to oppose me, _Taiga…_ ”

“Don´t call me by my name asshole” Kagami gritted and tried to get his wrists free from Haizakis grasp. 

“I don’t think you can make demands here, so I can call you whatever I want…” Haizaki said unaffected and grabbed both wrists with one hand as he grinning at the red head manically. 

“I can do whatever I want with you.”

And for the next minutes Kagamis knew nothing, Haizaki threw punch after punch at his face, sending shocks of pain through his whole body. His bones crunched again when Haizakis fists collided with his nose and after two more hits Kagami could taste blood in mouth. He tried his best to avoid the blows but the only thing he could was trying to move moving his head away from them because Haizaki still held his hands in an iron grip, but it was no use. After a couple of moments he couldn’t find the strength to even to that.

_How pathetic…_

Kagamis ears rang, a high peeping noise tore through his skull and his vision blurred behind flickering colours and bleary structures that probably were Haizakis laughing face. The noise of his laughter penetrated his ears, echoed in his head and repeated itself over and over again crackling his mind into a million pieces Kagami didn´t know how to pick up. 

God, everything hurt so bad… it was like his skin was too small for his face

“Look at you now, not so strong anymore, huh? Seirin´s new light, I wonder how they would find that, what do you think Taiga-kun?”

_What was he talking about?_

_Who was he talking about?_

Suddenly Haizakis face was only centimetres away from his own and Kagami could even smell his breath if he wasn´t so busy with keeping himself conscious. 

“What a beautiful sight to see, your eyes always made me puke-so full of fire and love for that goddamn sport!” Haizaki sneered and spitted into Kagamis face. It landed on his right cheek, leaving a wet ugly trail of wetness as it slowly ran down his chin. 

Kagami squeezed his eyes shut, whimpering silently _disgusting, disgusting, disgusting!_

Grinning Haizaki leaned back and let go of Kagamis wrists which uselessly fell down on the floor beside him.  
Then Kagami could hear rustling and then a small clicking noise. As he opened one eye he stared right back into the camera of a mobile phone and his eyes widened in confusion and embarrassment. 

“Wh-what are you doing?” he croaked and his voice was barely audible but seeing Haizakis grin he knew that the other had heard him. 

“Taking a nice picture of your face, red really suits you Taiga-chan” 

Raising one hand to his cheeks he stared at his red finger-blood was running down on the side and pooled in the mole between his pointing and middle finger before running over the back of his hand, the red becoming lesser and lesser with every centimetre. 

His jaw clenched in disgust at the red fluid-god, he hated blood.

But at the realization that his hand was now free he curled his still hurting hand into a fist, bracing arms, legs and stomach for the attack and shot forward ignoring the pain in his back as he aimed for Haizakis face with his right hand while bending his knees to regain composure. 

With a slight laugh Haizaki dodged his one punch easily but back in America Kagami hadn´t fought side to side with Himuro for nothing so his left hand collided milliseconds later with Haizakis right cheek. Using the short moment confusion Kagami shoved Haizaki off him with everything he got trying to reach the front door with only the thought of getting out of his apartment as fast as possible. Fuck his pride at being defeated by this asshole, the only thing he cared about right now was getting away as fast as possible because every vein and pore in his body told him to _run._

And Kagami knew when to listen to his instincts because they never had failed him before. Well mostly.

_Out of here!_

_Just… get away as fast as possible!_

Just two steps. The door came nearer and he could barely reach the door knob. Holding his breath, nearly tripping over his own feet as he reached out with his right hand, fingertips just missing the knob and then he was crashed into the door. 

His heart seemed to miss a beat.

Cold laughter rang in his ear and then a hand was in his hair again, grabbing him nearly by the roots to pull him back to press his cheek against Haizakis throat as the other stared him in the eyes-icy grey, so dark it almost seemed black penetrated red orbs, captured fire, frozen in shock-and grinned menacing, showing his teeth. “I told you not to fight back”, a dangerous calm voice whispered into his ear and all Kagami could do was staring at his door-so near the way out and yet unreachable-and he felt tears gather in his eyes. God, he had never felt like this before-helpless and the total mercy of another person. He was so angry, flaming rage bubbled in his guts but all thoughts stopped or more like were thrown out of his head when Haizaki banged his head against the door. Again. 

_What was wrong with him?_

Blazing pain exploded behind his eyes, shot through his head as if someone forced thousands of long rusty nails right into his skull and his vision wavered painfully.  
A hand covered his mouth as a wordless scream wanted to escape his lungs when his head once again collided with the door and his brain seemed to shatter when even the door shook under the force. With helpless movements he tried to free himself out of Haizakis grip and animal like muffled sounds of pain left his mouth; tears ran down his face, mixed with the blood on his temples and the spit that drooled out his mouth which Haizaki still hold caged with his hand. Kagami wasn´t really in control of his body anymore. Everything just screamed at him to move, to flee, to run, to escape but the other just threw him against the door for the third time and through clouded and shaken view he saw Haizakis mad grin for the last time when before stabbing agony ripped through his head and everything went black.

\--

Kagami was thrown out of the comfortable and numb blackness when wetness splashed against his face and forced his eyes to pop open, blinking out of focus without really perceiving his surroundings. He coughed roughly and winced slightly when his throat stung and a foul taste spread in his mouth. 

“Urgh…”

When he tried to move his arms to wipe the water off his face he was met with resistance. Confused he looked up and his chestnut eyes widened in disbelief when he saw that his hands were tied to his own bed by a cloth that looked a lot like a tie which was securely wrapped around his wrists holding him in place, unable to move.  
Cold fear ran through Kagamis body and with trembling lips and eyes he viewed his surroundings, supressing sounds of pain because-fuck-his head hurt like hell, as if someone ran a truck over him, and all of his limbs were numb and cold and a pressing ache in his muscles made him feel heavy like stone. He was in his room, on his bed. The curtains were closed as was the door.  
Panting Kagami tried to pull himself up as far as he could but any more pressure he put upon his shoulders and arms resulted in a wave of stinging pain running into his brain. 

God, everything hurt and ached and _fuck…_

Tears of desperation came up in his eyes, burning hot and angry as Kagami sniffed silently to hold them back at any cost. He wouldn´t cry. He wasn´t a girl for fucks sake, he already cried enough. 

With a wince he remembered the reason he cried and could almost feel Haizakis hits again. Kagami groaned. How did he get in this mess and why was he tied to the bed and what…

“Good evening sunshine, the earth says hello”

Shock ripped through his chest, disrupted his breathing and froze his muscles when the low and deep voice sounded through his room.  
He slowly turned his head around, silently praying he had hallucinations due to the hits on his head but somehow God didn´t listen to him-when did he ever?-and Haizakis figure could never be more real as it now was, leaning against the door and grinning that toothy grin that suddenly reminded Kagami of a shark. 

“H-Haizaki”

Kagami brutally bit on his lower lip. Was this really his voice? Hoarse and weak, still angry but barely noticeable, as anger was slowly swallowed by red fear, and his body gave into the tremors and trembles he desperately has tried to supress before and Kagami could see the widening of Haizakis grin as the other noticed how brutally Kagamis whole body shook. 

Kagami swallowed and tried to control himself enough to form understandable words and to regain a bit of control over his own reactions. 

“Wh-what are you still doing here?” he bit out. He had truly believed that Haizaki was through with him after punching him into unconsciousness but apparently he was not. 

“Well, at first I thought punching your pretty face would be enough“, he laughed slightly and with terror in his eyes Kagami watched Haizaki sitting down on the side of his bed, the mattress giving in to his weight with a squeaking sound. 

“But…” with a strange look on his face he eyed Kagamis face “it apparently wasn´t”

With an emotionless smile Haizaki trailed his fingers over Kagamis hair, over the dry blood on his temples to his cheek. “It was really funny to see you reacting after I woke you up, you know? Like a scare little lamp… and you didn´t see me at all”  
Kagamis eyes widened at the gesture and he swallowed hard. 

“You know you have really nice neighbours, Taiga-chan, especially the old lady living next to you. I forget her name but while you were out for good- man that was an awesome punch of mine, huh-she knocked on your door and asked if everything was okay. Apparently we were a bit too loud with our _activities…_ ”

Pure panic took hold of Kagamis heart when Haizaki mentioned his neighbour. He hadn´t done anything to her, right? He wouldn´t go that far even if…

“But I told her everything was fine, that we just practiced for a fight scene for a school play and she told me all cute and nice things about you, Taiga-chan.”  
Haizaki turned around and positioned his legs right next to Kagamis hips so he was leaning over the redheads’ whole upper body, taking in nearly all of his vision. 

“Didn´t know you were such a softie who helps old ladies up the stairs, carries their bags and takes care of an insufferable cat when she visits her granddaughter. What a cute guy you are, even baking cake for her when one of her cats died.”

Haizaki laughed at him as Kagamis face grew hotter and hotter with every detail Haizaki revealed. There was nothing wrong with helping other people!

“Fuck off bastard, you better not hurt her or I kick your ass!” he gritted out, finally finding his composure to verbally stand up to the guy sitting on top of him.  
In less than a second Haizakis laugh disappeared and gave rise to the cold and nearly crazy expression from before, a grimace Kagami found even worse than the one he showed on the court against Kise. 

“Kick my ass? Don´t make me laugh Taiga, I knocked you out in less than ten minutes so don´t give me that shit” Haizaki growled and Kagami gasped when Haizaki grabbed him by the hair to pull him against his face. 

Horrified he felt a warm tongue licking his cheek and lips brushing against his ear lobe. Kagamis heart felt like it would burst any moment when teeth scraped his earlap and a deep voice filled with dark promises of agony whispered with hot dancing breath,

“I´m going to engrave my very existing into you, make you feel pain you never felt before. I´m going to make you feel so humiliated, small and broken you never want to touch or see another human being because you can´t stand the thought of someone looking at you when you are so dirty and defiled.”

Blood was rushing in Kagamis ears and head, his heart was racing against his tangled and reeling thoughts as cold sweat broke out of every pore. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath to calm himself.

_Go away, stop talking… leave me alone!_

“Wh-Why are you doing this?” he croaked “What have I done to you?”

Haizaki grinned at him and leaned back, letting Kagamis head fall back against the wall he had leaned against. The low thud hurt like hell and he winced, watching black dots dancing across his visual field but Haizakis words reached him nonetheless. 

“Because you are their precious light, Taiga-chan.” A cold finger followed an invisible path down his throat to his collar bone where it played with the brim of his shirt, but Kagami was too confused to realize what Haizkai was doing. 

“What do you mean?” He wanted to sound confident and demanding, just like he always did but all that came out was a broken whisper and he averted his eyes, biting his lips in shame. 

“Ah what a pretty sight Taiga-chan, but you know, isn´t the most beautiful pain-no-agony when you watch someone you hold dear get hurt? When you have to watch him fall apart in front of your eyes and you know- you just know it´s all your fault?”

Haizakis voice became quieter with every word and he slid back so he now sat at Kagamis feet. 

“You know that if you weren´t so arrogant and a pain in the ass you could have prevented that person form getting hurt? From being stripped out of everything he has?”  
Haizaki smiled nearly gently and if it didn´t stood in such a contrast to his actions someone could easily find comfort in that expression. But not right now-not when Haizaki slowly pulled off one sock with such a strange look in his eyes that even in someone like Kagami who was never fast with the uptake dark thoughts came up of what was to come in the end. He swallowed, _no, no, no, you´re wrong, that-he won´t do something like that!_

Haizaki wrinkled his nose. 

“Man, that stinks” he declared and threw one sock on the ground. 

Sheer panic spread in Kagamis guts and he desperately jerked his legs, struggled as hard as he could but Haizaki just turned his back on him and sat on his thighs to prevent Kagami from moving. 

“Stop! What are you doing?!” Kagami shouted and fought against the restraint holding back his hands. 

“It´s no use Taiga, it´s my school tie and that thing was fucking expensive so it won´t rip that easily.”

A second sock fell to the floor and with the sudden expose of his feet Kagami felt utterly naked. 

“It´s a bit sad I guess because I think that maybe we could have been good friends Taiga-chan if met under different… circumstances, but…”

And Kagami froze when Haizaki turned around again with a predatory gleam in his eyes that just told Kagami something really really _bad_ was going to happen and as Haizaki licked his one finger as he always did when he stole the movement of another player his body froze under the others wild and cold stare.  
“I´m sure you recognize that gesture, don´t you Taiga?”  
Haizaki grinned feral at the stillness of the boy underneath him.  
“I´m going to steal everything from you Taiga, your life, your sanity and-“ suddenly Kagami could feel hard lips pressing against his, punishing and devouring. Too shocked to react he let Haizakis tongue ravish his mouth, licking at every corner and leaving his taste there until nothing belonged to Kagami anymore. 

“all the things that belong to you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uaaaaah, finished and with a cliffhanger-man, I´m evil, but the next chapter will probably be out sooner because I found my motivation for writing-wheey!-so I´m going to type as fast as I can :)
> 
> So what did you think? please leave reviews and kudos if you liked it and bookmark it if you want :)
> 
> Lots of Love and hugs, 
> 
> Anon~


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **WARNING**  
>  **this chapter contains**  
>  **rape**  
>  **torture**  
>  **humiliation (verbal, physical, emotional)**  
>  and everything you never wanted to happen to Kagami or to anybody (neither do I but I still write that stuff, how ironic).  
> It´s all fictional and please read it **only** if you are alright with the warnings, I now rated the story explicit because it became explicit even if I think it isn´t really vulgar because it´s mostly focused on the inner world but that just meand I myself read worse. So you all know what´s going to happen...
> 
> Alright, so I´m sorry it took so long but that chapter was really difficult to write and I have no idea how many times I rewrote that stuff, changed words or whole sections and maybe you can understand why when you read the chapter... so even though this one is really dark, like so much darker than I originally planned (maybe it was a bad idea to listen to all the Tokyo ghoul music while writing it but then I listened to Fall out Boy and a voice just told be to set it on fire and I was like, alright let´s do it!) because even though I didn´t plan out every thing in this fic, which I rarely do, I didn´t plan it to be that dark...
> 
> But thank you so much for all the reviews and the kudos and bookmarks, you´re awesome!! I hope I´m not going to lose you after this chapter :D  
> You make me really happy with that stuff :)
> 
> Okay, enough of my rambling, so I warned you so please only read when you´re alright with the warnings!

_“I´m going to steal everything from you Taiga, your life, your sanity and-“ suddenly Kagami could feel hard lips pressing against his, punishing and devouring. Too shocked to react he let Haizakis tongue ravish his mouth, licking at every corner and leaving his taste there until nothing belonged to Kagami anymore._  
_“All the things that belong to you”_  
Kagamis eyes were wide when Haizaki leaned back and licked his lips, a feral grin spreading on his face. 

“Better than I expected”

Wh-What was going on? Kagami swallowed nervously and winced slightly at the strange taste Haizaki had left in his mouth as the words from before crawled under his skin making his stomach twist and turn so hard that he afraid he might throw up. Swallowing nervously he fought against the nausea. 

“Wh-What are you doing?” the words tumbled out of his mouth, heavy and unorganized like stones and his voice quivered, slightly falling apart under the gravely feeling which began to settle down in his guts. 

“What does it look like, Taiga-chan?” Haizakis fingers travelled down his shoulders to the hem of Kagamis shirt, playing with the cloth and Kagamis legs trashed as panic bolted through his whole body, filling his mind with only one thought, to escape-to knock Haizaki off him and run for his life, because something was definitely wrong with the look Haizaki gave him, pinned him against the mattress. There was something inside those grey eyes that hadn´t been there before, even when Haizakis fists had rained down on him or when he had pressed him against the wall. It was intimidating, of course-he had looked angry, full of rage and aggression, maybe even evil-but there hadn´t been that darkness that now seemed to overshadow Haizakis whole face and that kiss if he could call it that made Kagamis senses tingle with alarm. 

“You´re so warm Taiga…” a rough voice whispered into Kagamis ear and his whole body shuddered in horror when the red head realized that Haizakis hands had made their way under his shirt and now his fingernails were scratching over his skin and pressed down on his rips.  
Black pupils dilated in fear, forcing back the reddish colour of his eyes as Kagami stared at the ceiling before his brain seemed to short-circuit.

“Get off!” he screamed, all of his senses were suddenly awake at the rush of adrenaline and his heart forcefully pumped blood into his muscles, trying to compensate for the total feeling of weakness the physical actions from today had caused hand in hand with the cold fear that seemed to have frozen all of his skin and body limps.  
His head trashed and his hands fought against the restraints Haizaki had used to pin him down with everything he got. 

He needed to get away! 

Kagami forcefully bucked his legs, trying to kick off the unwelcomed intruder and nearly screamed in triumph when the heavy weight was lifted from his legs. But no words could make it out of his mouth when suddenly Haizakis face took in his whole vision and a rough hand pressed down on his mouth, the thumb painfully on his cheek bone.

“Shut up, you little shit-if you make too much noise I have to gag you, got that?”  
Haizaki growled into Kagamis ear and only pressed his head harder into the pillow, making it hard for the red head to breath. 

“Nod, if you understand, Taiga-chan, we don´t want any interruptions and I´m sure you don´t want that sweet old lady to find you like this-who knows what I might do to her, hm?”

The nod came as an automatic response; Kagamis mind was blank as if Haizakis words have swept away all thoughts and feelings and now everything was empty. Hollow and so dark-the sudden up and downs of having slight hope to escape Haizakis grip and then being pathetically defeated and forced down again have left him tired, exhausted and Kagami felt like he was going to cry-god, he wanted to cry. He wanted to cry so badly, curl up under the warm covers of his bed, hug himself and wish for his dad. But now the sheets were cold and his father was miles and oceans away. 

“Good, then be a good boy and stay still.”  
Haizakis cold hands returned to roam over his chest and then pulled his shirt up over his chest and under his arms pits, leaving his upper body nearly naked.  
Haizaki whistled “Quite a body you have there, Taiga-chan!”  
Kagami shivered at the exposure, the cold air making the hairs of his skin stand up and his stomach contract. 

Haizakis eyes roamed over his chest with a grin, “not so warm anymore, huh? Even your nipples…” Kagami whimpered horrified when Haizakis finger closed around the right bud and twisted and pulled it harshly, “are hard, how amusing!” 

“Please stop Haizaki!” he whispered, his voice betraying him, “you-you had your revenge right? You beat me up pretty bad and-“  
Kagamis head flew to the side when Haizakis flat hand collided with his right cheek and for a moment Kagamis vision wavered as he stared into nothing and again tried to supress those tears of desperation and the empty feeling of total defeat. 

“I told you to shut up, didn´t I?” Haizaki grabbed him by the hair and pulled him up as far as he could in this position and his breath filled Kagamis nostrils with the smell of sweat and the foul smell of his own fear and a thick scent Kagami couldn´t name, or didn´t want to be able to name. “Now I have to gag you, what a pity I thought it would have been entertaining to listen to your cries but oh well…can´t be helped”

Kagamis breathing quickened and he desperately shook his head as good as he could in Haizakis grip, “no, no, no, please, don´t I-mhmmm!”  
With wide eyes Kagami stared up at Haizaki, the cloth in his mouth successfully preventing him from making any noises, “looks good on you Taiga! Must taste quite bad since your socks stank so horrible” 

Haizaki laughed and red eyes squeezed shut, burning in humiliation. Panic bubbled in his guts as he tried to push the cloth out of his mouth with his tongue but no avail, it sat too far back in his throat. 

Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes which soon shot open again when he heard the buckle of his belt, the clinking of the metal so loud in the silent room that it seemed to echo inside Kagamis head.

_No, no, no, this can´t be happening!_

_No!_

“Mhmmmhm!” 

His protests remained unheard as Haizaki just smiled calmly at him and pulled the belt out of the straps of his pants and dropped them on the floor.  
Kagami watched how Haizaki again reached for something outside the bed and used the short moment of distraction on Haizakis side to again pull on the tie-it had to rip somehow, if he just pulled hard enough-but even though it stretched a bit and gave an unhealthy sound it remained in place. 

Frustrated the red head again trashed, trying to kick Haizakis body off him but every movement froze when he met Haizakis eyes and saw how he raised the knife from before to his mouth and licked the cold blade, showing his teeth. 

Kagami winced, his whole body started to shiver when Haizaki leaned down and the red head hold his breath when the cold metal made contact with his skin. He quivered and Haizaki grinned and started to draw invisible lines on Kagamis stomach. 

“Maybe I should carve my name into your skin, what do you think? Or maybe my jersey number, maybe a basketball idiot like you would understand that better-so what do you want?”

With wide eyes Kagami stared at the blade on his stomach, unable to process the words or their meaning. He just couldn´t believe what was happening, a few hours ago everything was normal! He was playing basketball, argued with Aomine, got shocked by Kuroko and suffered under Kises annoying touchy behaviour. 

Kagami shook his head, whimpering against the cloth inside his mouth- _stop it, stop it, stop it!_

Haizaki sighed and laid almost softly his hand against Kagamis cheek, a motion which made Kagami stiffen and squeeze his eyes shut in fear. 

“Open your eyes, bastard-I give you a choice here, you should be grateful!”

Again all Kagami could do was shaking his head in defiance, _god no, he didn´t want it, he didn´t want anything of that!_

“So it´ll be my name then”, Haizaki grinned and suddenly the cold blade pressed much harder into his stomach and Kagami stilled, loudly crying out behind the gag. 

Tears hang from his eyelashes as shook his head and tried to get away from the cold blade but were of no avail-Haizakis weight held him down and if he would buck too much the knife would cut is skin anyway. 

“Hm? Not my name?” Haizaki grinned, “Good, then my jersey number, I wanted to go with that one anyway”  
The sounds that left Kagamis mouth as soon as the knife touched his skin weren´t human anymore, the muffled cries that forced themselves out when the blade cut his skin for the first and the second time were more of an animal than of a human.  
With terrified eyes Kagami stared up to the ceiling, the stinging pain of his stomach burned in his eyes-hot, everything was so hot suddenly and then again he felt so fucking cold while Haizaki laughed, deep and dark but almost quiet and finally tears began to run down his cheeks. The pain shooting threw his body nearly sent him into unconsciousness and Kagami could almost feel his minds slip from his grip more than once but the worst wasn´t the pain.

Yes it hurt like hell-feeling that cold metal cutting his skin again and again and Kagami knew the skin on the stomach was sensitive-but even worse was the humiliation of that act. The ultimate act of power that stood behind it, the power that Haizaki had gained over Kagami leaving the red head with nothing at all was far worse than the pain. Pain was something he could hold onto, something he was able to catch and to understand and even to lessen if he concentrated on something else but this ultimate desperation which settled in his guts, the knowledge that he couldn´t _do_ anything, that he was so utterly helpless and _weak_ was something he couldn´t deal with-something that was so deep and dark, always sliding through his fingers when he tried to grasp him and just laughed at him, laughed at him for being weak.

“My, my Taiga~ finally gave in?” Haizaki asked in a nearly melodic voice and smiled down at his prey, admiring his work. The carved six on the tanned skin stood out in an angry red, the skin around it already rough as if someone had scratched it too long. 

“Hm, looks good on you Taiga, see?”

Kagami winced and sobbed into the cloth in his mouth, saliva dripping from his lower lip as he gazed up at Haizaki with feverish eyes. 

Was he finished? 

_Please, let him be finished-please, please!_

 

Kagami never was one to beg but right now he would fall to his knees to beg the other to stop. And he just didn´t understand, why was he sorting _him_ out? Not that he wanted this thing to happen to someone else but he still didn´t get it!

A clicking sound interrupted his thoughts, which suddenly became like an oasis for his tortured body and for him to ignore everything and disappear into himself, but naturally it didn´t take much to pull him out of that state and with wide eyes he again stared back into Haizakis phone. 

“I thought that maybe your little friends would want a more… detailed description of the degree of their mistakes, what do you think Taiga?”

Haizaki grinned at him and Kagamis whole body froze and those words. 

_Oh God, he couldn’t-he didn´t-no, no, no, no, no!_

No one must see him like that! Oh god, especially Kuroko or Aomine or Seirin-oh god, they would all make fun of him, for being weak, for letting Haizaki get close to him, to do this to him. Fuck, he was older and taller than the other guy-how, how could he let Haizaki do that do him!?

The desperation and the fear must have been clearly written on his face, because suddenly Haizaki started laughing again before he opened Kagamis fly button, totally ignoring the panicking noises the other made and just pressed him down with even more force when the red head again tried to shove him off with his legs. 

Kagami hyperventilated, that was the only explanation he could find, because his heart was racing in his chest, so fast that he wasn´t able to pick up were the one pound stopped and the other began, sweat rolled down his naked skin and his irregular breathing made him dizzy, because he couldn´t get enough air in his lungs due to the muffle inside his mouth. 

Heat rolled over his body before it was replaced with shocking coldness when he suddenly was nearly completely naked in front of the other, his pants around his ankles. Haizaki grinned at him and began to unbuckle his own belt.  
From then on everything was blurry, Kagami tried desperately to heave himself up with his arms but Haizaki was right there, piercing eyes and toothy grin as he pressed Kagami down again.  
The laughing was mixed with Kagamis own breathing and clicking noises from the camera when the red again tried to scramble away, sobs leaving his mouth and salty tears ran over his cheeks. His hands tried to rip off the tie around his bed when Haizaki slammed him down; both hands pressing down on his shoulders and long fingers suddenly ripped out the cloth in his mouth and Kagami took a long breath, refilling his dry lungs with air.  
That was until something else was pressed inside his mouth and with shocked eyes he stared against the pubic hair of Haizaki who pulled his half hard cock out of his mouth just to slam back in and make Kagami choke. 

_Wh-what, what was going on?!_

Kagamis hair was grabbed and turned his head slightly upwards, forcing him to look up where he met Haizakis smirking face.  
“Hm, come on you little slut, never gave a blowjob before? Or received one?”  
Kagami was tempted to shake his head but it wouldn´t have made any difference anyway. His eyes rolled back at the horrid taste that spread in his mouth which was brutally assaulted by Haizakis thrusts.  
Oh god, it was disgusting, Haizaki tasted like sweat and salt, Kagami felt the urge to puke and he couldn´t breathe for god sake, his head felt like it was floating and he felt like he could pass out any moment and _wouldn´t that be nice._ He yearned for darkness to take him in again, so when he woke up everything was over or that it all had been a strange brutal nightmare but fate of course wasn´t so nice so before the lack of air caused him to black out Haizaki pulled out and Kagamis lungs automatically sucked in all the air they could get. 

“Come on Taiga, you can do better than that, can you? With that big mouth of yours” the pur sounded as pure evil and Haizakis smirk only seemed to widen when Kagami glared at him, slightly panting when he hissed “go fuck yourself asshole!”

“Oh, I wouldn´t say that Taiga-chan, you don´t want your teammates to see you like this, right?”  
Haizaki let one finger slide over Kagamis temple and then grabbed his chin to raise his head and smiled at him. Terrified red eyes stared back at him, something slowly disappearing behind a cloud of emptiness until he gazed down, unable to hold eye contact any longer.

“Good that you understand, so now open up and don´t use any teeth!”  
Again hot flesh slid into Kagamis mouth, filling his taste receptors with that gross taste and his nostrils with the sickening smell of sweat and the others body odour.  
Kagami didn´t know what to do, but he didn´t want anyone to find out about this at any cost-no one should see him in this position-so he let Haizaki rape his mouth, endured those violent thrusts that made him choke if they reached too far which Haizaki seemed to love to do.

Like before he was pulled up by his hair, just now he was met with Haizakis mobile phone. Shocked Kagami tried pull back, to ask what the fuck he was doing but Haizakis hand pressed him and the red head could hear a small moan coming from the guy above him. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, _no, no, no, no, no!_

_Please…_

He didn´t know how much time had gone by but at one point Haizaki pulled out and pushed Kagamis head back against the pillow. With dazed eyes the red head stared up at the ceiling, the cold air of the room painfully reminding him that he utterly naked, lying on his bed in front of a guy who beat the shit out of him and made him suck his cock. Kagami swallowed and immediately winced at the horrid flavour that was left in his mouth. 

“This is going to hurt Taiga-chan, but if you don´t want any neighbours to notice you should keep quiet!”  
Confused Kagami raised his eyes; Haizaki smirked at him from the place between his legs which he suddenly raised up and- _oh, god, no, please-anything but, no, no, no!_ -then surged forward.

Kagami screamed. 

Pain shot through his body, blazing, white and so very hot, drowning everything else and he nearly blacked out for a second. And then Haizaki pulled back and Kagami bit on his lip, breaking the skin and tasting blood as he tried to stop the sounds, the screams to tore from his chest because no one should hear or know, no one-  
With a brutal thrust Haizaki forced his way back again and Kagami choked on his own spit at the agony that cursed through his veins. He was pushed up from the force just to be pulled back by Haizakis big hands which had taken a hold of his hips, fingers digging into the skin.  
From the burning pain Kagami knew that Haizaki had torn his skin down there and the punishing rhythm of deep and fast thrusts intensified the pain, the heavy breathing tortured his ears and when the first deep moan escaped the alien and panting mouth Kagami turned his head away, clenching his jaw to not let any sound escape his mouth while Haizakis hips collided again and again with his bottom. 

“You´re fucking tight Taiga-a virgin, huh?” the ex-member of Teiko hissed as he pounded into Kagamis bleeding passage, making the red head wince but not giving out any other sound. With one hand fondling his phone to find the camera function Haizaki threw one of his victims’ legs over his shoulder to change the angle and grinned when Kagami gasped in pain. 

“You know what´s even better Taiga? I´m going to make you fucking enjoy it” he whispered and pressed the recording button on his phone. 

“Never, jackass!” Kagami hissed back and winced when Haizaki slightly moved, uncomfortably pressing against his insides.

“Your fighting spirit is really endearing Taiga, but if I were you I would consider what kind of words leave that slutty mouth of yours, hm?”  
Haizaki showed him that creepy smile again and before Kagami could answer with another insult the air was forced out his lungs when the younger one slammed back inside and all Kagami could do was hold on to the blanket and pray for it to be over, for that horror be over so that he could go back to his life again but-

“Aah!” 

A loud short moan left his mouth and horrified Kagami slammed it shut. 

_What was that? What…_ -

Another gasp involuntary left his mouth as a wave of wicked and unwanted pleasure abused his body and set his mind on fire with an eruption of declarations of horror because that couldn´t be happening, he wasn´t enjoying this, he-

“Ah, seems like I found it” a snarling voice interrupted his thoughts and Kagami glanced up in agony, tears of humiliation burning in his eyes. 

“I told you I make you enjoy it, so how does it feel, Taiga?” Haizaki moved his hips against the spot that had made the other cry out and grinned when a small whimper left those abused lips. 

“Being betrayed by your own body? And…” he gazed down at Kagamis half hard and slightly twitching cock “seems like you´re really do enjoy it-always knew you were a little slut.”

“N-no, you´re wr-ahh!”

With a deep thrust Haizaki cut off any of Kagamis words, “Just shut up, Taiga-chan, you shouldn´t enjoy that too much”  
The next minutes, or hours?-Kagami wasn´t sure- happened in a blur. Again and again Haizaki slammed into him, fucked him like an animal, hard and rough and the worst of it was that Kagamis body was reacting to it ever since the other had found that spot and aimed at it dead on. 

He was disgusted with himself when he couldn´t stop the pleasured whimpers to fall from his lips and hot tears of humiliation burst from his eyes, burning hot and so disturbing just when Haizaki forced his head up and told him _to look into the camera_. He had cried out, that he didn´t want it, pleaded Haizaki to let him go but then a deep moan escaped his throat when that bundle of nerves he quickly learned to hate was hit on again and red eyes went dazed and out of focus. 

Everything was hot, dirty and so filthy. Kagamis whole body felt like it was somebody else and when a sweaty hand danced over his dry skin and teased the edges of the engraved six on his stomach his eyes turned empty, like a curtain closed before red fire to protect its flame from all the coldness and the ice out there.  
Behind that curtain Kagami could feel Haizakis movements grow erratic and when a hand slammed down on his throat, cutting off any air, he knew that it would soon be over- _but then what?_

The red heads eyes grew big, like they would fall out of his skull and nearly all red gave in to black when Haizakis face came close to his, grey cold eyes focussing on his. He looked like a demon, right before devouring his prey and then Haizakis movement stopped his hips were just jittering uncontrolled. His pupils grew wide, his grip around Kagamis throat softened and the red head could feel, somehow far away, how something warm filled his insides, burning in the wounds the brutal treatment had left there.  
Everything was so empty, Kagami felt heavy, so heavy when Haizaki lifted himself up and pulled out of him, so lost when the other got up from the bed to reach for his clothes and so broken when Haizaki loosened his tie around Kagamis hands which uselessly fell down and prickled a bit when blood flowed back in. 

“Well thanks Taiga, that was one of the best fucks I had, you know?” Haizaki grinned but Kagami didn´t have the energy to react or even say something back. He pulled his hands against his chest, curling into a foetal position, whimpering into the palms of his hands.  
With a scoff Haizaki looked down at the pathetic creature on the bed. Hadn´t that been easy-who knew Seirins ace was so easy to break. He grinned, still high on that power he had felt cursing through his body when Seiring light became grey and shadowed under him and pulled out his phone. He hadn´t planned on raping or torturing the other guy at all but the messages he had found on the red phone of the red head had just poured more gasoline into that angry flame that had ravaged his insides for a long time when he ever thought of his ex-team mates. He had been right, of course he had been right. It was obvious that his ex-team mates wanted to get into the red heads pants but seeing the answers Kagami had sent back it was also clear that the guy didn´t have a clue. 

What a shame he got there first, even if the act had nothing sexual-it was just a way to break the boy, to show how useless he was and how weak, how he couldn´t do anything at all.

Now, he grinned and took a look at Kagami who hadn´t move since he curled himself in a ball, he just needed to let the others see what had happened to their precious light. After a few clicks he pushed the phone back into his pocket, stretching his back-man, he always felt great after relieving some stress. 

“Well, Taiga, I´m afraid our ways will part now but I´m sure you will always keep me dearly in your memory, right?” 

 

With a few steps he stood in front of the bed and crouched down in front of the seemingly lifeless figure of the other basketball player. The hair was sweaty when Haizaki brushed it out of the other forehead and the skin felt hot, even blazing with heat. 

“My, my Taiga-chan, you run a fever here! I always thought idiots don´t catch a cold, huh?” he laughed and got up again. 

“Whatever, time for me to go!”

“Why did you do that?”

 

Surprised by the soft but rough voice Haizaki turned around and smirked when he saw how Kagami had his head raised but was shivering pathetically nonetheless. 

“Again, that question Taiga-chan? I thought we talked about it?”

Stubborn eyes tried to challenge him with a stare but soon it broke and the red head seemed to have found great interest in the floor. Haizakis smirk widened, his gut filled with satisfaction when the other ace showed such a submissive gesture towards him. He really did break him, didn´t he?

“I-I just don´t…”

“You don´t understand, huh? Well I guess you really are an idiot!”

Haizaki chuckled lowly when he saw Kagami flinch in anger but it was obvious that the guy didn´t dare to speak up to him, he still looked shaken and totally out of it-Haizaki wondered if he would even remember what he now told him. 

“It´s pretty easy Kagami, by hurting you I´m hurting them, probably worse than directly hurting any of them, you know? That´s the most beautiful and deepest pain you can commit on a human being, don´t you think? Taking something so precious from them, watching it break apart right in front of their eyes. But the funny thing is that they can´t do anything because it´s already too fucking late, too late for them to do anything, so the only thing they can do is watch their dearly light get swallowed by all the darkness”

He chuckled at his own reference to that ridiculous light and shadow metaphor Kuroko had set up-so fucking stupid.

Wide eyes stared back, like a deer in the headlights. 

“Th-them? Who are-“

“Oh come on Kagami, you can´t be that dumb. Those bastards of ex- mates of course and-“ 

Haizakis words were caught in his throat when suddenly the noise of siren filled the air, getting louder and louder. What was that? 

Surely they wouldn´t… he glanced at Kagami who seemed to stare right through him, his eyes empty and blood-shot. With one harsh movement he got up, grabbed Kagami by that annoying red hair which sometimes reminded him of someone else and slammed him into the wall. The other gave a short wince but then remainder silent as Haizaki studied his black and blue beat up face. He looked horrible. 

“Did you call someone?” he hissed, lowly and let his breath dance over Kagamis face who squeezed his eyes shut and desperately shook his head, tears already rolling down his cheek.

“Please, no, no, no I didn´t-please let go, I…”

With a scoff he let the other fall to the ground. 

Fuck, he needed to get out of here. 

\----

Kuroko had never run that fast in his whole life. The pictures and the video still ran through his head as he used his low presence to dodge people in his way and even shoved away a young boy out of his way because nothing was more important than getting to Kagami as fast as somehow possible. 

When he saw those pictures and the video which automatically had begun to play on his phone the book he was reading right then has fallen out his hands as he stared in horror at the pained expression of his best friend and light. It was obvious what was happening and the pained sounds Kagami gave away still echoed in Kuroko head, bouncing back and forth, torturing him until he had begun to cry. 

But soon the rational part of his mind had ticked in and he had called the ambulance and the police and even the fire brigade, sending them all to Kagamis apartment because he recognized the bed. He had to be there and from the voice that came from behind the camera Kuroko was sure who the other person was. 

His baby blue eyes narrowed as he ran through the streets of Tokyo, too occupied with his own thoughts to think of taking the train or bus and fortunately Kagamis apartment wasn´t that far away. He just needed to be faster, so much faster. 

Kagami-kun. 

Kagami-kun.

Are you alright Kagami-kun?

Please be alright Kagami-kun…

It was a stupid thought given the things the video and pictures showed, oh got he had even carved his jersey number into Kagamis skin. Kuroko pressed his hand over his mouth to supress the sob that nearly escaped him. 

What are we going to do?

Just two corners… one…

“Oi, Tetsu!” 

Startled from being pulled out of his thoughts and-well- being noticed Kuroko staggered but soon his arm was caught by a strong hand and he was pulled forward. 

“Aomine-kun?” he breathed, his voice still shaking and when his old team mate turned around Kuroko could see that he wasn´t the only one who received that message. 

Aomine dark eyes were blazing with anger, he looked even more terrifying than on the court and his face wore the most serious expression Kuroko had ever seen on him. 

“I´m going to kill him, Tetsu.”

And there was nothing left to say because as much as Kuroko always tried to be rational and unfazed he could only agree with that. 

One corner. 

They were met with blue light, blinding their eyes. Two police cars and an ambulance stood in front of them and farer off Kuroko could see the car of the firemen. They were already there-just, were they on time?

“Oh god, please let him be alright, please let him be alright…” Kuroko murmured to himself when they approached the setting. 

“Excuse me?” Kuroko asked a police officer who seemed shocked out of his skin to see him but Kuroko couldn´t care less, “I´m the one who” he took a deep breath, “called the ambulance, could-could you tell me where my friend is?”

The pained expression on the face of the police officer told Kuroko that he wouldn´t get the answer he wanted. 

“Listen, I´m sorry, but you can´t see him right now. He´s alive and under medical care, but I have to refuse you to see him, I´m truly sorry…”

Kuroko swallowed. Oh god…

“Is-is it that bad?” he asked with a rough voice, again on the edge of tears. 

The man seemed truly troubled by that question and Kuroko gazed around just to do something because that silence was killing him. 

“It´s pretty bad” the man said, “I´m sorry but I can´t tell you more”

With that the man turned around and walked over to a few colleagues. 

“Tche, what an asshole” Aomine scoffed behind him. 

“He was only doing his job, Aomine-kun, you can´t blame him for that.”

“I know, I know but still-oh shit” Startled Kuroko looked up but just saw Aomines back as the ace stomped over to the small pad that led out of the apartment. Kurokos eyes widened before they narrowed down on the figure that was led out of the complex. 

Haizaki was hold by two officers who had the teenager in handcuffs. He shouted something Kuroko couldn´t understand and fought hard against the two grown man. 

Pure hate shot through Kurokos mind and everything in him screamed at him to go over and take revenge for that bastard did on Kagami-kun, make Haizaki pay in a way the prison couldn´t.

But soon his face grew worried when he saw Aomine approaching the three, fighting off or dodging any attempt of the police to hold him back. With fast steps Kuroko followed him, determined to make Aomine stop before he would something stupid and get himself in trouble even if Kuroko couldn´t help but understand the feelings that were probably raging in his friend. 

“HAIZAKI! You bastard, what the hell did you do to Kagami??!” 

Aomine powerful voice thundered and Kuroko fastened his steps.

“Aomine, stop!” he shouted, louder than ever before, “he´s not worth it!”

“Hahaha, you should have seen him Daiki, whimpering like a little baby and all the cute faces he made and his crying!” 

Kuroko stopped dead, anger bubbling deep inside him, so hot and disturbing like he had never felt before. How. Dare. He.

“And his face when… mhm!” 

A bag was pulled over Haizakis face and the screams subdued into shouts of anger of being treated like this but those words repeated themselves in Kurokos head over and over again.

 

“A-Aomine-kun…” he whispered and watched how the face of his friend crumbled in pain. 

“I know Tetsu, we failed huh? How-how could we let that happen to him?”

Aomines voice broke and as Kuroko felt his own tears rise again he saw Aomines eyes too were shining and so wet before thin tears began to slide down his cheeks. 

_What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don´t kill me, I would do it myself but I need to write a happy ending for this shit so I can´t  
> Anyway, please rate and review, I hope you are still alive because I sure wasn´t when I finished writing this, maybe I´m masochistic sadist who like to torture his favorite character and naturally tortures himself with that...
> 
> Anyway, please rate and review and I´m sorry Kagami I´m going to make you all alright again and then I´m going to write you a fluffy fic where you get all the love you deserve, I promise!
> 
> Oh and all mistakes are mine so if you find some great ones please tell me or something else I did wrong or could do better :) Thanks!


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I´m sorry it took so long but our internet broke on me and moreover I got my wisdom teeth pulled and it hurt like a bitch, honestly...
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all the positive feedback on the last chapter! I was really afraid of the feedback because the chapter was so... dark and well yeah rape but I was completly overwhelmed by your reviews! Thanks so much! 
> 
> Okay, so this is I guess the longest chapter I´ve ever written (I honestly should short them a bit) so I hope it makes up for the long wait. And well...
> 
>  
> 
> **Warnings:**
> 
>  
> 
> **Angst**
> 
>  
> 
> **rape/non-con reference**
> 
>  
> 
> **language**
> 
>  
> 
> **and again ANGST**
> 
>  
> 
> it´s not fluffy, the next one will be ( it´s a bit nice but not really) so yeah... I don´t know which one is actually worse, the last or this one... they´re sad in their own way but okay...
> 
> Yeah, there probably will be one more chapter, maximal two :)
> 
> Moreover I´m sorry for my lack of knowledge of medical care and hospitals but I tried to make it as realistic as possible :)  
> Also there will be POV switching but I had neglect Murasakibara a bit because I honestly had no idea what he could be thinking so yeah I´m sorry but I had no idea what to write for him, my apologies...
> 
> Anyway, enough from me, here you go! :)

_Aomines voice broke and as Kuroko felt his own tears rise again he saw Aomines eyes too were shining and so wet before thin tears began to slide down his cheeks._

_What now?_

 

“I´m sorry, but the patient isn´t awake yet…”

“Can´t we just go in, take a look and leave? Please?” The nurse didn´t fell for the blonds’ puppy eyes and just gave a small smile. Kise had to admit that his face couldn´t look that appealing right now-self-induced sleep deprivation and uncontrolled crying could do that to a person. 

 

“I´m sorry, but due to special circumstances it´s not possible for anyone to enter the room except for the staff.” 

 

Next to Kise Kuroko gave a sigh, “I told you it´s not possible Kise-kun, we already tried it yesterday. You´re making a fool out of yourself.” 

 

“But Kuroko-cchi, we kn-“

 

“Ryouta!” Akashis voice seemed to cut through the air, dominant and heavy. He sounded tired, almost exhausted-just like the rest of them. No one had really slept the night and they had spent both afternoons sitting in the hospital, waiting for the red head who lay there behind those thick walls to wake up.

 

“Just because we know what happened doesn´t mean Kagami wants us to know or even wants to see us. And no one could blame him for that.” Midorimas voice came from Kises right and the blond swallowed, looking on the ground. 

 

“I know” he exhaled softly and buried his face in his hands as he heard the retreating footsteps of the nurse. They all suffered under the crushing and heavy feeling of guilt, thousand what-if´s scenarios ran through Kises head and with them came the images of Kagami, crying and begging for Haizaki to let him go. His throat tightened and Kise clenched his fists in anger, frustration, fear and thousand other feelings he couldn´t name. 

 

They all knew the reason why Haizaki had done what he did and they all had their history with him but for Kise… he felt like it was different for him, he hadn´t liked Haizaki from the very beginning but now he felt pure and utterly hate for that person. It was so deep and dark that Kise sometimes wondered where the capacity to hate so much came from. He knew Haizaki had wanted revenge on him (on all of them, but mostly him) but he had naively believed that their victory against him during the winter cup would have shown that he didn´t stand a chance! He hadn´t spent one thought to the possibility that the former Teiko member would seek revenge outside the court and was able to do something like that.

 

Kise groaned. He couldn´t close his eyes without those picture running through his head, _Kagami-cchi, Kagami-cchi, Kagami-cchi…_ the pain and the humiliation of the red head was so obvious and the sounds he made, Kise winced and shook his head. He didn´t want to remember, he didn’t want those images in his head!

“Oi, idiot-stop moving around so much!” A hand collided with the back of his head and nearly sent him off the chair he sat on. 

“Don´t be so mean, Aomine-cchi!” he called, quickly covering his inner turmoil with his usual cheerfulness but for once he wasn´t fooling them. 

“Stop thinking so much, I can hear your stupid thoughts from over there!” Touous´ ace glared at him but Kise knew that he wanted to say something so different, _stop blaming yourself, you idiot!_ And Kise wanted to believe him, he really did but from all of them he was the one with the worst history with Haizaki and the messages-how he was mocking him-he just couldn´t forget. He didn´t know if the others got the same-they tried not to talk about it, the only time they did was when the police needed their statements and confiscated their mobile phones-but it felt like Haizaki was laughing at him, cruelly and cold. 

_-Jealous, Kise?_

_-Look, I prepared him for you ;)_

_-Wanna have a go?_

Kise clenched his teeth and stood up. “I know…” he whispered, “I just can´t help it” When he looked up he was met five eye pairs that reflected the same emotions he felt, pain and fear, guilt and desperation. He averted his gaze, he knew that he wasn´t alone with those feelings but he suddenly had never felt more alone than now. 

“We´re coming back tomorrow, right Aka-chin?” Murasakibara mumbled and also stood up, slightly stretching his back. “Yes, maybe he´s awake then.” 

Golden eyes were filled with tears when he looked at Akashi and Murasakibara, _we´re in this together._

“Can´t have him waking up all alone, can we?” Aomine deep voice drawled from behind, faking indifference but they all knew better-deep midnight blue eyes looked like they were about to cry and they all knew that Aomine didn´t want to appear weak in front of them. 

“He will be hungry when he´s awake, we should buy him enough cheeseburgers for that.” Kuroko said, brushing off invisible dust from his trousers. 

“As if we could buy enough to fill that black hole of a stomach of his, I´m sure he will suffer from a food poising one day.” Midorima cleared his glasses and set them on and Kise could see the dark circles under his eyes coming from too much worry and too less sleep because even if he acted like he didn´t care Kise knew that exactly then he probably cared the most. 

“We should buy him sweets, sugar is good for the soul” Murasakibara muttered and Kise rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to retort but Akashi was faster giving a sigh and petting the purple giant on the back, “that´s for you Atsushi but I´m sure that Taiga isn´t very fond of sweets”

Murasakibara hummed. “He should be”

“Let´s leave for now, we don´t want to disturb the other patients” Akashis eyes were calm and Kise was thankful to know him in their midst-the old Akashi who was kind and calm. 

“I couldn´t care less about that” Aomine muttered and winced when Kuroko jabbed him into the side, “Aomine-kun, there´s nothing we can do anyway” and against his actions Kurokos voice was soft and his eyes gave away that he wasn´t okay with the decision to leave either but knew better than to bother the hospital staff with their presence-even his low one.

“Akashi´s right”, Kise sighed and then gave a small smile. “We can come back tomorrow”

 

\---

 

In movies the weather always seemed to change depending on the mood the protagonist was in. If he suffered under great sadness it would rain and the colours grey and black would dominate the scene and if he was in love or just plain happy the flowers would bloom, it was colourful and one could nearly catch the sweet smell floating through the air. 

But all Kagami could see was white. What did white stand for? It was bright so maybe he was happy, but it was also so empty so maybe he was sad? 

Which one was it?

There were strange noises and somehow Kagami didn´t want to open his eyes, he wanted to stay in this blissful empty space where nothing hurt and he wasn´t sad and even if he wasn´t happy there was something deep inside of him that told him he would be better off with feeling nothing. Because the other choice he would have once he woken up would be worse than nothing. 

What could be worse than nothing, he wondered while he felt like he was floating on a cloud, soft and warm. What would happen if he fell?

Where would his fall end?

But time waited for no one so at one point Kagami felt his own eyelids flutter and no matter how much he fought against it they still opened and bright white light caused his pupils to contract. He blinked a few times as he tried to get used to the intensity of light and then stared at an also white ceiling. 

So that´s why it had been so white in his dream? 

It was silent in the room he was in and when he turned his head to the right there was a window through which he could see a large tree and above the blue sky, barely clouded. It must be warm outside. 

Birds disturbed the silence with happy and blithely chirping and one bird, Kagami was unable to name the sort, sat down on a limb of the tree near to the window gorging down a worm he properly caught a few moments before.

How cruel, huh…

Feeling a bit dizzy Kagami tried to sit up and winced when his whole body seemed to protest against that idea because suddenly everything started to hurt. 

That probably has been the reason why he wanted to remain in that nothingness as long as possible, because he never dreamt of white. If he remembered his dreams they were colourful, even if they were nightmares, then they were red, orange, violet but never white and full of voices who called him or sometimes he called someone or the wind was blowing so hard he was afraid to fall off the building he strangely stood on, but they were never empty. 

And empty couldn´t be positive, it never was-being empty was worse than being sad or angry or even downright depressive. Because you could feel something and there was something there and as long as there was something, that something could be changed but how do you deal with nothing at all? How do you fill that gap when you have nothing at all? 

That was what Kagami was afraid of and now he could do nothing but stare at the ceiling, listen to his own heartbeat and observe how the infusion in the bottle next to his bed was sucked into his body. 

He frowned. 

What happened?

Pain shot through his head and he whimpered, oh God-he fucking knew what happened, that voice was still inside his head, echoing over and over again but he didn´t want to know-he wanted to forget! It didn´t happen-fuck it couldn´t have happened. He buried his face in his hands, it couldn´t be real-there was no way… He whimpered slightly and raised his head.

What would he tell everyone when they asked why he was laying in the hospital?

He could imagine Kurokos still face, silently judging him for doing something stupid or Aomines scoff when he looked down on him, telling him how weak he was-getting himself into the hospital. Fuck, what should he tell them? 

Fell down the stairs? Ran against a wall? Fell from a bike? Wait, he didn´t have a bike. But no one knew that, so he fell from his bike and lost it of course, so now he wouldn´t have a bike anymore. 

The redhead glanced down on his own body. He wore a hospital shirt without any underwear and-oh god!

Heat exploded in his face and he instantly began to shake uncontrollably. That meant that someone had seen him, washed him and-he swallowed hard, fighting against the rising nausea as he remembered the fluid that had been left inside his body-touched him. Someone had washed him down there, saw all the wounds and the… six on his stomach, saw his abused body and-he raised his hand to his face which seemed to lay under a layer of fat cream or lotion- touched his body while it was all filthy and dirty and oh shit, he needed- he needed to get to the bathroom, to throw up-oh god he felt so sick!

Pressing his hand against his mouth he swung his legs out of the bed, tears raised in his eyes when white pain surged through his body but he couldn´t pay attention to that. With one hand he grabbed the stand with the infusion to keep him upwards and because it would become really messy if he just ripped the needle out of his arm. With shaking legs he made his way to the door he thought would be the bathroom and stumbled over to the toilet to release his whole stomach into the sink. 

He squinted his eyes in disgust, but now that the thoughts and memories seemed to begin to pop up there was no stopping them. Everything suddenly came back and soon he was crying over the sink, saliva dripping from his mouth and snot hang from his nose. His whole body shook under the pictures that floated in, that face and those cold grey eyes, the laughter rang in his ears, when the knife cut his skin again and again. Kagami clutched his arms around his stomach, feeling the bandages that were put up and began to rip them off. His fingernails scratched over his skin when he felt those fingers again dancing over his skin, teasing him, humiliating him and that feral grin seemed to brand itself on Kagamis eyes and in his mind because it appeared out of nowhere again and again, while he sobbed and cried and moaned under the images, how Haizaki abused his body, how he beat him up, how he forced himself onto Kagami and he didn´t do anything! Why didn’t he do anything?!

He panted, gasped and tried to catch his breath. The tears tasted salty and just seemed to trigger something else, because he again threw up and even though his stomach was empty and disgusting and acidly fluid burned in his throat. 

Panting Kagami leaned back, his chest hurt and his lungs seemed to burn as he tried to catch his breath. The white bathroom suddenly appeared unstable, everything seemed be spinning and moving and Kagami needed to grab for the toilet bowl to make sure that his surroundings weren´t turning. He closed his eyes, listened to his own breathing for a few moments and desperately tried to calm down, he knew that he just damaged his body even more if he panicked and moved uncontrolled-not that this didn´t already happened. Wincing he looked down at the bandages which he nearly ripped off and inspected his bleeding fingernails.

 

One… _Calm down…_

Two…. _Calm down…_

Three… _Clam down…_

 

It was something Kagami always tried when he couldn´t sleep, like before a match and even though it usually didn´t really work it helped him clearing his head nonetheless. 

With bleary eyes he stared down at the white chequered flagging, followed the lines with his eyes and tried to catch his own thoughts which seemed to have totally run out of order and were now hiding somewhere where he couldn´t reach them. 

What should he do?

_Forget it…_

Something whispered deep inside him and he sighed, he just needed to forget it… it wouldn´t happen again, he had been awake long enough back then to know that the police had caught Haizaki-he swallowed when his thoughts formed the name, it felt like it poisoned his mind over again, carrying the guttural feeling of fear with it and caressed him with cold fishy hands-so he should be safe from him, right?

Kagami released a shaken breath-exactly, he would be alright, he was stronger than that. _How could you let him do that to you?_

_How weak are you?_

He winced, trying to force those thoughts away. He had tried to flee, had tried to fight him off-he even managed to throw him off!

_Maybe you wanted it?_

“No!” he panted, clutching his head with both of his hands. Wide red eyes stared aimlessly at the ground, flickering around as panic rose in him again. He hadn´t wanted it! 

_I told you I make you enjoy it, so how does it feel, Taiga?_

No, that… he didn´t enjoy it-he didn´t!

_You little slut!_

He wasn´t-he didn´t mean-he really wasn´t…

_Seems like you´re really do enjoy it-always knew you were a little slut._

No, no, no, no-he wasn´t, he hadn´t-he, he-

Everything was spinning, it was too much-that voice in his head, calling him names over and over again, _you little slut… so filthy and dirty… look at you now, huh?_

His thoughts were driving him mad, he didn´t want them to go there, he didn´t want to remember! It wasn´t true, he wasn´t weak-he was 6' 3” and 181 pounds … so how could that happen to him?!

How could-

“Kagami-san?”

Startled Kagami jerked and fell back as he lost his balance landing on the cold hard floor and his head collided with the bottom of the sink behind him. Pain shot through his body when he landed on the floor and he supressed a scream which still came out as a wince.

Footsteps hurried outside the bathroom and a moment later the door was pulled open and with haunted eyes Kagami looked up, staring at the young nurse that stood in the doorway. Her expression of shock melted into one of soft worry when she approached him with slow steps as if Kagami was a hurt and cornered animal that needed reassurance…or maybe could lash out any moment. He averted his eyes, he wanted to cry-this was all so embarrassing, so fucking humiliating he wanted the ground to swallow him up and to never give him back again. He wanted to disappear, he wanted in his bed although-he shuddered-maybe not, he just wanted to hide, run away-just, he wanted to be gone, somewhere where no one could see him!

“Kagami-san?”

He twitched and tried to calm his racing heart as he looked up, forcing back the tears and the pain-just everything, everything should be gone. 

“Uh, yeah?”

His voice sounded rough, broken around the edges as if he spent a lot time not talking and needed to get used to speaking again.

“Are you alright?”

He swallowed and closed his eyes. Of course he wasn´t alright, would he sit on the floor in front of the toilet if he was alright? Of course not, so what was it with that silly question when the answer was so obvious?! 

“I-Yeah, I just-uh, needed to go the toilet and lost-uh, my balance I guess…” he stumbled over the obvious lie-well half-lie-but right now he couldn´t think of anything else.

“Do you need help?”

The nurse asked-her voice kind and patient-and when he looked up her face was friendly, open and sincere and it pissed him off. It was so irritating that smiling face of hers that he wanted to punch her in the face, scream at her that no he didn´t need any help because he was fine so she shouldn´t be here, see him like this, that she should get lost, that he didn´t want to see her or anyone else! But he swallowed these words, because he was fine and if he was fine then there was no need to scream at here for trying to be helpful and friendly.

“No I´m fine, thank you. I just-need to-uh, gather myself I guess” he mumbled and used the toilet brink to pull himself up and reached for the infusion stand when he finally stood on shaking legs. He gave the young lady a forced smile. 

“See? I guess I just need to lie down” 

She nodded, but that suspicious worried look in her eyes remained and Kagami clenched his jaw, he didn´t need pity and neither did he want it. Just-she shouldn´t look at him at all!  
He turned around to wash out his mouth to get rid of the sour taste and with shaking hands he flushed the toilet and slowly made his way back to the bed. Kagami sat down on the edge, wincing at the pain from his ribs and head and a place he would rather not name. He swallowed hard.

“You slept quite a while Kagami-san”, the nurse said-her name was Masaki-san when Kagami read her name badge right (not that it mattered anyway) - and smiled at him “it´s a relief to see you awake, you worried us”

He blinked at her, slowly rising out of his thoughts “How-how long was I out of it?”

“Nearly two days”

With wide eyes Kagami stared at the girl, his brain slowly progressing the information it received, “tw-two days?!”

She nodded, “Your head received more damage than it seemed at the beginning, it looks like it needed a bit more time to heal” she smiled at him and Kagami stared down at his hands not able to see that warm and gentle smile. It seemed to suck out any energy in his body.

“But you don´t need to worry Kagami-san, there won´t be any long time damage”

“Not that there is much do be damaged, huh?” he chuckled in a sudden moment of self-irony and even though he knew that the joke seemed really out place and was right out bad (Kuroko would have probably “ignite passed” him for that one) he was a grateful when he heard her giving a quiet laugh. 

“At least you didn´t lose your humour Kagami-san” she smiled.

“A bad one to begin with, but better than nothing” he sighed and gave a small smile back. 

She chuckled softly and began to fumble with the infusion needle in his arm. 

“I´m going to remove the infusion, it might sting for a moment”, it didn´t sting Kagami noticed but he looked away nonetheless because having a needle inside his skin wasn´t something he really wanted to see, “I´m nurse Misako, responsible for you today” she informed him and then gave the ripped off bandages a criticising look, “I´m going to tell the doctor you´re awake and then we´re going to wrap you up in new bandages again. Please don´t rip them off again.”

Kagami blushed slightly and looked down on his hands, “uh yeah, sorry about that.” She gave him a small smile, “I´ll be back in a minute”

The red head nodded and pulled the hospital shirt back into place-he had nearly ripped it off when he broke down in the bathroom. Now he noticed that he was in a one-bed-room, the wall behind his bed was in dark red and a warm wind blew through the half open window and played with the white curtains. All in all it seemed like a nice day and just so normal-so normal, that it made Kagami sick. He had to avert his eyes-everything was too bright, too warm and he just couldn´t appreciate it, couldn´t enjoy the warm sun on his skin or the soft wind on his face. 

When he heard the door creak he flinched a bit, but soon managed to collect himself when the same nurse from before entered the room with a black box in her hands and behind her a young woman followed in a doctor coat with a short ponytail. 

“Good afternoon Kagami-san, it is nice to see you awake, how are you feeling?”

“Uhm, okay I guess…” he managed with twitching hands as nervousness creeped up his bones when he slightly fidgeted under the intelligent gaze of the woman. 

“My name is Dr. Yamato and I´m in care for you” she smiled and he nodded in understanding. 

“I heard you already had an adventure to the bathroom?” Doctor Yamato took a chair from the nearby table and sat down in front of him while the nurse put down the box on the bed beside Kagami. 

“Uhm, yeah I-I needed to throw up…” he mumbled and saw the woman nod before she scrabbled down something on her clipboard.

“On a scale from one to ten how bad would you say is the pain you feel?” she asked and Kagami swallowed and his legs gave a nervous twitch. 

“When I lay still I don´t feel much, maybe a bit dizzy and some pressure on the head but when I move I would say…a seven?” 

She nodded again, “That´s understandable, you have a bad concussion which is the reason for the dizziness and the head pain and also the nausea” Except it isn´t Kagami thought but kept his mouth shut-she didn´t need to know, “and three broken ribs, that´s why it will hurt to move.”

 

She looked at him and set down the clipboard and Kagami had the ugly feeling that the conversation would now take a serious tone. 

“Do you remember what happened to you, Kagami-san?”

He swallowed and took a deep shaky breath but his voice still sounded shaky when he answered, “yes… yes I do…” 

She nodded, “I´m sure that everything now will be a bit too much, but we will need a blood sample from you to look for possible diseases…”

“Diseases?” he asked with a panicked undertone. 

“STDs, Sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS or Syphilis ”

Kagamis eyes grew big and he swallowed, he hadn´t thought about this. Every thought that led him back to that day was strictly banned from his thoughts. “O…oh, yes-do you think, that-I mean…”

“We can´t say anything yet, we need to wait for the results of the tests”

“… yes”

“But don´t think about it too much, it´s quite rare to happen”, she tried to reassure him but Kagami could feel and see how his hands began to shake and he desperately tried to calm himself down-he really didn´t want to suffer a panic attack in front of the doctor, who knows what she would interpret into that. 

“I see we need to do the bandages again, Misaki-san will do that in a moment and I just have a few questions for you.” 

Both women worked fast and efficient while Kagami did his best to answer the questions about his height, weight other possible diseases and a lot of other things he never had really paid attention to but were seemingly important and when they were finished he felt strangely exhausted and so damn tired. He just wanted to sleep and… his stomach suddenly gave a loud rumble and Kagami groaned. But at first he was really, really hungry…

“We will bring you something to eat in any moment” Dr. Yamato smiled at him and stood up. “For today we´re finished Kagami-san, I will see you tomorrow then okay?”

He nodded-not sure if he actually wanted to see her again and suddenly the idea of food didn´t really appeal to him anymore, his throat seemed far too tight and his stomach too small to contain any food. “Tomorrow… or in the next days there probably will be other people who will want to talk to you, at first probably the police, please let us know if you feel ready to meet them Kagami-san, we will pay attention to that.”

He nodded and released a breath he didn´t know he was holding when Dr. Yamato left the room-doctors always made him so nervous.

“Kagami-san?” the nurse smiled at him, “there are people outside waiting, should I let them in or sent them away?”

He blinked at her. People?

“Who?” 

“Six boys, I don´t know their names but they all have pretty strange hair colours and one scared me half to death” she laughed slightly. For a moment Kagami panicked-what were they doing here? How did they know? Who told them he was in a hospital and how did they find him? How much did they know and…

“Kagami-san?”

“Huh? Ah-uhm…” 

“I can send them away if you want and tell them to come tomorrow”

He could do that… he didn´t want to see them, he just wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep some more. They shouldn´t see him like that, weak and trembling-they would start to ask questions and maybe he could fool Murasakibara, Kise and Aomine with his “I fell off my bike”-lie but probably not Kuroko or Midorima not to mention Akashi. And he would bet his last shirt that the six boys sitting outside were the six basketball prodigies who somehow sneaked into his life in the last few months. 

“No, no… let, let them in, thank you” he muttered and pulled the covers over his naked legs. If he would deny them to see him it would seem even more suspicious so he just had to try his best making that “I fell off my bike” lie believable. But he really didn´t want to see them…

“Please lie down, Kagami-san, you mustn´t pressure your rips” Misaki told him and opened the door, “I will tell them they can come in…” she paused, “are you sure? Kagami-san?”

He nodded slightly, “Yes-I mean why shouldn´t they, huh?”

She didn´t say anything to that and sighing Kagami followed her advice and lay down, wincing when even the brush of the sheets against his skin seemed to hurt and sting. He just needed to act normal-like always and they wouldn´t know. Just normal.

\--

“You can come in” the nurse smiled and the six boys nearly sprang out of their chairs but they all still hesitated when Kuroko reached for the doorknob. They all had waited for this moment but now it was suddenly really hard to take the last step. What should they say? Kagami probably didn´t know that they knew what happened to him so how should they act? 

“Oi Tetsu, it won´t get any better so open the door” Aomine grumbled and Kuroko sighed. It was rare but Aomine was right-they all wanted to see Kagami. That´s what he had thought-until now at least-but right now he wouldn´t mind remaining in blissful ignorance for a few more days and he really wanted to slap himself for that thought. 

When he opened the door it was bright, the room was white and the light was on even though it was daytime. It stung in his eyes. Kuroko swallowed when his eyes found his friend who lay there on the hospital bed which probably was a bit too small for such a big guy but somehow Kagami managed to look utterly small and it broke Kurokos heart. 

“Hello Kagami-kun” he smiled softly and was met with a grin, so wrong and forced that it physically hurt him; it squeezed his lungs and his heart into a tiny ball of strange hollowness because that wasn´t Kagami, he didn´t grin like that anymore-he didn´t lie to Kuroko. 

“Hey Kuroko-oh and the others too! I knew the nurse meant you guys when she said something about six guys with a strange hair colour” he laughed slightly. 

“As if you could talk about strange hair colours Kagami-kun”, Kuroko retorted, not missing the beat and eager to try and live up to Kagamis try to act normal because he was sure that the other just needed that. Normal, because it was safe and the red head knew it and everything else he just didn´t. 

“Oi, don´t say that!”

“You have two different hair colours Kagami-kun”

“So what?”

Akashi was the last one to enter and closed the door while everyone else was trying to find a place to sit down or stand. He looked at Kagami who was still talking to Kuroko, giving small smiles and laughs which all seemed so out of place and a bit too much. His face was coated in a slick crème covering the blue and nearly green bruises on his skin and white bandages were wrapped around his fore head. Akashi swallowed. It wasn´t easy seeing him like that, it was actually an impossible thing to do and even though Akashi would call self-control one if his strongest character traits the sight of the other red head in the hospital bead nearly broke it down. He took a small breath and glanced at his ex-teammates. They all carried their usual expressions if one didn´t try to look deeper and uncovered the masks they were currently putting on and of course he remembered that they had decided to act like they didn´t know, acting up to whatever Kagami was comfortable to tell them but it was just so hard to keep a straight face when he still could hear Kagamis crying and sobbing and his broken pleas for help. And they didn´t help-they had left him all alone. 

“Taiga” he greeted quietly and forced a small smile on his lips. He nearly winced at the wide eyes Seirins ace gave him, usually it was quite endearing to see how the other still flinched from him but now it made his stomach churn. 

“Akashi, hello” Kagamis voice sounded hoarse but no one mentioned it and also no one said anything when he began to tell them how he fell off his bike and had a really unfortunate fall. 

“I didn´t know Kaga-chin had a bike” Mursakibara mumbled and took a bite of his favourite candy. “Uh well, now I don´t have one anymore…” the red head gave a grin. 

“Always knew you were an idiot, but that stupid?” Aomine smirked and the red head glared at him but it lacked the old fire, as if Kagami wasn´t really there and Aomine swallowed, averting his gaze. He couldn’t bear looking at his rival who looked so broken, covering up something that was so obvious to all of them and the lie they all played seemed to become heavier with every word he spoke. It hurt. It hurt like hell and Aomine didn´t know what to do, how to act. He usually wasn´t someone who gave that much thought about the way he acted-not anymore at least-but now he wished he had because everything he did suddenly seemed wrong and Aomine couldn´t deal with it. He glanced at the redhead who seemed to have forgotten the insult and now listened to Murasakibara talking. It felt so wrong because normally they would have had the most spectacular fight with both of them not giving an inch and Aomine liked it that way (not that he would ever admit) but now Kagami seemed so empty and kind of lost. And the thought really hurt Aomine, killed something deep down there where he never wanted to look because _feelings_ weren´t something he wanted to think about-they were annoying and kind of scary. Although he liked the feelings which Kagami had suddenly erupted in him whenever Aomine faced him on the court, both of them in the Zone fighting with everything they had, clashing against each other, snarling and dancing around each other-raw, animalistic and so good. He would never voice it but he actually enjoyed playing with Kagami even if the other was such an idiot (“not that you´re any better Aomine-kun” that annoying little Tetsu in his head deadpanned and he could even hear that irritating slurping sound of a Vanilla Shake). He scoffed and ran his hand through his hair, raising his eyes to look at Kagami-to really look at him. He was pale, sickly pale beneath those bruises with dark shadows under his eyes and Aomines throat tightened when he met Kagamis gaze and those ruby eyes which always carried so much fire, fierceness and fighting spirit reminded Aomine of the eyes of a dead fish, so empty it was terrifying. 

 

A knock on the door interrupted the conversation and the nurse from before came in with a tray in her hands and set it on the small table which was turned in a way that Kagami could stay put in his bed while eating. The portion was small and there was no way in hell that it was enough for the redhead. They silently watched as Kagami slowly took bite after bite, eating unusually slowly. Kuroko looked down at his hands-it was painful, it was so painful to see Kagami like this, lying to him and acting like nothing was wrong. 

“Maybe Kaga-chin should eat some candy” Murasakibara mumbled and Kagami looked up with a questioning gaze. “Huh?”

“It looks like Kaga-chin isn’t hungry, that´s weird because Kaga-chin is always hungry. Candy helps.”

“I-I´m not always hungry!” Kagami stuttered, clearly disturbed by the purple heads observation and as if to protest Murasakibaras statement he took a huge bite from the food in front of him. 

Midorima watched how Kagami fought to keep the food down, staring at the bed sheets while his jaw worked to swallow down the food. It all looked so enforced and when Midorima paid more attention to the redheads’ hands he could see that they slightly shook and he didn´t know if Kagami noticed him looking but he quickly put his hands down, burying them under the bed sheets. 

“We had the idea to buy Maij Burgers for you but if you´re not hungry right now we do that tomorrow, Kagami. Hospital food isn´t really enjoyable.” Midorima said-trying to give Kagami the possibility to reason his own behaviour and if he interpreted the small smile the redhead gave him right it seemed to have worked. 

“Uh yeah, tastes like shit…” Kagami mumbled but Midorima could see the small tremors running through his body and how his legs twitched under the white sheets, shaking from obvious nervousness. He swallowed and gazed at the other boys in the room. They all seemed a bit out of it, behaving far from normal and most of them couldn´t even look at Kagami. And Midorima wasn´t different himself, he first couldn´t really stand the redhead but with the time he discovered that the other was a genuine and kind person who may be a total idiot who was denser than bread and sounded really rude but he had other qualities to make up for those gaps. Moreover Kagami seemed so innocent-even though he had a repertoire of swearwords that would put any mother to shame-but there was something pure about him because he put his heart into everything he did and Midorima admired that character trait even if only from afar. What made it even worse was that Kagami didn´t have anything to do with their time in Teiko and their problem with Haizaki-he had been a total outsider-and the only mistake _he_ had made was knowing _them_ , the Generation of miracles, and somehow capturing all their attention. Not that Midorima wished his fate upon anyone else but Kagami was one of the last persons he wanted to see hurt. And now it was too late. 

When he had seen the photos Haizaki had sent and the video had started playing on its own it was like someone had punched him in the stomach and had forced all the air out his lungs. Midorima liked to think he was a rational person and he always tried to reach the highest score with the lowest efficiency because it was a logical thing to do. Why would someone waste energy on unnecessary actions? But at that moment his brain had completely shut down and he couldn´t think about what was happening, he just knew that what he felt was anger and hatred, both emotions he tried to avoid because they could almost never bore fruits of success. But this day he had totally failed, he had forgotten to call an ambulance or the police and even forgotten that it took quite a while to get to Kagamis place. When he arrived the place had been empty. Only thanks to Akashi he knew that Kagami already was brought to the nearest hospital.

“It is still weird for Kaga-chin not to eat” Murasakibara yawned, oblivious to the warning looks he received from the rest. 

“Well he has a head injury so maybe it hurt something else”, Kise chuckled and Midorima sighed, “It´s normal to not be hungry after a head injury” 

“Even for Bakagami?” Aomine teased with a smirk on his face but it clearly lacked bite and his eyes showed genuine concer- even if he had always teased the other about his monster appetite, a Kagami without it was not really Kagami. 

“Who are you calling an idiot, Ahomine?” the red head shouted back but winced and lay a hand on his ribs. Fuck that hurt. 

“Please be careful Kagami-kun” Kuroko said with a worried expression and Akashi nodded “you shouldn´t pressure your rips Taiga”

“I know” the red head hissed and breathed as flatly as he could until the pain would fade. 

“Mine-chin shouldn´t tease Kaga-chin…” Murasakibara freed a red lollipop out of itswrapping and began to suck on it “that´s not very nice” 

“Since when are _you_ nice” Aomine shot back and the purple head rolled his eyes in annoyance, “Be nice or I´ll crush you Mine-chin”

“Tch as if” Aomine folded his arms and frowned. 

“Daiki, Atsushi please be quiet, this is still a hospital” Akashi sighed and stood up, approaching Kagamis bed and sat down on the edge. 

“Is the pain better Taiga?” he asked with a gentle tone in his voice and Kagami nodded, avoiding eye contact as he stared at his also bandaged hands-they now resembled Midorimas. 

“Uh, yeah if I don´t breath too deeply I can barely feel it…”

Akashi nodded and retreated a bit, it was obvious that too much closeness made the other uncomfortable and that was something Akashi didn´t want. 

“Who knew you could break your ribs by falling off a bike, huh?” Kagami gave a short quite laugh and grinned at them, obviously trying to light the mood a bit and ease the tension but it did the exact opposite. 

Kuroko swallowed and looked down on his hands, fighting back the tears that he could already feel swelling up-hot and burning. He couldn´t do this, it was so wrong-everything felt so heavy and he didn´t want to lie to Kagami (even if they didn´t really lie, they just avoided the truth, Kuroko had told himself). His light deserved to know the truth, they were deceiving him and how would he react if he found out afterwards? Kuroko knew that Kagami was a forgiving and kind guy but even he had his limit and Kuroko didn´t want to know how the redhead would react if he afterwards find out that they knew all along-even worse, that they had seen him. That was probably the worst and the most difficult thing to except. 

“K-Kagami-kun?” he softly raised his voice, angry with himself that he sounded so shaken and he glanced at Akashi whose eyes widened for a moment, but then he nodded and gave the sign for Kuroko to continue-it seemed Akashi had the same thought as him. 

“Hm?” 

Kuroko swallowed when deep red eyes looked at him with a questioning gaze and the words he chose to say got nearly choked up by the fear what kind of look Kagami would have once Kuroko had said what he intended to. 

“W-we know, Kagami-kun…” he whispered and tried to look calm and soft when all he wanted to do was to scream and cry out how sorry he was, how he wanted to kill Haizaki and how that never should have happened to Kagami-kun. 

Red eyes widened and Kagami raised a shaking hand to his head to nervously run his fingers through his hair and his voice trembled when he asked “Wh-what do you mean? There is nothing to know.” 

“Taiga…” Akashi said softly but the redhead shook his head and stared at them, the small smile had fallen from his lips and panic was written all over his face as he held on to the blankets. “Wh-what do know? What do you mean?” the words were stuttered and seemed to tumble through the air, edging and bumping uncomfortable into their private space forcing them to speak their minds, to be honest and the room seemed so heavy, pulled down by the sudden change of atmosphere. 

“That Kagami-kun didn´t fall off his bike” Kuroko spoke softly “And-“

“How?” Kagamis voice was strangely high and had a pitch that Kuroko never heard before, strangely out of control but even if he had heard that one before now clear fear and panic underlined the tone. 

“How!?” he repeated louder and anger was thrown into the mix when no one dared to answer that question. 

“How do you-how…” his voice broke and Kuroko could see realization dawn on Kagamis face and he stood up. “Kagami-kun…”

“No, no, no be quiet! You´re good at being quiet so don´t, don´t fucking say anything-how, oh God-the pictures right? He was at his mobile phone-he, fuck- he sent you the pictures right?!” Kagamis voice came thick and fast and became louder with every word, his whole body began to shake and his eyes darted around the room finding no place to stay. 

“Y-yes…” Kurokos voice was quiet as he nervously stood in front of his partners’ bed and glanced at his friends who twitched on their chairs, blinking and restless. 

“Y-you saw… all of you saw what-how…” the redhead whispered, tears slowly filling his eyes as he stared at his hands. Kuroko noticed how his breathing became ragged and his hands twitched uncontrolled. “Kagami-kun…”

“Go…” 

A bit taken aback Kuroko blinked at the other. “Pardon?”

“Go! Leave! Go away, I don´t want you here!” his voice grew louder, filled with horror and shame and when Kagami turned his head Kuroko twitched, he never had seen his friend look so frightened, eyes wide open and such a haunted look on his face that all Kuroko wanted to do was to hug Kagami, to comfort him but he knew that it wouldn´t end well so he nodded, slowly retreating even when Kagami began to shake uncontrollable and pained noises left his mouth as he sobbed into his hands. 

“Go, all of you-I don´t want to see you here anymore!” he screamed and they all sprang up hurrying out of the room, stumbling over their own feet and bumping into each other’s back. Akashi hesitated and turned around once more, “Taiga-if you need…”

“Go, just leave! And don´t call me that!” he sounded so afraid, humilated and broken that he didn´t dare to look at him and Akashi nodded, “We´re there for you if you´re ready” he quietly said and closed the door behind him, faintly hearing how the red head screamed that he didn´t want them to be there for him as he chanted all over again to leave him alone. 

A doctor and a nurse hurried past them, giving them a short glance of pity? Akashi wasn´t really sure but he swallowed as he turned around to see his ex-teammates staring at the ground, guilt and shock written on their faces. Of course they had expected a negative reaction once they told Kagami that they knew about what the redhead rather would have kept a secret. But still… seeing the other so upset, nearly hysterical had been too much and even if he didn´t want to feel that way there was a feeling of relief to be out of that room because although Akashi could only shake his head about statements like “Out of sight out of mind” it was easier to deal with it that way. And that was something they all needed to do, without Kagami it seemed but that was expected. 

“Tetsu… why did you tell him?” Aomine voice sounded as shaken as Akashi felt and the usually scowling and bored face of the Ace was strangely twisted into an expression of disbelief and shock. 

“You saw him Aomine-kun, you saw how Kagami-kun tried everything to make us believe the lie but he was trembling all over, forcing himself and… I couldn´t bear the feeling to lie to him, him lying to us is understandable but us lying to him is unacceptable because Kagami-kun deserves our honesty and… it hurt. It hurt so much to lie to him and I know…” Kuroko looked at them, one by one “that everyone felt the same.”

There was a short moment of silence as they made their way to the exit, trying not to think about what they were leaving behind- _who_ they were leaving behind. 

“Also… Kagami-kun noticed us behaving strange. I know he´s not the fastest with understanding other people but even for him it must have been obvious there was something wrong and it was only a matter of time until he would have asked.”

“What-What are we going to do now?” Kises voice was quiet and golden eyes were shining with wet tears which he somehow managed to keep down as Kuroko noticed with a small smile. It was strange to see someone who seemed to have no problem with showing his emotions very clearly choking them down but the model could be a totally different person when it came to issues he was serious about-just as apathetic or cold he could act when something was unimportant to him or he just didn´t like it. 

“For now…” Akashi said “all we can do is to wait”

They nodded and Murasakibara cracked the lollipop in his mouth. They all weren´t really known for being patient. 

\--

Kagamis eyes fluttered as the sedative took effect, calming his racing heart and thoughts. With dazed eyes he glanced around in the room, blinking against the sleepiness that tried to take over his mind. They knew… the thought repeated itself over and over again, echoing inside his head until he nearly forget what it actually meant. And how he wished to forget. The injection the doctor gave him to calm him down and keep him from hurting himself did wonders to his head, turning all his thoughts into a fluid mush of nothing, blessing Kagami with a strange emptiness in his head. 

 

But still he couldn´t forget how exhausted and shitty his visitors had looked, with dark bags under their eyes and pale skin. Of course he had noticed something was wrong-he wasn´t that dumb, but he had rather not known the reason for their appearance. But now… he winced at the memory, now he knew that they knew-that they had seen him, seen him at his lowest and weakest moment, and seen how he submitted to that bastard, how he pleaded and begged and how he _moaned_. He buried his face in the pillow. Now they knew everything, everything what he had done to him, every expression Kagami never wanted to show them. They had seen him cry, sob and breakdown. It was so unfair… he didn´t want anything of that-how should he face them after that? He could never look them in the eyes or play basketball against them. He whimpered and even in his ears he sounded so pathetic that he wanted to bang his own head against the wall and scream at himself to pull himself together, to not let it go and to not surrender to those feelings of weakness and helplessness but right now, he didn’t have the energy to scream and neither the spirit to listen-he just wanted to sleep and with eyes falling shut he just did that, hoping to never wake up. 

\--

He didn´t dream of white, now everything was pitch black, strangely comforting and all so soft that Kagami didn´t want to wake up anymore but of course his wish wasn´t fulfilled so day after day he woke up in the same hospital bed waiting for his rips to heal. Two police officers came on the third day after his awaking, two women and he began to wonder if they send women because he was hurt by a man but chose not to think about it-it wouldn´t change a thing anyway. They asked him questions about what happened and Kagami found himself answering before he even knew it, as if he was watching himself, like his body was another person. His voice sounded firm, it didn´t trembled anymore but on same time it sounded empty, even emotionless. They told him that Haizaki would end up in jail and that he didn´t have to worry about it and he almost laughed at it. Maybe Haizakis body was in prison; his voice was still in Kagamis head, whispering all those filthy things into his ears until he asked for a sleeping pill to escape him. 

Then there had been another woman who said she would be a therapist to help him recover after his trauma but he had told her rather bluntly to fuck off-he didn´t need someone he didn´t know to look into the depth of his soul and his fears to then make a judgement over him. She came back the next three days but gave up when Kagamis voice grew louder and angrier with every visit. His basketball team visited him, teased him about his clumsiness to fall from a bike and apologized for a missing Kuroko, saying he couldn´t make it but Kagami knew better. He was grateful that those rainbow heads didn´t show up anymore, at the beginning he was afraid that they maybe try to come again but nothing happened and he felt himself relax at this thought. The only problem he had right now was where to stay after he could finally leave the hospital. There was no way he could go back to his apartment, he wouldn´t be able to set one foot into that place. Even the thought of it made him sick. He wondered if he should rent a new one but then he needed to call his dad and that was something he didn´t want to do because his old man would be raising questions and Kagami didn´t know if he could lie to his own parent- he always had been bad at that and he was afraid that he might break down at the phone. He didn´t want that. His old neighbour Suzuki-san had offered him a place to stay after she had discovered that he was hospitalised but Kagami needed to refuse. Even if it wasn´t his apartment it was still the same building and the same surroundings-he couldn´t do that. But Suzuki-san had been the only person he could stand talking to, the old lady was kind and always talked about her grandchildren and her cats when she visited him so Kagami didn´t need to say much back. She brought him self-made food which Kagami ate a bit too forceful in her presence but she always smiled at him and even if he had the notion that Suzuki-san knew more than she said her visits always lightened his mood a bit. And after he gave her permission to his apartment she also brought him his clothes and washing material, so he didn´t look that ill anymore. 

 

He had been in the hospital for nearly a week, his head was nearly healed and the bruises in his face seemed to slowly but surely fade and he didn´t look that debauched anymore when Himuro surprisingly visited him. He had thought about calling his brother but always hesitated because he didn´t know what Murasakibara might have told him, so he didn´t dare to call him. 

He had just send the therapist away again when the door opened again but before he could growl that no he didn’t need any therapy because he was fucking fine Himuro appeared in the doorway smiling softly like he often did when Kagami had hurt himself by, as his brother always liked to say, _being stupid_. 

 

“Taiga” he smiled “I see you´re well enough to scare all the pretty lady´s away!” and Kagami rolled his eyes “Pretty lady my ass…” he mumbled before giving a short grin back, “What are you doing here Tatsuya?”

The other gave him a hurt look “Taiga, I´m disappointed in you-why do I need to hear from Atsushi that you are in the hospital?”

Kagami swallowed at the name but managed to look a bit embarrassed as he scratched his head, “Ah, sorry… I just didn´t think about it…” Himuro sighed and took a seat on the chair next to the bed. “Really… and falling from you bike? Who breaks his ribs from that?” Kagami gave a pout at that, “It´s easier than you would think!” His brother sniggered at that and just like that they dipped into a conversation about nothing and everything and it felt strangely good to talk about unnecessary things, old memories from America and their childhood. Kagami noticed how much he missed spending time with his brother because the distance between their schools made their meetings quiet rare and both of them weren´t really into phoning so they rarely spoke to each other. They were interrupted when the nurse brought him his meal, even if Kagami refused to call it that-it tasted like shit- and while she aired the bedclothes she asked about his plans after his release at which Kagami stayed silent, suspiciously eyeing the mass on his plate called food as he raised the chopsticks to his mouth. 

“What is the problem?” he heard Himuro ask and cringed, giving the nurse a short glare who hurriedly left the room, mumbling an apology. Tch, didn´t help him now. 

“Nothing, it´s just… I can´t go back to my apartment” he mumbled and grimaced at the taste of the food-how can someone mess up something simple as rice? He would never understand. Kagami could feel Himuros dark and calm eyes on him and armed himself for the long list of questions that probably was about to come-Except it didn´t. 

“What about staying at Kurokos´?” Surprised Kagami raised his eyes. His brother looked curious about the reason why he couldn´t go home but it seemed that he also could read that Kagami obviously didn´t want to tell him and he was fine with that. The redhead smiled softly, it was nice to have someone who knew him so well even if it also bore the danger that Tatsuya could see right through him. He shook his head, “impossible” and Himuro nodded. 

“You could stay with me” Tatsuya suggested and Kagami blinked at him in astonishment. Himuro smiled “Of course the way to your school would be longer, I don´t know if you…”

“No, that´s fine! Really!” the redhead gave a sincere smile, “thank you, but…” he frowned slightly in confusion, “don´t you live in the dorms with uh Murasakibara?” The black haired boy shook his head, the strands elegantly dancing around his face, “No I just moved out because I will need more time to study once the third year has started, so I decided to rent a small apartment near the station. In this way I have more peace and I am also near the school and the train station.” Kagami nodded, “Uh yeah right, I sometimes forget that you´re older than me” Himuro chuckled “Really? I thought it was quite obvious” “Oi!” the redhead shot back but the smile from before still remained on his lips and he took a shuddered breath, relief filling his chest when Himuro didn´t ask any more questions concerning Kagamis apartment. Moreover he picked up their conversation from before, lightly talking about their time in America and reliving the memories of their childhood. That was something Kagami could easily pick up on and take part in and for the first time he actually felt like talking and not just listening because it was something so far away and something safe. It felt good. He felt strangely warm with Himuro sitting next to him, smiling lightly as he talked to him with a soft voice and they both laughed at the mischief they had caused when they were younger. It gave him a funny and fizzy feeling inside, he felt content and suddenly really mushy and embarrassing sweet but he welcomed it with open arms. 

But as soon as his brother left the room felt cold again, the warmness inside him died and more than ever he felt like crying because everything felt so empty and lonely and grey as he stared outside the window where everything was dark and the wind crashed against the window, announcing a storm. Like all the colours were taken away from him and the world got as white and black as his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> What do u think?  
> I tried to make it realistic but honestly I´m not sure, also I found it difficult to stay in character because well... I don´t know how Kagami would react because I doesn´t really happen (fortunatly) so I just can guess but well I hope it isn´t too out of character so yeah^^
> 
> Please leave reviews, kudos, bookmarks what ever you want to leave! I really appreciate it!  
> Lots of love  
> Anon! :)


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> Well I didn´t die and I´m really sorry that it took me so long to update this fic, I had a few exams and now I have (finally) vacation and weeeell, what do you do when you finally have vacation after a year of studying? exacly: nothing. In other words, I was really lazy and the only excuse I have is that I visited my friends since I study far from my hometown. And I had already one chapter nearly finished but then I was so unhappy with it that rewrote the whole thing... uhm, well I´m sorry it took so long... :(
> 
> Uhm, but enough of me. You´re all so awesome, I really enjoyed all the comments and kudos, they really helped me a lot over the time and I could kiss all of you if I could and if you want (well screw that I would kiss you anyway :D)
> 
> Okay, back to the story-this chapter is still quite dark, just a bit different. I´m sorry, but the happy end will come in the next chapter!  
> It´s also has flashbacks and I hope they´re all clear and I didn´t make toooooo many tense fouts, if there are big ones, please tell me!  
> It´s also pretty Kagami and also Himuro centric!  
> So then... enjoy! :)

It was raining-big; fat raindrops were pounding against the window as Kagami stared outside and watched how the world seemed to be drenched in water and painted in grey. The surface of the glass pane was cold against his body and even though he was snuggled up in a thick blanket a shiver ran through him causing the hairs of his skin to stand up. 

With tired eyes he averted his gaze from the rain and looked around into the living room. It had been almost three month since he had left the hospital and moved into Tatsuyas apartment. Three empty months, a time he wouldn´t even want to name time since time should be used and the only thing that he did was waiting until it was over. 

The first three weeks had been fine. They had been good actually except for the fact that he still couldn´t play basketball and Kagami had truly believed that he just could forget that one day and move on with his life, forcing the events in the back of his mind. He took a probably far too early train since Tatsuyas apartment was quiet far from his school. But at least they were nearly empty.   
In school he avoided Kuroko at all costs and when the smaller boy noticed how Kagami always ran from him when he tried to approach the red head he retreated and left him in piece. Of course Kagami could still feel the worrying glances he received and not only from Kuroko but also from the other first years who started to approach him more often than before and in the first weeks it was fine. He talked with them, cracked a bad joke here and there, ate like before and he wasn´t left alone too often so the idea that he was fine seemed so true that it maybe should have made him worry. But of course it didn´t. 

 

He ignored the ugly feeling inside his stomach whenever his mobile phone blinked and told him he had a message from one of the Generation of Miracles. Sometimes he read them and sometimes he deleted them without reading, depending on his mood. There was a twinge in his stomach whenever one of their names appeared on his screens and Kagamis so realistic-mask-of-a-smile that he believed as true fell and cracked for a moment before he turned off the phone and snapped it shut, burying it in the depth of his pocket. 

\--

Kise was the one who sent the most messages. He always told Kagami about his day, the shooting he had, the people he had met and how his stylist managed to fuck up his hair. Sometimes the redhead could hear the whining voice through the black small letters on his bright display. And sometimes the brightness seemed to hurt his eyes so he needed to shut the phone without ever sending a reply. Kagami didn´t like his messages, they made him feel strangely upset and whenever Kise wrote about how his senpai-Kasamatsu, he guessed-bullied him he had the urge to roll his eyes and to tell Kise off, to admit that crush Kagami guessed the blond model had on his senpai. But he never did. 

 

Aomines messages were probably the most normal ones and they came at random moments as if he ever wrote when he couldn´t find something better to do. And most of the time it was an invitation (maybe more like a demand than an invitation) for a One-on-One and even though it always seemed to prickle in Kagamis fingertips to accept the challenge he never wrote back. After a few unanswered messages Aomines demands changed into a bit more subtle invitations to meet up at Maji Burgers and one time (Kagami guessed the blue haired boy had been a bit drunk) he suddenly started to get melancholic and how he missed playing against Kagami. That message had made him laugh but he just shook his head and this message was also left in his phone, unanswered. 

 

Midorimas were the shortest when the shooter reminded Kagami of his studies and wrote him about Kagamis luck on the day and his lucky item. It was a bit endearing how awkward the other was and through the messages Kagami could practically hear him muttering under his breath about why he would do this and it wasn´t like Midorima wanted to write Kagami but still felt obligated to do so since his studies were important and if he was bad at them Kagami wouldn´t be able to play basketball at the next Cup.   
After a while the green haired boy had started to ask Kagami about his well-being and started to give him advice about how he would keep himself healthy and how he needed to stay hydrated in the summer heat. He never followed them, when he wasn´t thirsty he just couldn´t drink and so more messages were gathered inside his phone. 

 

Murasakibaras were the most surprising ones and sometimes even made Kagami want to write back but of course he didn´t do it in the end. He had always thought that the purple haired giant was far too lazy to bother with writing messages and since he never really received one from him before (maybe two or three in the months after the Winter Cup) he always thought he would be right about that but now there seemed to be no end to those messages. Most of them were about food and sweets the other had tasted and tried out, how good the double chocolate cookies with caramel crunches were in comparison with the vanilla flavoured drink chocolate from the shop on the other side of the street. Kagami didn´t know one could compare a cookie with a drink but Murasakibara didn´t seem to care about the fact that he compared apples and oranges so Kagami didn´t bother to correct him. A few messages were about how Kagami was feeling and more than one time he had found himself with both hands at his phone at the edge of writing back but he never could send his answer even when he wrote out two whole sentences his finger always trembled when he wanted to press the send button so in the end he didn´t do it. 

 

Akashis messages were the most neutral ones; every morning Kagami got one that asked about his well-being, nothing more and nothing less. In the evening the other red head sometimes sent a message that was more personal, telling him how his day way, how well their basketball team was doing and that Seirin won´t win the next Winter Cup. He sometimes smiled at those messages but they missed to light that spark inside him that would have been lit before. But of course he ignored it and blamed it on the exhaustion that had taken a hold of him in the last days.   
His dad had once told him that people got more honest in the evening which was a strange thing because there seemed to be happen the worst things whenever the sun didn´t look down on the earth anymore. But when Kagami received a message from Akashi about how sorry he would be, how he never should have let something like that happen to Kagami and all he wanted was to kill Haizaki he wondered about the dispersion between honesty and crimes. Maybe the difference wasn´t as big as he had thought. And even if that text of Akashi had made his throat tight and made his eyes burn he had closed the phone and pulled the covers over his head and deleted the message.

 

Kurokos texts were the ones Kagami was the most comfortable with since all they were over was school whenever Kagami couldn´t get out of his bed because his bones felt too heavy or his eyes wouldn´t open. Sometimes Kuroko wrote about what Nigou had done and sometimes even sent him a picture, probably just to annoy the red head but when Kuroko messaged him about how even Nigou would miss him the texts got less comforting because guilt was a heavy feeling and it pulled Kagami down, pulled at his limps until they felt as if they would rip off. More than one time his fingers had hovered over the keypad in the silent question to write back and to ease Kurokos worry.   
To write that he was fine and the only thing he needed was a bit time, that it would get better from day to day and that maybe in a few weeks Kagami could be back on the court with Kuroko. To be that light Kuroko needed. But nothing could have been a worse lie, because after those first weeks everything got worse. 

\--

Kagami again looked outside, pulled the blanket closer around his body and laid his head on his knees which he had pulled up against his chin. Tatsuyas apartment was nice, the rooms were old so the ceiling was high and the windowsills were wide enough for a big guy like him to sit on. He liked it here, it was quiet, spacey and cool. He didn´t like the heat anymore, the summer had been the worst and he was so glad that it finally was over; that September was nearly at its end and the air became cooler. In summer it was hot, the trains were hot, the streets were hot-everything was just suffocating hot and dry and people were wearing too less clothes and showed too much skin. It was disgusting how their skin smelled of sweat and how the naked skin touched his, how it would press against his since the trains were always full, the buses were full and all the places Kagami had loved going to before were suddenly full of people who were half naked since it was so hot and sweated like animals and smelled like pigs. 

 

Kagami had begun to take the earliest train because of that, it then was empty and only a few people were inside, sometimes talking quietly into their phones, reading the news or chatting with their neighbours. He felt safe there, his nose wasn´t abused by the smell of skin and his eyes weren´t molested by nakedness. People always gave him strange looks when he entered the train in long jeans and almost always in a long armed shirt, but he ignored them-they would look at him anyway, because he was tall, broad, big, had flaming red hair, was defiled, ugly, used, disgusting weak and-Kagami desperately shook his head in hope to get rid of all those disturbing thoughts. He groaned and buried his head between his knees, squeezing his eyes shut as his fingernails pressed against the inside of hand. It was so annoying, he had always loved the summer-everything was so bright, it was warm and the sun had always felt amazing. He had loved to surf, play basketball or just relax with a few friends thinking how cool they were when they were drinking beer although they were underage. And now… everything was tainted, wherever he looked it just didn´t feel right anymore-everything was too bright, too warm, too much. The drinks were too warm and tasted like shit but in the end Kagami knew that the only thing that was shitty was him. That he was the one who was tainted; who was broken so of course nothing would fit anymore since everything else was perfectly whole. It was just him-just him who was so… wrong, who wasn´t whole anymore because something inside had been ripped apart.   
And the day from which he realized that something maybe wasn´t as fine as he wanted to, from which it all went downwards was one especially hot day. Kagami had felt strange since morning but nothing could have prepared him for something like this. 

 

_The bag on his shoulder felt heavy when Kagami entered the still empty classroom. He was early as always and as he sat down on his chair the noise echoed quietly inside the room. The bag was set on the floor and the red head laid his head on his hands as he looked outside and watched how the sun made her way up into the sky, sending cold and orange light over to the waiting flowers and trees. It already was dying hot and Kagami sweated despite the air con inside the school. He pressed his handballs against his eyes. They still hurt since he didn´t sleep well the last few nights because something always forced him awake in the middle of the night. And now he was so tired he could fall asleep in the middle of the lesson._  
The silence was disturbed when the bell rang and loud steps and voices of coming students filled the air. Kagami winced when the door was forced open, the steps grew louder, noisier and chairs were moved and laughter filled the air. His nostrils were filled with the smell of different perfumes, sweat and the smell of the leather of the school bags. He swallowed thickly and squeezed his eyes shut when nausea rushed from his head to his stomach, making it boil in attempt to throw out the little breakfast Kagami had earlier. His legs trembled when the teacher told them to stand and nearly collapsed when he could sit again. Pressing his hands on his stomach he tried to gain control over his breathing as he tried to force down the urge to throw up in front of everyone else.   
Oh shit, oh shit, panicked he pressed one hand over his mouth and breathed through his noise but the smell of sweat only seemed to get worse and when wind brushed against his throat like chapped lips all air seemed to be sucked out of his lungs, like someone had hit him in the stomach and Kagami knew that if he wouldn´t run to the toilets right now he would throw up in front of the whole class. His chair hit the floor when he quickly stood up and practically ran out of the classroom, ignoring the shouts of his teacher and hasted down the hallways to the toilets.   
Doors were slammed shut and just one second later Kagami released his whole breakfast into the toilet sink. He coughed and tried to breathe slowly once the only thing in his mouth left was the acid taste of bile. His heart was pounding in his head and his own heart beats seemed to echo in his scull when pictures flashed in front of his eyes and the smell and taste of sweat grew worse and worse. 

_Haizaki._

_It smelled like Haizaki-fuck, it even tasted like him when he… a sob left Kagamis mouth and his body shook under the attack as he curled up on the white cold ground. His limbs trembled and hot tears were suddenly streaming over his face and Kagami didn´t know where they came from-it had been three weeks since the last time he cried and he really didn´t want to start again but no matter how hard he tried the tears didn´t stop for the next ten minutes when Kagami felt so empty that the only thing he could do was to stare against the dirty wall behind the toilet. At least he had stopped shaking except for the small tremors that still ran through him and his heart and breathing had calmed down. It also didn´t feel like the walls were spinning or crashing down on him anymore so it had to be over, right? Whatever it was._

_“Kagami-kun?” a voice sounded through the stalls and he jerked in surprise._

_“Y-yes?” Oh shit, was that really him? His voice was so rough and broke around the edges-definitely not normal._

_“Are you alright?” He sighed; it seemed that his teacher sent one of his classmates after him. Lucky for him that it wasn´t Kuroko._

_“Ah, yes-I´ll be right back! I don´t know, guess I ate something strange yesterday!”_

_“Urgh, okay-Please don´t strain yourself!”_

_Muttering a small thank you Kagami heard how the door fell shut. His hand still shook a bit when he flushed the toilet and his legs barely carried his weight to the sinks and it felt like an hour to him until his face didn´t look like a red sponge anymore and his cold hands finally were warm again._

_It felt like he needed learn to walk all over again when he made his way back to the classroom, still thinking about what to say to his teacher and his bones felt like jelly when he finally opened the door to-of course-be the target of all the curious stares of his classmates and the scowling eyes of his teacher. With a quick bow he apologized and stuttered an embarrassed “sorry” before walking over to his desk, keeping his eyes glued to the floor._

_The ground seemed to become more interesting day by day._

\--

After that day everything got worse. 

Taking a sip from the cold tea Kagami moved over to couch and curled up in the corner. The remote felt heavy in his hands as he pressed the button to turn on the TV and he closed his eyes for a moment when voices of some Anime filled the room with meaningless dialogues and faked emotions. It was better than silence, everything was better than silence until the moment the silence was filled. Because then everything seemed too loud again and Kagami would find himself at loss of what to do; silence or no silence. He never was sure. 

\--

A few days after the incident in school he suffered under another attack. The police had called him again, asking to talk to him again because they still had questions about the detailed circumstances of the offence and if Kagami hadn´t been in such a bad mood he maybe had laughed at them. Instead of laughing he had puked inside the newly cleaned toilet until his throat was raw.   
But no matter how much he didn’t want to talk to those police officers he knew it had to be done so in the next week he had visited that cold and stinking police department, half an hour with the train and a ten minute foot walk away from the station. 

It had been strange that retelling the event had taken longer than the incident itself did and once when Kagami looked on the clock after he had been released from the clutches of that fat and grumpy police officer he had been shocked when he realized that he actually spent three hours inside that small room. But now that had been done and for the first time in the last weeks he had felt relieved-at least a bit and his shoulders seemed lighter and his arms weren´t that heavy anymore. 

After that he had touched a basketball again-after almost three weeks.

\--

_The air was hot as ever but as Kagami stood there in the streets he found himself unable to go home. The idea of being alone-probably-in the big apartment since Tatsuya was probably out studying didn´t seem so appealing anymore and so he strolled through the streets like a strayed cat. Just that a strayed cat probably wouldn´t look at sport shoes or the latest basketball magazines. But as he thumbed through the magazines and tried on a few new shoes just to leave the shop in frustration he couldn´t help but feeling strangely normal and at ease-as if he just disappeared among the crowd and Kagami wondered if that was what Kuroko always felt._

_It had been nearly dark when he finally made his way back to the station but his steps slowed down when he passed a basketball court and saw one tall guy with short black hair throw hoops. He watched how the ball bounced back into open hands just to be thrown again through the net and he could feel his fingertips itch in curiosity and strange alertness. They were waiting to touch a basketball again and not only his fingers suddenly seemed to have too much power that they needed to work out. Also his legs seemed to yearn to be used again and before his head could catch on his legs had already walked over the street and the boy turned around when Kagami entered the court._

_“Yo, do you need an opponent?” he asked, his voice rough since he didn´t use it often anymore but the other guy just nodded and threw the ball to him._

_He caught it and cocked his head in interest. Huh, that throw had some force behind it. That would be interesting. Kagami left his bag next to the bench and turned the ball between his hands. It felt warm, securing and familiar-so familiar and yet alien that it made Kagamis stomach twist. He swallowed. It had been nearly three weeks since the last time he touched a basketball and it was scary how he had not even missed it._

_“Oi, you´re just going to stand there?”_

_Startled the redhead looked up. The other boy stared at him in annoyance; one eyebrow was lifted as he took a sip of his sports drink and Kagami could feel anger boiling inside his guts. It was a strangely welcomed feeling._

_“Or are you scared?” A smirk spread on the thin lips of the other who couldn´t be that much older than Kagami and the redhead snorted._

_“Tch, who would be?!”_

_It felt good, he thought when the ball bounced against his hand and his legs began to move, the muscles in his back tensed and his arms moved with the rest of his body, easily finding their way back into the old rhythm. It was like riding a bike. There were a few things one couldn´t forget since it was engraved into every muscle and into every pigment of one’s skin._

_Like the six._

_The image caught him off guard and he stumbled over his own feet, giving his opponent the opportunity to take the ball from him and just heard faintly how the net whooshed and the ball bounced against the ground._

_He shook his head and gritted his teeth as he tried to cover his embarrassing failure but strangely the other didn´t say anything and just threw the ball back at him. He caught it gracefully-more or less-and determined to not let his thoughts wander again and maybe trigger some panic attack again he let his legs and arms move for him while his head stayed empty and the only thing left were his instinct screaming at him to move, dodge, throw, dunk and run._

_He lost, pathetically, but that was alright because he actually felt great. Just sitting there, panting and gasping because no matter how easy it was to find back into the rhythm of that sport, it still asked everything out of him. Especially after four weeks of pause. His legs stung, his skin was slick with sweat but apparently his head is too empty and too focused on the basic functions of his body to bother him with the feeling of panic like before._

_The other boy plopped down right next to him, not too near and not too far and offered him a bottle of water which Kagami gratefully accepted._

_“You´re good” the guy gave him an appraising smile and Kagami snorted, but still felt strangely content with the comment._

_“I lost.”_

_“Hmh, well that´s true but you´re still good. I´m Nijmuro Shuzo by the way.” The black haired boy stood up and offered Kagami a hand._

_“Kagami Taiga.”_

_Nijmuro smiled at him and nodded. “Well I need to go, it was good playing against you Kagami Taiga, maybe we can do it again.”_

_The redhead nodded as he accepted the hand, warm and slightly sweaty but a reliably and tight handgrip._

_“Sure.”_

_“I hope you then have found what you lost Kagami-kun. You won´t be able to beat me if you don´t.”_

_Confused he blinked at him, with furrowed eyebrows and wrinkled nose. “What do you mean?”_

_The other shrugged and sighed as he strapped the bag over his shoulder. “I saw your jumps and how fast you were. It just seemed that something was holding you back or maybe… pulled you down.”_

_Those dark, intelligent eyes roamed over his body until Kagami was fidgeting on his own feet in uncomfortable silence._

_“More like a bird with truncated wings.”_

_Kagamis look fell on the floor and he curled his arms around his middle as he suddenly felt very naked in the presence of the strange boy even though his name seemed to ring some bells in him._

_“But… I need to apologize.”_

_A warm hand was on his shoulder and Kagamis silently cursed himself for jerking under the innocent touch. He felt pathetic when the hand quickly moved away._

_“It wasn´t my place to say something like that but I meant it. I would like to play against you some time. Maybe we´ll catch each other somewhere.”_

_The only thing he could do was to nod dumbly as he listened to the steps that got quieter with every metre between them. When he knew he was alone he pulled up his bag, stuffed his hands in his pocket and finally made his way to the station; the play against the black haired boy just a faint memory._

_He rubber over his skin as the sweat got cold and felt so ugly on his body that he quickened his pace, eager to get back to the apartment and the weight on his shoulders just seemed as heavy as before, maybe even heavier._

_A bird with truncated wings, huh?_

_What utterly annoying shit. The next time he would beat that arrogant guy and show him what wings were._

_Maybe the memory wasn´t that faint._  
\--

Sometimes the words still echoed in his head and Kagami wondered about what that Nijmuro guy had meant exactly but soon his thoughts would wander off and he would ask himself from where he knew the name. He sighed when he laid his head back and stared at the ceiling. The rush of confidence from that day had only last that long and in the evening Kagami had showered three times, scrubbed his skin until it had turned red and changed his clothes just as much. And still everything had seemed to smell like sweat. 

From that day on Tatsuya seemed to be even more suspicious, even though he never asked but Kagami could feel the worried looks and glances he gave him. He was grateful that Tatsuya hadn´t asked any questions-he still didn´t-but the nagging voice inside his head that he maybe should talk to him hadn´t shut up and just grew louder with every comforting and mindful action the other did. And even though Kagami wasn´t the sharpest knife in the drawer, he wasn´t dumb enough to believe that Tatsuya still believed the “I-fell-off-my-bike” story-maybe he never did. So he had asked himself more than once what it was that kept him from telling the person he probably trusted the most right now what was wrong with him. He wasn´t sure but whenever he intended to tell him, his voice would die down and it felt like something was stuck inside his throat and kept him from forming any further words. And when the talk was over his hands would begin to shake as soon as he was alone again and he suddenly knew why he couldn´t talk. The “what-if” scenarios that appeared inside his head were mostly horror-versions in which Tatsuya would react in disgust, snapping away from him once again or would throw him out because he couldn´t live with someone as weak as Kagami. Sometimes Kagami was afraid that Tatsuya maybe never wanted to look at him again or even touch him. And the redhead knew he was wrong, that Tatsuya wouldn´t react that way, but the chance that he would was still there and somehow the fear always grew bigger whenever he wanted to talk. 

 

But he also knew that he couldn´t keep going that way-not since his dreams were also taken by _him_. In the first weeks Kagami had done nothing but sleeping because then he didn´t need to think and everything was okay when he slept, but after three weeks-just a few days after the bathroom incident-images, voices and memories began to assault him in his sleep. At first he couldn´t remember what he had dreamt of but that soon changed when one night he woke up screaming and just faintly heard how Tatsuya rushed to his side, asking what was wrong but he couldn´t answer, couldn´t speak and had slapped the small helping hand of his brother away with a horrified shout-mistaking him for someone else. The face in his dream had still seemed to waver in front of his eyes and that voice had still molested his ears, so he had been unable to hear Tatsuyas soothing voice, somehow caught up in the past. 

And now-now he didn´t dare to even close his eyes anymore and fall asleep because _he_ would be waiting for him. Calling him, inviting him in with a toothy smirk and then he would press him down just to rape him all over again. The dreams were dark, dominated by Haizakis laugh and his smile. Sometimes he would cut him open while he fucked him and grabbed and squeezed his bare lungs until Kagami couldn´t breathe anymore so he would jerk awake, panting and sweating heavily as he gasped for breath. Sometimes they would be playing basketball against each other and Kagami couldn´t move an inch as he heard Haizaki scoring again and again, telling him how pathetic he would be until the scene would change and he experienced the rape all over again. It was suffocating and Kagami always felt so filthy and dirty all that he got up at sometimes 3 o´clock in the morning to take a shower because he still could feel how Haizakis fingers danced over his skin, making him shiver with disturbing pleasure until the soft touches turned into violent scratching and it felt like the other would skin him alive. 

But those weren´t the worst dreams-the worst were when Haizakis face changed into another; sometimes it was Aomine, Akashi, someone else of the Generation of Miracles or even Kuroko. And one time it even was his brother and every time Kagami woke up from those dreams he felt so guilty and disgusted with himself that he took a cold shower until his lips turned blue and his whole body went cold. Because they wouldn´t do something like that-hell, they wouldn´t even want to touch him any way! They had seen how he had been raped, how everything had been taken from him-how _weak_ he had been, there was no way anyone would want to touch him again! Which was good since Kagami didn´t want to be touched either; well, at least most of the times because sometimes he suddenly wanted someone near him but as soon as he tried to approach Tatsuya about it there was this ugly feeling inside that told him to retreat and pull the covers over his head. 

 

It was exhausting and on some days Kagami probably looked more dead than alive, scaring away the other passengers on the train even more than usual. 

He jerked out of his thoughts when he heard keys tingle and the creaking of the door. 

“Taiga?” Tatsuyas voice sounded through the room, a bit exhausted and agitated and the redhead suddenly felt bad for having done nothing at all-he didn´t even cook since his legs felt too heavy to move. It had been a bad day again in which he hadn´t even gone to school but now that he saw Tatsuyas tired face and slumped shoulders he wished that he just had done something, maybe he could have cleaned the flat or made something small to eat but no; the only thing he had done was laying on the couch or staring outside, giving room for those depressing thoughts. 

“H-hey”, he croaked and cleared his throat when his voice sounded too rough and gave the black haired boy a small smile. 

“Are you hungry?” Tatsuya placed his bag on the ground and hung his jacket up. Kagami shook his head before he remembered that his brother couldn´t hear him and shouted a no, his famous appetite had decreased greatly in the last weeks and was just another sign for Kagami that was wrong-a sign he had chosen to ignore. 

“Really?” Tatsuya looked at him and the worried look in his eyes made Kagami swallow in guilt and he averted his eyes when he shook his head. 

No one talked when Tatsuya made food and even though Kagamis eyes were glued to the TV screen he had no idea what was happening and the voices just spiralled into one strange noise that filled his ears and head, underlining the questions in his head. Should he tell him? He wanted to-he really did somehow, he was so tired and he didn´t know what to do anymore. Everything was so disturbing and strange, he couldn´t sleep anymore but being awake was not better because he began seeing Haizaki everywhere he went and it was driving him crazy. He just didn´t know what to do! There was no way he could ask Kuroko for help-not after he had seen everything-but his brother could help him and if there was one thing he had learned from Kuroko and Seirin was that it was perfectly okay to need help, to rely on others and to ask for advice so… why couldn´t he do it now?

The dipping of the couch ripped him out of his thoughts and he glanced at Tatsuya who seemed to have reheated noodles from the convenient story, probably far too tired to cook something. And here he sat and hadn´t done anything. 

“How was your day?” the older one asked softly, chewing and curling his lips into an unsatisfied expression at the taste of the noodles and Kagami clenched and unclenched his fists nervously. 

“Boring”, he curtly gave back, not looking up from his lap. Should he? But Tatsuya was tired-maybe it was better to wait until to tomorrow and-

“What did you do?” Tatsuyas voice was quiet and gentle and it should sooth Kagamis nerves but it only flamed his feelings of guilt and made his throat even tighter. 

“U-uhm, well I…” He blinked into the living room, his tongue felt far too heavy to come up with some lie that he usually would tell Tatsuya because he couldn´t bear to admit that he had only hung on the couch and had not even gone to school because the light would hurt his eyes and the people would drive him mad. But now… “Nothing…” he whispered and it felt hollow, the truth. He wasn´t sure if he had expectations before but if he had they probably hadn´t been to feel nothing. 

“Nothing?” Tatsuya asked after chewing and swallowing those distasteful convenient noodles and Kagami nodded. 

“Were you at school?”

He shook his head, dumbly staring at the TV screen when tears gathered in his eyes without his consent. He shouldn´t have started talking, he should have continued lying, telling Tatsuya about non existing activities that he did during the day-it would have been easier, it would have been so much easier and…  
It would have been wrong. 

He took a deep breath when he heard how his brother placed the cup of noodles on the table and turned towards him-the cushions rustled a bit and he pulled the sheet tighter around his brother. 

“Taiga… I-I know something´s wrong, I´m not dumb” 

He shook his head, biting on his lip to supress the urge to cry because he didn´t think he was dumb! But if he now would talk, Tatsuya would notice that he was on the edge of tears and that would be humiliating and embarrassing. 

“I really didn´t want to disturb you because I know that you would talk if you wanted but…” The soft touch of Tatsuyas hand made Kagami nearly jump out of his skin as the other pulled at his shoulder with gentle force. Kagami squeezed his eyes shut because he was unable to remain calm under the gentle look in Tatsuyas visible eye. 

 

_Don´t look at me like that!_ Something pleaded inside his him as his hand shook when he ran it through his hair, trying to keep his composure because he wasn´t ready, not at all, he probably would never be ready!

“Taiga, you´re… not yourself anymore. It´s like you´re fading away from me day for day and… I can´t just stand by and watch!” 

The pain in Tatsuyas voice was obvious and Kagami whimpered unintentionally when he wanted to swallow down the lump in his throat. His heart was racing, the pounding inside his head got worse and he broke out in sweat, he wasn´t- he couldn´t-how should he… He didn´t want Tatsuya to hurt, he had done that in the past and he never wanted to do that again so…

“Please… Taiga, let me help you!” Tatsuya pleaded and when Kagami finally looked up the dark haired boy seemed just as desperate as him, his eyes shone in wetness and Kagami wondered a bit why he would cry but the question remained a question when his own tears finally spilled out of his eyes and he was pulled into a crushing hug that only made everything worse and soon he sobbed into Tatsuyas shoulder. Ugly howls left his mouth as he clawed into Tatsuyas T-shirt and he made pathetic sounds, gasped for air as he cried his eyes out and left wet traces on the dark cloth.   
Tatsuya held him close until there weren´t any tears to shed and he was so exhausted that he stared lifelessly against his brothers shoulder and didn´t even notice when the words tumbled out of his mouth, heavy like stones; but just as heavy as they were as light Kagami began to feel as soon as they left him. He had no idea if the things he said made sense and he probably talked over five minutes about the basketball game they had played before everything had happened. 

“And it hurt…” he whispered, “It hurt so much and I couldn´t anything! He was just too strong, holding me down, laughing at me and-God!- I had no idea something could hurt that much and he-he was just, I-I don´t know, he-Tatsuya, I-, I let him fucking rape me!” He cried out and scrambled away from the other when he felt Tatsuya tense. But the words didn´t stop coming, they spilled out of his mouth and now that he had begun talking he couldn´t stop anymore, it was like his mouth was working on his own-without any control. 

“I-I let him pin me down and-and I let him _fuck_ me!” He shouted as he stood up and began to pace up and down the living room, grabbing his hair in anger as the words continued. “I let that guy scar me for the rest of my life and just let him beat me up like I was nothing, let him do all those disgusting things to me and-do you see that?!” He pulled up his shirt with a rough movement, showing Tatsuya the scars on his stomach and still good visible six. “He-he cut me! And I didn´t do anything and-“, he stopped and haltered in his movements when he noticed that his brother was shaking under the sobs and his hand was pressed against his lips to supress any sound that could leave them. Kagami swallowed, standing there with shaking hands, “I-I´m sorry I shouldn´t have-I-“

Tatsuya shook his head, “No, no Taiga-it´s oh God no it´s not like that-it´s just that…” the voice of the dark haired boy broke and he took quivering breaths to regain control of his language again, “I-I had an idea about what might be wrong, but… T-Taiga, none of this was _your_ fault!” With desperate eyes the other looked at him and Kagami fidgeted under his gaze, swallowing thickly when Tatsuya stood up and pulled him against him for the second time this evening, wrapping his arms around Kagamis back and caressed the tense muscles with gentle and soothing touches that made the redhead shiver. 

“Taiga… it´s not your fault, please…”

“I´m taller than him! I was weak, I could have fought him off! I nearly did it but he-he came after me, chased me and I couldn´t stop him Tatsuya!” he shouted and tried to free himself from Tatsuyas grip but the other boy gripped his shoulders, staring right into his eyes. “Taiga, physical strength isn´t the only advantage one can have over another person. He took advantage of you and you were afraid-you are not blame, please believe me!”

“B-But I let him inside, Tatsuya…” Kagami whispered and stared at their feet, “ I believed that he wanted to play basketball against me, maybe wanted to start over again like a second chance but… how could I be this stupid!?” He gritted his teeth in anger and clenched his fists. “If-If I hadn´t let him inside nothing of this would have happened and everything would be fine!”

“…Taiga? Who was it?” Startled Kagami looked up-right, he hadn´t even told Tatsuya the name since he tried to not give him a name-even in his thoughts. He swallowed. 

“Do I know him?”

He nodded and heard how his brother took a harsh breath and sat back on the sofa, gripping his own hands. 

“Please, tell me his name.”

“He-he´s in prison anyway so…”

“Taiga, please…” Tatsuyas voice was strained as if he danced on the edge of his control and Kagami curled his arms around his stomach. 

“H-Haizaki…” the name was foreign on his tongue and left a weird taste on it when it left his mouth and for a moment the name seemed to hang in the air until his brother made a hissing noise. 

“I´m going to kill him.” And from the tone that even made Kagami shiver the redhead believed him and a part of his soul agreed with the other, offering his participation. 

“He-he´s locked away, he can´t hurt me anymore…” Kagami mumbled. He wasn´t sure who he wanted to assure or persuade with that but it probably didn´t work on either of them. 

“Still…” 

There was a moment of silence in which Kagami didn´t know what he should do so he inspected their furniture, the books on the shelves and the various pictures Tatsuya had put on them. He smiled slightly-no one would think that someone as cool headed and cold from appearance like Tatsuya would be so soft about memories and stuff like that. It was something he always had found endearing even if he himself wasn´t that much of a photo friend. Maybe because he always looked like a fool on them. 

“I´m sorry, I shouldn´t have reacted like that” Tatsuyas voice brought him back and a bit surprised he looked over to him. His brother was biting his lips, something he only did when he was very, very nervous and Kagami shook his head and sat next to him. 

“No it´s okay, I mean… it´s a lot to-well, to take in so…” 

Now it was his brothers’ turn to shake his head and he pulled Kagami against him, letting his head rest on his shoulder. 

“I didn´t mean it that way Taiga, it´s just that I can´t stand the thought that someone hurt you-you, you don´t deserve that! I mean no one deserves that but the last person on this whole planet would be you!” Tatsuyas voice grew quieter to the end and his finger had begun to comb through Kagamis unruly hair, making the redhead feel warm and comfortable, almost sleepy. 

“I-I know…” he smiled, “it´s just… I can´t get him out of my head. It doesn´t matter if I am awake or asleep, it´s like he´s always there, waiting for me and… I can´t get rid of him! It´s driving me nuts that I just can´t do anything!”

Tatsuyas one free hand grabbed Kagamis shaking ones and held them together. His thumb drew calming circles on the redheads dry skin-it had clearly suffered under all the showers and soaps he had used on his body. 

“Have you told anyone else about it?” he quietly asked and Kagami shook his head. 

“N-no, I-I couldn´t, not even Kuroko because…” He gave a short laugh, freeing his hand from Tatsuyas grip to run it through his hair, “I-I didn´t need to because…they already know.”

His brother frowned; he already had guessed something has happened with Kuroko and maybe with the other guys of the Generation of Miracles since his brother didn´t want to stay with Kuroko and also reacted quiet badly to Atsushi. He had invited his team mate over for one day but Kagami had locked himself away after just one hour and after that Atsushi had never asked again-even though he had been strangely agitated and exited before- and Tatsuya never invited him. They had always met outside or at the dorm near the school. 

“What do mean?”

Kagami tensed and swallowed, “They already knew, they-they saw because-“ he gave a short, empty laugh, “Haizaki” the name felt like venom in his mouth, “thought it would be a good idea to take photos and film me so that he could send theat to his ex-team mates, showing them how awesome he was. I don´t know-he had said a few other things but I-, “his eyes darkened at the memory, “didn´t really pay attention.”

“That´s…” Tatsuya paused, finding himself at loss for words, “why-why would he do something like that? I mean-I just don´t understand!”

Kagami smiled at his brothers antics and sighed, “I don´t know-I don´t even care anymore, it´s all so tiring-I just… I can´t see them right now, it´s hard enough to see Kuroko at school-thank fuck for his low presence-but “, he swallowed at how cruel he sounded, “I don´t know why, but whenever I see him or just read their names or messages everything seems to come back! It just feels so… ugly, I don´t even know what it is but it feels like it would suffocate me!” 

“Well that´s understandable since they kind of are a direct link to something you´d rather forget.” 

“Y-yeah but I don´t want that, I don´t like to ignore them like that, especially Kuroko cause…I miss him, I even miss his stupid dog!” 

Tatsuya gave a quiet laugh, “then… what do you plan to do about it?”

The question seemed to tangle in the air and Tatsuya watched how his brother seemed to struggle with his thoughts, obviously trying to come up with something-anything. 

“I-I don´t know, I mean-what _can_ I do?” The redhead turned towards his brother, looking at bit lost.

Tatsuya smiled at him, “have you thought about getting professional help Taiga?”

Kagami frowned, “you mean I should go to a person I don´t know at all to tell her all my problems?” He scoffed, “yeah someone like that had been in the hospital, I told her to kindly to fuck off.” 

Tatsuya sighed, “maybe she wasn´t the best example but I think you should give it a try. If it isn´t right for you, you can stop at any time, but” he smiled at him “ at least you gave it a try or…” his smile melted into a smirk-he knew it probably wasn´t fair towards his brother, but maybe the only way to make him accept it: as a challenge. “are you afraid?”

An expression Tatsuya knew very well but had missed the last three month dawned on Kagamis face as determination-still fragile but at least there-and the fiery spirit he knew so well lit up in ruby eyes even if it still seemed to flicker. 

“Of course not!”

“I know” Tatsuya stood up and caught Kagamis cheeks between his hand palms, caressing the area underneath the eyes. He smiled, “You´re strong, I know that but please share the burden and don´t think you´re on your own here. It was very brave to talk to me, I cannot image how hard that must but I could see how difficult it was. But the help I can offer has its limits and I am certain that you would benefit from someone who knows what to tell you and is able to help you.”

Kagami averted his eyes; the words sounded like the ones Kuroko had addressed him with at the Winter Cup in their game against Akashi when he had tried to burden the pressure alone and Kagami had found out that it had been indeed easier after he had let Kuroko in-it _had_ opened the last gate of the Zone for him. So maybe…   
He nodded and grabbed Tatsuyas hand with his own, leaning against the warmness against his cheeks and closed his eyes. 

“Okay… I´ll, I´ll give it a try but if she´s stupid I´ll stop!” 

Tatsuya nodded, relief washing over him. Kagami frowned, “but how should I find one?”

Tatsuya smiled at the antic of his brother, the soft looking face, relaxed and trusting. Where had that stupid idea that it was better to throw their relationship away due to childish jealousy come from? 

“Leave that to me okay?”

Kagami nodded against his hand and the silence might have stayed silence for a bit longer if not Kagamis stomach decided to speak up and growl quite loudly, making Tatsuya laugh and Kagami blush in slight embarrassment. 

“Should we order take-in?” 

Kagami nodded and also stood up, “I´ll get something to drink and you order?”

“How about pizza?” Tatsuya called, already in the kitchen, looking through the flyers they had gathered from various restaurants and diners. 

“Sounds good to me” the redhead smiled and put their glasses on the table. 

And as they both snuggled up on the couch and watched some dumb American action movie where the plot didn´t really made sense to Kagami he decided that he definitely would cook breakfast tomorrow, even if it was just to ease the feeling of guilt that his guts still seemed to harbour. And as he slowly fell asleep to the sounds of the TV, his stomach filled and Tatsuyas hand combed through his hair he thought that it was the right idea to tell his secret. It felt like his lungs were freer than before and breathing seemed easier. He felt strangely content as his mind finally drifted over into Morpheus arms. 

\--

Kuroko looked up from the book he was reading when his phone blinked-foreign and bright in the room that was dark except for the small lamp beside the bed (his mother would scold him if she ever found out). Curious he snapped his phone open and his eyes squinted in light confusion when the name Himuro Tatsuya appeared on the screen. 

_He´s on a good way. Please, don´t give up on him.  
Himuro_

Kuroko stared at the text for a while, before he decided to write back. His stomach was fluttering even though he felt offended that Himuro could just have the idea that Kuroko would ever give up on Kagami. He never would-there was no way he would ever watch how his light got swallowed up by darkness. Never again. 

_That was never my intention.  
Kuroko_

He smiled as he sent the message from Himuro to Aomine, Akashi and the rest-they all probably wanted to know but still… he snapped his phone shut and turned off the light. Kuroko stared at the ceiling as the only noise that was heard was the soft snoring of Nigou and the rustling of the sheets when turned to lie on his side, watching his phone blink at the various responses his message received. 

_-Well he better hurry! And what the hell is this bastard thinking that we ever would?_

Kuroko chuckled, Aomine could talk as much as he wanted but he knew that the other was really worried-in his own strange way. Aomine had obvisiously missed playing against Kagami and he was not that spirited at their group gatherings they still did as he were when Kagami had participated. The blue haired teen had gotten to having Kagami around and sometimes Kuroko wondered how used. 

_-Uaaah, I missed Kagami-cchi! o(≧∇≦o) But I don´t like the tone of his brother (●o≧д≦)o_

Kise was expressive as ever but it just hid how worried Kise was. Kuroko knew the blonde model had worn his cheery face as a mask to hide how hard the months had been-the feeling of guilt had crashed all of them, but the one who probably blamed himself the most was Kise. 

_-Well, these are good news I would say._

Midorima was short as ever, but the shooter had always told Kuroko what the lucky item for the Leo sign would be and added a few advises whenever the luck was especially bad. Unfortunately Kuroko found he was unable to deliver the messages since Kagami had dodged his approaches like Kuroko was some disease but Midorima had reassured him that he would send the same messages to Kagami. Which left the question why he had sent them to Kuroko at all. 

_-Huh, Muro-chin didn´t tell me._

Murasakibara was the one who talked the least about what had happened but sometimes Kuroko caught him staring at his phone and one time he had managed to take a look at the saved messages. He knew out of experience that Murasakibara wasn´t one to write long or many texts and messages but he found one message per day and sometimes even more that had been sent to Kagami and even though he didn´t know what those messages were about he was sure that Murasakibara cared in his own way.

_-I also received an interesting message._

That was Akashi and Kuroko frowned slightly at the answer, writing back to ask what he meant. Akashi had always tried to ease their feelings of guilt, telling them they weren´t to blame but often Kuroko caught him, when Akashi thought no one was watching, looking outside and the feeling of guilt seemed to be written on his face in a deep sad frown and tired eyes. 

_-I´m sorry but I don´t think it would be appropriate to tell you. Not until Kagami decides to tell you on his own._

Kurokos frown deepened but he knew that it was impossible to get any more information once Akashi had set his head on keeping it from him. So he sighed, left the message unanswered and finally lay down to sleep. Kuroko wasn´t naïve enough to believe that Kagami would open up to them tomorrow or next week but maybe they could trust Himuros judgment and over the next months he would get his light back-they would get their light back. It was so lonely without his hot-headed idiotic basketball partner, so Kuroko let himself be a bit egoistic to wish that the other would come back to him. 

\--

“Good afternoon Kagami-kun” 

The woman smiled at him and sat behind her desk, looking at him with open and intelligent eyes. 

“Do you prefer to stand or to sit?”

He blinked at her, “Uh, sitting is good I guess…”

The chair creaked a bit under his weight and a bit anxiously he fidgeted on his chair, playing with his fingers as he took in the small but bright room. Shelves decorated the walls, full of books, pictures and paintings of artists Kagami had never heard of and small charms and dreamcatchers hung from the shelf. 

“My name is Hiroki Suzuki, do you want to talk in Japanese or English?” 

“Uhm, Japanese is fine I guess,” he wondered where Himuro found a therapist who could speak English and Japanese and could make an appointment with him in less than a week. He looked at the woman again who smiled and nodded at him. 

“So, Kagami-kun, is it alright if I call you that?” he nodded, it was all happening a bit fast “how are you today?”

The question surprised him a bit, but maybe it was easier to start talking about something not that important. The hard questions would come soon enough.

So he swallowed down the lump in his throat, clawed his hands into each other and softly began to talk. The words felt heavy, like when he had started to talk to his brother-just harder, but they came and hopefully they wouldn´t stop so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uuuuh yes, I tried to give my best to think of what might Kagami could think and feel but of course you can never really know that, so I just tried to be as careful as I could. Since he also kinda locked himself away after their loss against the Touou game ( I know that´s a complete different thing) I thought that he maybe lock himself away again, just a bit more forceful.   
> I hope I did alright, so please tell me what you think, leave kudos if you want and well, thank you so much for reading this little thing (even thought I´m the worst updater ever)  
> Love,   
> AnonXY


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :)
> 
> I`m sorry that it took so long, but now I´m back from vacation^^ The chapter is very long, sorry about that, I guess it´s the longest chapter I´ve ever written but I hope you get through it anyway :)
> 
> It is also the last chapter of this story!! Can you believe that??!
> 
> Any I want to thank everyone who kept up with such an aweful updater like me, especially those who gave kudos and also reviewed and gave me much inspiration! I´m really really grateful for your support! :) Your words always made me smile and I really enjoyed reading the reviews!
> 
> It a bit sad that the story ends here but I´m also really proud^^ But I may write a sequel to this one, focusing more on the pairing gomxKagami since I ship it so hard :D
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy that chapter, it´s really fluffly compared to the rest!

_One year later_

Kuroko smiled to himself when he took a sip of his water bottle and wiped the sweat off his forehead as he took a seat on the wooden bench next to the basketball court. A warm feeling settled in his stomach as he watched his friends play against each other in a three-on-three after he had excused himself since the heat had taken a toll on his body. Aomine, Kise and Murasakibara were currently playing against Akashi, Midorima and Kagami. 

Blue, fond eyes landed on the tall redhead who was grinning that feral smirk he always wore when he stood against Aomine-the reason why they almost never were on the same team (well also no one _wanted_ them on the same team since they would do nothing but argue about who had the ball right now and the passing between the two hot headed basketball players were more like _let me throw the ball at your ugly face_ -passes than team passes). It was reassuring to see Kagami smiling like that and having fun. The last year had been hard for all of them and with a gaze to his school bag Kuroko thought about how his grades had actually dropped that year. He had never been exceptional good at school and even though his grades didn´t ´get as worse as Kagamis he wasn´t proud of them. 

Sighing he leaned back and looked up at the blue sky. Summer was nearly over, the days got shorter and the air cooler but it still was warm enough to go out in a T-Shirt. The sun was slowly going down, drenching their surroundings in warm red and when Kurokos eyes found Kagamis figure again (currently defending the basket against Aomine) he noticed how well that colour suited his light. It made him glow strangely warm and soft even though his eyes were scrunched in concentration and his unique eyebrows were pulled into a frown of determination. 

Kuroko didn´t like how his crush had developed into something deeper over the time. Whenever Kagami smiled at him he felt his stomach flutter and his cheeks redden. Kagami was slowly disarming him, softly pulling down all the rusty walls he had put up when he had begun to hide his emotions behind an expression of indifference. He would like to think that he had become more open with showing his emotions since he finally had gotten his friends back but still… the way Kagami was making him feel so foolish and happy at the same time was scary. And the worst was that Kuroko couldn´t bring himself to act on his desires to be closer, just so close to his light because even though it had been over a year since the incident with Haizaki had happened and a few months since the trial had happened so finally Haizaki had been forced to pay for his sins Kagami still wasn´t really the same as before. Well, he probably will never be but sometimes the other still had bad days and when Kuroko tried to approach him or touch him like laying his hand on his shoulder the redhead would jerk away, giving Kuroko a dark or frightened look and then sit down somewhere and stare at the sky. Fortunately those days had gotten rare but still Kuroko didn´t want to risk his friendship with Kagami. 

And moreover the small blue haired boy couldn´t forget how Kagami had looked during the trial. It had not taken long for it to be over since Haizaki didn´t reject any of the accusations and the evidence was clear but the moment the redhead needed to face him Kuroko had seen how his whole face had closed down and his gaze had dropped to the ground. Kuroko knew how much that bothered the red haired boy since he wanted to appear strong and not give Haizaki the satisfaction to see him still being affected by what the other had done to him. And every time Kuroko thought back to how Haizaki had smirked when he saw Kagami and him and his teammates he could feel hot anger boiling in his guts. Haizaki hadn´t regretted what he had done-maybe he now did but Kuroko couldn´t forget the cold eyes, staring right into them. 

 

It probably hadn´t helped that they all who had received Haizakis messages, photos and videos needed to give their statement. Kuroko had sometimes glanced over to the redhead who had kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look up and when the time had come for his own statement his voice had trembled as had his whole body. It had been painful to watch and to not be able to do anything, to be there for his partner and comfort him when it was obvious how tortured he was under reliving and retelling the incident as good as he could. 

The worst was that Kuroko sometimes couldn´t supress his desires-he was a teenager after all-and even though he wasn´t the person to jerk off at every chance he got he sometimes needed to get release even if it was just to decrease the school stress. And he always felt so guilty when his thoughts began to wander and naturally it was Kagamis face and body who appeared before his eyes. He couldn´t help but wonder how Kagami would taste, feel and sound or how his big hands would feel on Kurokos skin, in his hair and how the redheads’ voice would sound. The feeling of guilt always crushed him afterwards and Kuroko felt like he dirtied his friend and himself. It was really exhausting.

“Oi, Tetsu!” Aomine shouted and interrupted Kurokos musings and he looked up at his former light.

“Switch with that guy would ya?” Aomine pointed at Kagami who stood there under the basket and glared at the other, “he looks like he would pass out at any moment” 

Kuroko chuckled when the redhead stomped over to Aomine, exclaiming that he was _very fine_ and the other Ace should shut up but Kuroko could see that his light was exhausted-being the only one who hadn´t switched out in the two hours they were already playing. “Aomine-kun is right, Kagami-kun. If you remember even he needed to sit out one game so it is not like you will lose to him” he looked at the taller boy who glared down at him, his hand still at the collar of Aomines shirt and then sighed, “it´s not that…” he murmured and let go of the other, grumbling all the way to the bench. 

“Aww, Kagami-cchi don´t be sad, I can sit with you!” Kise shouted but before he could even make a step towards the bench Kuroko jabbed him in the side. “Kise-kun will just annoy Kagami-kun further and we can´t live with a grumpy Kagami-kun.” 

“I´m not grumpy!” it came from the bench and a curse followed when the redhead hit his foot against the leg of the bench. 

“Mind your language, Taiga” Akashi reminded the other redhead and rolled his eyes. “There are still children around” 

Kuroko looked at the small group of boys and girls that had gathered behind the fence of the court after a while and smiled. They had started to cheer every time a basket was made and gave sounds of astonishment when someone-mostly Aomine, Kise or Kagami-made a fancy move. “We already know those words!” a small boy laughed and the children next to him nodded with a serious expression. 

Kagami grinned, “See? Nothing to save there!”

Midorima adjusted his glasses, “how imprudent, someone should talk to their parents…Murasakibara what are you doing?” Kuroko gazed over to the purple haired giant who had padded over to the bench and was currently searching for something in his bag. “You´re all talking and it´s boring-I got hungry.”

Akashi sighed, “Atsushi, we will take a break later so please come back for now.” Murasakibara muttered something under his breath that made Kagami laugh but no one of the rest could understand it since they stood too far away from the couple but the purple giant obediently went back into his defending position.

\--

Drinking from his water bottle Kagami lazily watched the others play, propping his chin on his hand. He would never admit it but he loved watching them play together. At least when he successfully managed to shut down the little jealous voice inside his head that told him that no matter on how good terms he was with them right now he probably could never compete with the strong friendship those guys had. His eyes tried to stay on Kuroko (he had gotten better at noticing the smaller boy, something his paranoia of being followed and watched probably had brought with it) but he lost him after a few seconds. Kuroko had managed to pull them all together again by sheer willpower and no matter how often Kuroko said he couldn´t have done it alone Kagami sometimes thought that Kuroko probably would have been able to find another guy who could play the light for him. 

Kagami shook his head and leaned back. “Stop it” he muttered to himself and recalled the words Suzuki-san had told him in one of their sessions. _Don´t belittle other peoples´ intentions by belittling yourself._ The words had somehow stung but when Kagami had thought deeper about them he had found that he needed to accept them. And he didn´t want to belittle Kurokos intentions since the smaller boy had always been (well most of the time) honest with him and had showed incredible patience with him when Kagami couldn´t bear to look into his eyes. He shouldn´t think of Kuroko that way. 

He sighed and grabbed his bag to take a bite of his lunch. Somehow he had managed to fix his relationship with every member of the Generation of Miracles-it had been hard but now that he sat here without panicking about the smell of sweat and the nearness of other equal tall guys (well most of them) he knew it had been worth it. And he could freely admit that they had played a huge part in his way out of that grey nothing he had found himself in for a long time. And Kagami was grateful, more than grateful as he had no idea how he should ever repay their kindness and patience or their words and actions. It left him a bit hanging since he didn´t like the feeling of being indebted. But Suzuki-san had told him that they were his friends and friends were meant to help each other and by opening up to them, letting them in he would have paid them back far enough. It was just really hard to believe. 

Kagami chewed on a rice ball and listened to the shouts and complains of his friends when he thought back to _how_ everything had begun to change. He had been awful in the first weeks after he started his therapy - sometimes he had gone there but more often he would wander through the city, get lost somewhere and on some occasions he would get drunk (he was lucky that he looked older than he was). He got so drunk that he couldn´t even remember his own name, speak probably or even stand up. Those evenings were the worst. He had no idea why he had done it but on sometimes he would even let random people pick him up-boy or girl, it didn´t matter-and let himself drown in alcohol and wicked pleasure. He could never truly remember what happened, the only thing he knew that on the next morning he would find himself in some alley, hotel room (how the fuck did he get in there) and when he was lucky in his own bed. His whole body would stink and was mostly covered in hickeys and bite marks or fingerprints. Sometimes he hurt so much that he couldn´t get out of bed for half of the day and he was so disgusted by himself that he couldn´t look into the mirror for the next week. 

Of course it was only a matter of time until Tatsuya would find out about his nightly visits to the probably cheapest bars and with a wince Kagami remembered the slap of Tatsuyas hand against his face. And damn had it hurt but not as much as the look of disappointment his brother had on his face. But well, Kagami had given him a lot to be disappointed about when he had called him in the middle of the day because he didn´t know where he was and the guy he had been with had been so ugly that Kagami couldn´t let him fuck him. From then on Tatsuya had always brought him to Suzuki-san, making sure that Kagami really went there whenever his schedule allowed it. And with a twist in his stomach Kagami remembered when he had talked with Suzuki-san about the times he got shitfaced at a bar and followed some random guy into the next alley-just to be used again. Because he himself didn´t really understand why he had been doing that - or maybe he didn’t want to. 

_“It is actually not uncommon for my patients but the reasons differ. Sometimes they want punish themselves or show themselves that they´re still wanted.”_

_He frowned, “Wanted? They didn´t really want me, just my body.” He winced at how cruel that sounded._

_“And what did you want?”_

He sometimes still thought about what she had said and it did make sense. He hadn´t been after whoever that person had been, he just had wanted to feel something again, a warm body, pleasure, pain - it didn´t matter and when he had told Suzuki-san about it she had smiled at him, telling him it wouldn´t be strange for him to think like that - it actually would be pretty common. But even now he wondered about what he had really wanted - or what he wanted now. Fortunately he had stopped sneaking out at night and even now that he finally lived on his own again, he didn´t seek out random people to spend the night with. He had gotten better, thanks to himself and… he smiled slightly as he looked up, following the movement of the basketball that was passed from Kise to Aomine, and thanks to those persistent bastards. Of course the first one who he had gotten closer to had been Kuroko - it had been nearly impossible to not notice how much Kagamis behaviour had been affecting his little shadow and the redhead still suffered under guilt whenever he remembered how out of it Kuroko had been in that time. 

\--

_Kuroko always said “Good morning”, no matter if he didn´t get an answer from Kagami but today the redhead planned to wish it back. He had talked to Suzuki-san that week and she had asked if he would have begun talking to his friend again. Since she had said that it was likely that it could help Kagami he planned to try and talk to Kuroko again. Starting with a simple Good morning. He could do this, he told himself and he clenched his fists in determination. It should be ridiculous how hard Kagami needed to concentrate to not freak out over a simple Good morning greeting but he decided to not give it too much thought. Student after student streamed into the classroom and Kagami raised his gaze from the table to watch out for the blue haired boy since he was so easy to overlook. Strangely his eyes caught him rather quickly - maybe because he had needed to look out for him to dodge his attempts to talk to Kagami. But he wouldn´t do that now. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched Kuroko approaching his table, eyes on his book but he looked up when he greeted Kagami, whispering a quiet good morning._

_“GOOD MORNING KUROKO!”_

_Kagami blinked, heat blooming in his face when the whole classroom suddenly quiet down under his rather… loud voice. Swallowing in embarrassment in glanced around, meeting surprised faces and startled looks-oh shit he had fucked up. Kagami fidgeted on his chair when laughter rose in the classroom._

_“Finally Kagami!” a boy grinned and surprised Kagami looked up, seeing one of his classmates laughing at him. “We thought you had died on us you know!”_

_“Huh?”_

_“Yeah”, a girl added with a smile, “Kagami-kun got so unusual quiet, we were worried”_

_Something warm pooled in his stomach and his lips twitched under a smile when he looked up to see Kuroko still standing in front of his desk with a soft and warm, maybe yearning smile on his lips and in his eyes, so beautiful that it caught Kagamis breath._

_“Good morning, Kagami-kun.” He whispered, voice a bit shaken and when Kuroko sat down Kagami could see how he wrapped his arms around himself, staring down at his table._

_“Don´t repeat yourself dumbass…” he muttered, glancing out of the window and he would have bet that Kuroko had given a soft chuckle._

_At break he followed Kuroko to the roof of the school and quietly sat down with the other second years who had welcomed him with a smile, asking where he had been._

_“Kagami-kun needed to focus on his studies.” Kuroko jumped in when Kagami found himself unable to answer._

_“E-eeh?” Fukuda let out, “studies?”_

_Kagami nodded a bit awkward, “Uh yeah, you know my… ah dad had been pressuring me a bit.” Well that wasn´t practically a lie but not the truth either._

_“Huh, will you come to practice again?”_

_Kagami blinked. Should he? Well he actually had his sport uniform with him but on the other hand… he remembered the last time when he had practiced with them and had needed to excuse himself after just half an hour because he could feel how his stomach had begun to twist and tighten, announcing another panic attack. But on the other hand…_

Get your mind off things, Kagami-kun. Do the things you love!

_Suzuki-sans words appeared in his mind and he nodded almost automatically. “Y-yeah I guess so…”_

_Kawahara grinned at him, “Haha, great, it´s gotten lonely without you!”_

_Kagami cocked his head and averted his gaze, “I-is that so?”_

_Furihata nodded, “It´s so quiet, no one screams anymore when Kuroko brings Nigou with him-“ Kagami flinched, “or fights with one of the members of the Generation of miracles” Kawahara added and Kagami jerked._

_“D-did you play against them?” he asked._

_Furihata nodded._

_“But they destroyed us.” Kuroko deadpanned, “Now that Kiyoshi has retired and one of the first years was injured we stood no chance.”_

_“Huh…” Kagami mumbled and then grinned, “Well we need to get back at them, huh?”_

_Kuroko blinked at him and Kawahara slapped him on the back, “That’s what we wanted to hear!”_

_The school bell interrupted any further conversation and when the other three second years left Kagami awkwardly stood up._

_“K-Kuroko, I´m sorry…” he mumbled, unable to meet the other boys gaze._

_“There is nothing you need to be sorry for Kagami-kun…” he answered in a soft voice and Kagami shook his head, “No-I mean yes, I should because… I shouldn´t have ignored you like I did!”_

_Kuroko smiled at him (he had done that quite a lot today Kagami wondered) and raised his fist “Kagami-kun can take as much time as he needs until he feels ready to talk to me again. I´m Kagami-kuns shadow, I will wait for Kagami-kun.”_

_The redhead could feel his throat tighten and his eyes wetting when his fist met Kurokos in a silent promise._

\--

Kagami was still getting emotional every time he remembered that afternoon but unfortunately that tender memory was followed by an angry Riko who was chasing him around the gym, not allowing him to play until he would be in a better shape again. When everyone had already gone home and Kagami had stayed back because firstly Riko had asked him to and secondly because he couldn´t shower with the other guys (he didn´t want to face their questioning about the scar on his stomach) she had given him a schedule he should follow to get into shape again as quick as possible. Kagami could still remember the moment her hard brown eyes had softened and she had asked if he was alright; if there was anything she could do for him and he still smiled about her change in demeanour. That was probably the moment he had noticed that there was something he needed to do - he couldn´t make everyone worry about him. He never wanted someone to worry about him like that and he actually had never expected that there were so many people who worried about him - Hell, his whole class had admitted that he had acted strange and that they were worried about him!

After following Suzuki-san advice to make up with Kuroko life had gotten a bit brighter. He spent a lot of time with the blue haired boy, even more than before. They did homework together, played a bit basketball and Kuroko even tried to keep up with Kagamis practice schedule but quickly gave up calling Riko inhuman for setting something like that up and Kagami inhuman for being able to follow that thing. They sometimes spend evenings watching TV until they both fell asleep during the movie and woke up tangled in each other’s arms and legs. Kagami hadn´t noticed how lonely and depraved of human contact he had been until Kuroko came along again. Sometimes he still needed his distance-on bad days he couldn´t even bear to let Kuroko touch him in any way but Kuroko was strangely accepting and understanding so it never really bothered Kagami. Since Suzuki-sans advice had been proved good Kagami had decided to follow another one. 

\--

_Is there someone you know who maybe would be able to understand the feelings you have?” She asked and Kagami frowned, “Someone who also got raped?” he asked and still flinched at the word like it physical hurt him._

_“No, I´m more or less talking about your depression.”_

_“I`m not depressed!” he argued back and she raised he thin eyebrows at him._

_“Well there may be someone…” he grumbled after a few minutes of silence, giving in-he wasn´t that stupid. He knew that he probably was depressed, at least a bit._

_That´s how Kagami found himself on the basketball court waiting for Aomine. The dark blue haired boy hadn´t stopped writing him, asking for a rematch so this time Kagami had responded and accepted the challenge, well knowing that he would lose against the other guy. But strangely he didn´t want to play to basketball against him (well he wanted, of course he did) but right no he maybe wanted to talk to him… okay, not really. Actually he didn´t want to talk at all. It was stupid, so stupid… guys didn’t talk about their feelings and why would Aomine even want to talk about it? The other was annoying, arrogant to no end but… whenever someone mentioned his slacking off and disinterest in basketball he totally closed down. So it was still bothering him but why should he talk to Kagami? They weren´t even friends!_

_Kagami frowned. On the other hand, even though they argued almost every time they met they had spent a lot of time together. Aomine had often crashed at his place, demanded food, they played Mario Cart and basketball together so… maybe they were friends? And Aomine had told Kagami he missed him so… were they friends? He shook his head. It wasn´t that important anyway. It didn´t matter what they were._

_“Oi Bakagami!” someone called and when Kagami turned around in anger at hearing his stupid nickname his movements faltered when he saw Aomine leaning against the fence of the court, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans._

_“Who are you calling Bakagami, asshole!?” he bit out and threw the ball at the other who grinned at him, dribbled past him in less than a second (that´s what it felt like) and Kagami stumbled a bit as he went after him, determined to not let him win that easily no matter how much better Aomine would be right now._

_Of course he lost but he had expected that. What he hadn´t expect was Aomine to not say anything, only deep blue eyes that looked at him when he stared back as he didn´t know what to say. His body felt exhausted but great, it was always amazing to play against Aomine. He would never admit it but he loved the style of the other player, it was beautiful, even more now that Aomine had found what he had lost before. Kagami swallowed and broke the eye contact, slightly panting. And that was what Kagami wanted to talk about._

_“Tetsu said you´re going to practice again.” Aomine announced and Kagami nodded, turning the ball between his hands. “Ah, yeah-need to catch up, huh?” he grinned a bit awkward. Aomine laughed, “It will take a lifetime if you want to catch up to me!”_

_“Oi, I will beat you! Just wait!” Kagami growled angry, “And who said anything about you?!”_

_Aomine just grinned at him because they both knew that Kagami was talking about him. Then his expression got a bit more serious and he sat down at the bank, urging Kagami to follow._

_“So, did you just want your ass to get beaten or is there something else you wanted?” the blue haired boy asked, ignoring Kagamis growl when he mentioned the redheads defeat. Kagami breathed out and closed his eyes, massaging the area between his eyes._

_“No-I mean yes, there is… something else…” he mumbled, staring at his shoes. Aomines shoes…_

_He glanced up at the other boy who had his head titled backwards, looking at the sky._

_“K-“, he swallowed, “Kuroko had once told us what had happened at Teiko and… how lost you had seemed.” When Aomine didn´t interrupt him, he continued, “he said that you didn´t have any motivation any more, were… depressed.” The sentenced hung in the air when Kagami didn´t know what to say anymore-he had planned what he would tell the other boy but now it was like the words had lost him or he lost them._

_“Well yeah…” Aomines deep voice cut through the air, making Kagami jerk. He could hear the rustling of Aomines clothes when the other searched for a comfortable sitting position. “It just seemed meaningless to do anything because at that time I was the best at it. Sometimes I couldn´t even get up and go to school and if I went to school I hung around on the roof top, skipping lessons and practice. Everything was just so boring, I have always loved playing basketball but back then there was no challenge anymore and a sport is only fun if you can play against someone, huh?”_

_Kagami nodded, “yeah I guess so…”_

_“Why do you ask?”_

_He swallowed, “I´m not sure it´s just… that sometimes I´m unable to get out of my bed, or sit at school or be with people…. It feels like I´m suffocating every time I try and it gets tiring. Everything is so tiring and I actually just wanna sleep except that I can´t and it´s… it´s driving me insane. Suzuki-san had asked me if there was someone who maybe had also experienced something like that and… I don´t know, I thought of you.” He ran his fingers through his hair, laughing quietly when he felt Aomines eyes on him. “I actually have no idea what I actually expected or if that was a good idea but-“_

_“It was a good idea” Aomine mumbled and surprise Kagami looked up, “I didn´t talk about anything that time and it did no good but… that Suzuki-san of yours must be a smart woman, is she a woman? Who is she? Is she hot?”_

_Startled Kagami blinked at him, serious blue eyes looked at him in curiosity and he began to laugh, loudly. “Oh god, you never change Ahomine, huh? Pervert!”_

_“Oi, that´s important! So it is a woman! What cup?” Aomine pouted, making Kagami laugh even harder._

_“Dumbass, she´s my therapist! I don´t know!”_

_Aomine went silent and Kagami turned his head when the eyes on him became too heavy._

_“Therapist?”_

_Kagami nodded and ran his hand through his hair, “uh, yeah-Tatsuya thought it would be a great idea and well… it´s actually not as bad as it sounds.”_

_Aomine nodded, seemingly deep in thought and Kagami really wanted to mock him but held himself back, not wanting to destroy the atmosphere._

_“Well, I guess it´s a good idea, maybe you wouldn´t be here if it weren´t for her.”_

_The redhead blinked at Aomine but the other kept his gaze ahead, not looking at Kagami. The younger one smiled and closed his eyes, “man, that´s pathetic”_

_Aomine laughed, “True, but more important now-is she hot?”_

_Kagami snorted and shook his head, “Shut up asshole.”_

_And with that they went back to where they before, bickering about anything and everything and sometimes it still got a bit emotional and they both swore to never tell anyone about that. So when they finally stood at the station, waiting for different trains Kagami felt great, his body was exhausted and so was his head, everything was bedded in a soft cushion, like he was floating on a cloud-maybe there had been something strange in one of his twenty burgers._

_When Aomine suddenly hugged him Kagami was surprised. He blinked when the other buried his face in Kagamis neck, tightening his arms around him and the redhead stiffened when he felt something wet against his skin. He swallowed. Kuroko had told him that no matter how hard and rough Aomine might appear, he actually was a crybaby. Kagami had laughed it off but now as he stood here he could believe._

_He chose to not do anything and just waited until Aomine would calm down. The other would probably be embarrassed about it and at any other day Kagami might have made fun of him but not today. Not when Aomine had nearly laid his soul bare, just next to his own._

_So when Aomine train arrived and the blue haired boy entangled himself Kagami didn´t say anything and just smiled at him, pretending not to notice the slightly red eyes._

_He still smiled when he fell on his bed that evening, his eyes as tired as his body while Tatsuya mutterings about some formulas lulled him to sleep._

\--

Since then he never had such an honest conversation with Aomine again and they never talked about it either, knowing well enough how embarrassing everything would seem once they would think about it again, so they left it to what it was.

Kagami yawned as he tilted his backwards, looking at the sky. The weather was nice and the bouncing of the ball and the voices of his friends were comforting. Most of the children who had watched them play went home, since it became rather late but not one had suggested going home and Kagami wouldn´t be the one to do that. 

“So we meet again, Kagami-kun” a voice next to him chased him out his thoughts and he blinked up at the boy that had seemed to appear out of nowhere (another Kuroko?!). 

Kagami frowned; the boy had black hair, was tall for Japanese and wore a gentle expression. 

“Who are-“

“Nijimura-senpai” 

Kagami turned around to see Akashi standing next to them, looking at the newcomer with a curious expression, a light smile on his lips.

“I´m not your senpai anymore Akashi-kun” the black haired boy smiled but Kagami tuned them out staring at his feet. His frown deepened; the boy knew him but Kagami actually couldn´t remember him-where could they have met. He took one deep breath and shook his head. It couldn´t be one of the guys he had went home with…right? Most of the time he hadn´t even used his real name, giving them the one which came the quickest to his mind so… from where did he know him?

“You seem different Kagami-kun.” Nijmura again forced him out of his thoughts and he looked up, still a bit confused. 

“The last time you seemed like a caged bird.” 

_“More like a bird with truncated wings.”_

Red eyes widened in realization and Nijmura laughed, “so you _do_ remember me!”

“Eeh, Kagamicchi knows Nijmuracchi?!” Kise exclaimed excited. “How?”

“Well I guess, knowing each other would be too much but we met, yes.” Nijmura nodded and then grabbed the basketball from Kises hands and threw it at Kagami who caught it with ease, “show me, I´m curious how you play now.” 

Kagami stared at the ball and then back at his challenger a smirk appearing on his lips and he could here Kuroko sigh next to him. 

“It seems we need to give the court to Kagami-kun”, he sat down and pushed his hand against Kagamis back.

“What? Not fair!” Aomine complained but was silenced when Kuroko send him one of his deadly glares and just grumbled under his breath as he sat down on the bench, “he will lose anyway.” 

“That you don´t know Daiki”, Akashi grabbed his water bottle and took place where Kagami had sat. The tall redhead now was standing in front on Nijmura who grinned at him, taking in the dangerous look in the red eyes, power raging through strong limps and everything in the younger boy screamed to take Nijmura down and defeat him. It remembered him of Aomine when they still were a team. 

He grinned, “then show me what you got!”

It was a good match and a long one - no one was backing down for on bit and they were head to head until Nijmura did something strange Kagami couldn´t quiet comprehend and won the match with ten to eight. 

He was panting and gasping for breath when they were finished, he obviously hadn´t have enough time to recharge and now he felt like he couldn´t move at all. When he stared down at the grey asphalt, crushing his own teeth at the feel of defeat he felt a hand ruffle his hair and when he looked up Nijmura was smiling at him. 

“It looks like the little bird learned how to fly again.” 

Kagami blushed at the stupid comment, swatting away the annoying hand, “I still lost”, he grumbled. “Well yes, but it was a good match and don´t forget that I once was the captain of those freaky guys”, he pointed at the rainbow heads and Kagamis eyes widened. 

“Uh… really?” he choked out and the other boy nodded, still watching the bickering group with a fond smile on his face, “I´m in your dept Kagami-kun.” 

The redhead cocked his head in confusion. “If it wasn´t for you and Kuroko-kun they would still be lost, so I´m grateful that they were able to find themselves again.” He smiled and patted the younger one on the back, wandering to the group to grab his bag. Kagami could see the questioning looks and how they tried to make him stay but Nijmura just laughed, waved at Kagami one last time and made his way down the street until they couldn´t see him anymore. 

“Ne ne Kagamicchi, how do you and Nijmuracchi know each other?” Kise asked after Kagami rested on the bank, shifting his face against the warm evening sun. 

“I once met him when I was wandering through the town,” he muttered and glanced at Kise who smiled brightly at him when their gazed met and Kagami quickly averted his eyes. It was still a miracle to him how Kise could always be in a good mood-well most of the time at least. Kagami knew that Kise sometimes let his mask fall, showing something rawer, sometimes dangerous and sometimes vulnerable or something in between. 

“Did you play against each other?”

Kagami nodded faintly, a bit lost in thought. “Yeah, he beat me.” 

Kise laughed, “Well he wasn´t our captain for nothing, huh?” 

“Hmh…” the redhead wondered, “so he really was?”

Kise smiled at him, “yes, after that he named Akashicchi the new captain.”

Kagami nodded and glanced at Kises smiling face, really how did he do that?

\--

_The next one Kagami decided to contact was Kise. The blonde guy hadn´t stopped messaging Kagami about anything and everything the he did and from Kuroko he knew that he had taken it even worse than anyone else given his personal history with Haizaki. Kagami had nearly winced when Kuroko gently told him so but now that he was waiting for the model he thought that yes,_ it probably was a good idea _and_ yes he was doing the right thing. _The only problem was that he didn´t want to do the right thing right now; it was probably unavoidable to talk with Kise and tell him that he wasn´t at fault but Kagami really didn´t want to. The only thing that kept him here was the fact that Kuroko would probably stare at him the next whole day and quietly judge him chickening out._

_“Kagamicchi!?” A cheery voice sounded from the other street and Kagami looked up, flinching when Kise was suddenly really close to him - how the hell was he so fast?_

_“Ahh, I´m sorry I didn´t mean to-“ Kise started babbling and Kagami rolled his eyes, “it´s fine, you just surprised me-how the hell did you get over the street so fucking fast anyway?”_

_Kise grinned, “well everyone stops for a pretty guy like me” he giggled and Kagami raised his eyes, sighing before turning around. “Whatever, what do you want to do?”_

_Kises eyes seemed to lighten up at the question and he grabbed Kagamis arm, pulling him along. “There was a shop I wanted to visit! They have beautiful clothes; maybe we could find something for Kagamicchi!”_

_Kagami cringed, “ah, I don´t know ´bout that, Ki-“_

_“Don´t say that Kagamicchi, you really need something else than black T-Shirts!”_

_“Black is just fine”, the redhead mumbled but his argument was met with deafened ears and he sighed at his own misery as Kise pulled him into the first shop out of probably many._

_\--_

_After fifteen shops Kagami lost count and now that they were sitting in a small café he had no idea where they exactly had been in the last hours and what he was going do with all the clothes Kise had bought him. He glanced at the bag beside him and sighed. He would never wear those things anyway! And with a side glance to the blonde he remembered embarrassed how Kise had insisted on buying Kagami those clothes, not moving an inch._

_“Sooo Kagamicchi, how are you?” Kise was smiling at him, elegantly sucking on his drink, his eyebrows rose in curiosity._

_“Uhm, good I guees – just fine, yeah…” he trailed off, staring out of the window before turning to Kise again, “and you?”_

_He supressed a grin when Kise began to ramble about how his days had been, how long he hadn´t been able to meet his oh-so-sweet Kurokocchi and how they needed to play basketball again. Kagami nodded eagerly at the suggestion and Kise laughed, propping his hand against his chin. “Kagamicchi really loves basketball, huh?”_

_There was something melancholic in his golden eyes that stole Kagamis breath for a short moment before he blinked and nodded a bit dumb, staring at his hands._

_“I really miss playing with Kagamicchi but…” Kise glanced outside and with a deep breath Kagami remembered just why he had asked Kise out, even endured that horror shopping trip and how Kise dressed him up like a doll. It had made him feel rather uncomfortable, changing inside a cabin when Kise stood outside and people were passing by, just metres away._

_“K-Kise, you know it´s…” he swallowed and raised his head, determined to speak even if Kise didn´t look at him, still caught up by something outside or inside his head._

_“It´s not_ your fault”, _he said with as much force as he could put inside his voice. Kise turned his head, looking at him with furrowed brows. Probably confused. Well, it wasn´t like Kagami wasn´t confused._

_“What-what happened, it´s not your fault.” He repeated and began to play with his hands as nervousness again creeped in, “I just wanted you to know since Kuroko said that you blamed yourself.”_

_“We-we all do Kagamicchi.” There was this melancholic and sad vibe in his eyes again and the redhead cocked his head in confusion._

_“But… why?”_

_Kise gave a humourless laugh , “don´t you blame us at all?”_

_Kagami shook his head. It was the truth, it wasn´t like the thought had never came up but he knew it was stupid and that nothing could have prevented it and now things just were as they were. He wasn´t much of a great thinker and he often thought that he maybe was better off that way. There was no use in searching for someone to blame… he winced silently when he remembered how his therapist had told him the same when she wanted to persuade Kagami that he himself also wasn´t to blame. Kagami closed his eyes for a moment, but that was a different story._

_“I-I can´t bear the thought that it might have never happened when I wouldn´t have been there, you know? If he had stayed in the team. He wouldn´t have a reason for doing… that.”_

_“Maybe he would just have found another reason? Maybe it would have been someone else or he would have done something else but… you never know and…” he gave Kise a quick smile, “you earned that position rightfully, right? So it was him at fault, not you, right?”_

_When Kise didn´t answer and just blinked at him Kagami grew a bit nervous. “W-well, I guess right? I mean it makes sense, doesn´t it? And if you think that it´s that way and not another it wouldn´t really-ah…” he trailed off, noticing that he had lost his red thread. He scrunched his eyebrows in anger at not being able to say what he really thinks but his fuming was interrupted when he heard Kise laugh._

_“You say some strange things sometimes Kagamicchi,” the blonde smiled and Kagami scowled at him. “Oi, don´t make fun of me asshole, I´m trying here!”_

_“Yes, yes I know” Kise chuckled and his smile grew gentler, maybe even fond, “thank you Kagamicchi.”_

_“Drop the –cchi and it might sound serious” Kagami growled but it was without bite and a warm feeling inside him told him that he was glad for Kises words._

_“So Kagamicchi, what do you wanna do next?” Kises cheery voice was back and even though Kagami was glad for the change he groaned when the blonde began to name all the shops that were so awesome that they really needed to visit them._

_“So let´s go Kagamicchi, we still have the whole day!”_

_Well fuck._

\--

“Puuhh, I´m beat, let´s call it a day”, Kise breathed and Kuroko nodded, “I agree with Kise-kun, the sun nearly set and in a few minutes we won´t be able to see the ball even more.”

“Ahhh, Kurokocchi!” Kagami sniggered at Kurokos annoyed face when Kise threw his arms around him, rubbing his cheeks against Kurokos. Over the years he had grown used to Kises exuberant show of affection towards his little shadow “Kise-kun should stay and play for himself. It´s dark so he can´t see his opponents anyway.” The small blue haired boy replied as he stabbed Kise in the side, making the taller one wince in pain. 

“So mean Kurokocchi!”

Kagami sighed and picked up his bag. It was indeed late and he still had some things to do, like doing his laundry and tidying up his little flat. He also needed to cook something since he ran out of leftovers yesterday and he wondered how he should manage all of that in such a short time. 

A shadow loomed over him and when Kagami jerked around a bit panicked; Murasakibara leaned on him, laying his head on Kagamis shoulders. His hair and breath tickled Kagamis ear and he barely could supress the urge to scratch the spot.

“I want to eat Kaga-chins food”, he mumbled, sucking on a lollipop that made sloppy and ugly noises against Kagamis ear. 

“Ugh, eat your sweets somewhere else Murasakibara!” he growled and pushed the taller one off him. “And I won´t cook for you, I still have some things to do!”

“Whaaat, but I also wanna eat your food Kagami! It´s the only thing you´re good at!” Aomine drawled and smirked at him when the redhead turned around with a furious look on his face. 

“Say what bastard?!”

“You suck at school, at basketball and at-“before he could finish that sentence Kagami stormed over to him, making Aomine back away and a moment later they were chasing each other around the basketball court, shouting insults at each other. 

Akashi sighed, “How can they still have enough energy to run around like children?” he looked over to Murasakibara who was clearly not satisfied with the situation. “Atsushi, would you be so kind and put some sense into them?” 

Murasakibara grumbled something about it being a pain but nonetheless made his way over to the fighting pair, grabbed them both by their hair and banged their heads against each other before pulling the surprised and now cursing two away from each other and forced them along. 

“Now Kaga-chin owes me a meal.” 

Kagami glared at him as he rubbed his now painfully stinging forehead. “Oi, I didn´t ask for that you asshole!”

“Kaga-chin shouldn´t be so mean. Or I will crush him.” 

The redhead stared at the purpled haired boy before he gulped and sighed at his obvious defeat in their staring contest. 

“That hurt you bastard!” Aomine raised his voice and Kagami glanced over at the other Ace who was fuming and snarling at Murasakibara. “I will crush Mine-chin too.” That successfully shut the other up. What a frightful weapon Kagami thought and glanced over at Akashi who hadn´t said anything even though he probably had set it up. 

“Okay whatever, I´ll cook for but only if-“

“Kaga-chin is so nice!” In less than a second Murasakibara was by his side, his arms against Kagami and the redhead wondered if the purple giant would be able to get any closer because that probably was impossible. 

He rolled his eyes. That was fast.

“Uhhh, great I missed your food Kagami!” To his left appeared Aomine and when Kagami nearly stumbled over something or rather someone he knew there was another one in their little group. 

“I also would enjoy Kagami-kuns cooking.” Kuroko said, as blunt as ever before he managed to sneak between Kagami and Aomine. 

“Well, that doesn´t sound too bad, “Akashi added and as Kagami looked over his shoulder with wide eyes and the smaller redhead smiled at him, also tagging along. 

“Heey, don´t just keep Kagami-cchi for yourself!” And there was Kise. 

“Well if everyone goes I guess I have no choice. Something lighter would be nice Kagami.” And of course Midorima had already made demands.

“Oi, that wasn´t meant for you!”

“Of course Kagami-kun.”

“Oh shut up, you little-“

“Please mind you language Kagami”, Midorima scolded him and Kagami already had another insult on his tongue when Murasakibara sneaked his arms around his shoulder, dragging him ahead of the group. 

“Kaga-chin, we need to hurry. I´m hungry.”

Kagami rolled his eyes. Of course he was.

\--

_It wasn´t that surprising that the next miracle he had contact with again was Murasakibara since his brother obviously was close to him. So when Tatsuya noticed how Kagami talked with Kuroko or Kise over the phone and met up with Aomine to play basketball or grab some burgers with them one day he invited Murasakibara over for dinner._

_“Tatsuya, do you-I mean, can´t you meet up at his place?” he followed his brother into the kitchen where the black haired boy grabbed some soda. Since Tatsuya had planned the evening their dinner consisted of ordering pizza and drinking soda. Not that Kagami minded – Pizza was always nice._

_Himuro sighed and sneaked through the door, making Kagami follow him again. “Taiga, Atsushi and I are friends, it´s only natural that he wants to come over.”_

_Taiga winced in guilt and rubbed over his arms. “I´m sorry Taiga, I didn´t mean to let it sound so mean. It´s just…” he put the glasses on the table and turned around to face the redhead. “I heard you talk to Kuroko and Kise. And you also met up with Aomine so I thought that it maybe would be a good time to invite Atsushi over. He misses you, you know.”_

_Kagami sighed and ran his hand through his hair in search for words when the door rang. Tatsuya smiled, “it´s going to be okay Taiga, you know Atsushi, he won´t ask many questions.”_

_Kagami nodded numbly and nervously sat down before deciding that it was easier to stay standing. He could hear Murasakibara mutter something and then how his fast and wide steps took him into the living room. Kagami froze when the purple haired boy stood in the doorway, staring at him as if he would be seeing him for the first time. Hopefully he wouldn´t rip off his eyebrows. Again._

_“Kaga-chin.”_

_He swallowed. He didn´t remember Murasakibara being so tall, like he could break Kagami with just one finger, crush him like he often liked to say without meaning it-anymore at least- and he could easily pin him down, against the floor, holding his hands together with one hand and using the other one to – Kagami shook his head, chasing the thoughts away. Murasakibara wouldn´t hurt him; against the outer appearance the other was a real softie who had the mind of a child. But still… Kagami didn´t like how easily the other could manage to overpower him._

_“M-Murasakibara”, he replied and gave a weak smile. It had been months since he had the last panic attack and he surely wouldn´t start now._

_The other cocked his head and nodded at him, a soft gesture which Kagami gave back before sitting down at the table. Silence hang over the room; Tatsuya who maybe could have broken it was somewhere else so Kagami could hear the ticking of the clock, his own breathing and if he would listen close enough even his heartbeat, pounding strong and a bit too fast in his chest._

_“Say Kaga-chin, “Kagami looked up and met deep purple eyes, “Do you still like chocolate?”_

_Kagami blinked, huh?_

_“It was the bitter one, right?”_

_The redhead nodded, still caught off guard and only followed Murasakibaras movements with his eyes as the other boy searched for something in his jacket. His eyes grew wide when Murasakibara pulled out a bar of chocolate and gave it to him with a determined expression on his face._

_“U-uhm thank you…” he mumbled, strangely touched by the gesture and that Murasakibara had remembered such a random thing about him. Moreover Murasakibara was very possessive over sweets and food and everything that belonged to him so it meant something big that he had given Kagami something like that. It was kind of sweet._

_The purpled haired boy nodded and averted his eyes, staring at his napkin and Kagami took a deep breath. Well now that Murasakibara had started, it probably was his turn to start the conversation._

_“Uhm, so… what did you eat today?” he awkwardly asked, remembering that food was the favourite topic of the purple haired giant._

_Murasakibaras face lit up at the question and when Tatsuya finally made his way back to them (Kagami had the high suspicion that his brother had planned to give them some time alone from the very start) they were in a deep conversation about food, sweets, cooking and cooking schools._

_“Pizza should be here in twenty minutes.” Tatsuya announced and Kagami chuckled when Murasakibara whined that it still would be_ so long and how he didn´t want to wait anymore. _He smiled when he watched the two bicker and it was then when he noticed how much he had missed this. It felt so natural and normal to be with them like that and it was like he had never left._

_And when Murasakibara hugged him before he left he returned the gesture, holding the other boy when he pressed his face into Kagamis neck but other than Aomine he didn´t cry, just nuzzled against the skin and told him how nice he would smell before he retreated._

_“Kaga-chin´s not afraid of me anymore?”_

_“H-huh?” The redhead spluttered, “I´m not afraid of you!”_

_Murasakibara gave him a long look before nodding and saying his goodbyes. Kagami gave a final short wave before the door fell shut and he was alone with Tatsuya again._

_“Was it that bad?” his brothers’ voice sounded from behind him and Kagami shook his head. “No… I guess it was a good idea.”_

_“Atsushi can be strangely perceptive sometimes.”_

_“I´m not afraid of him!” Kagami shouted angrily, glaring at his brother who raised his hands in defence. ”I didn´t say that”_

_“But you could as well have said it!” He stomped past the smaller boy, banging the door of his room close. Tatsuya sighed, maybe he shouldn´t have said anything._

\--

Kagami groaned in distress as he searched through his kitchen and tried to keep an eye on the basketball team inside his living room. One of them was currently in the shower but the other weren´t even trying to keep quiet as they argued about nothing and everything and battled over who would get a go at Kagamis Playstation. 

“Kagami-kun”

He would make something easy, maybe rice and he still had chicken. He would marinade it with teriyaki and then add some fried vegetables and tadaah-

“Kagami-kun!”

“Uaaaaah, Kuroko don´t do that!” 

The blue haired boy rolled his eyes, “I called Kagami-kun many times but he wouldn´t listen.”

“Ah… sorry ´bout that, I didn´t hear you”

“Obviously.” 

Kagami scratched his hair with his free hand, the other one holding on to the pack of rice. “So, what do you want?”

Kuroko frowned, “how rude. I just wanted to ask if Kagami-kun might need help.” Surprised Kagami blinked at his friend and then smiled. “Uhm, thank you”, he looked down at the pack of rice in his hand, “can cook rice?”

Kuroko rolled his eyes again, “what do you think Kagami-kun?”

When he received no reply Kuroko sighed and took the rice out of Kagamis hands. “Of course, it´s not that difficult is it?”

Kagami grinned at him, “I guess not but who knows, Midorima is an ace in school but can´t cook to save his life.”

“Well that is certainly true.” Kuroko agreed and gave a soft chuckle. 

\--  
_After the small fight with Tatsuya Kagami had decided that it would be for the best to finally have his own flat again. It seemed that when they lived together on that small space for too long they would eventually clash in a fight that maybe wasn´t that easy to overcome anymore. So now he was a proud owner of a little flat only a few minutes away from Seirin. He had bought new furniture so there was nothing now that remembered him of his old flat. For the few things that he still needed from it he had asked Tatsuya to get it since Kagami was still unable to set one foot into his old flat. His new one was a smaller, something Kagami welcomed since it wouldn´t make him feel so lost and lonely when he was alone again._

_And somehow it led to his next miraculous meeting._

_His encounter with Midorima was a strange one. Like with Murasakibara it wasn´t him who approached the green haired boy but Midorima who came to him. For a really ridiculous reason. And with his own shadow trailing after him. Ridiculous, really ridiculous._

_It only had been a few weeks since Kagami had an own flat again. So when the bell rang the only people who could come over were Kise, Aomine or Kuroko so he was rather surprised when Midorima stood in front of his door with a giggling Takao behind him._

_The redhead blinked up at the green haired boy who stared down at him with rather hard eyes and Kagami swallowed. Well, that was surprising and one more thing was that he was not good with people who were taller than him - Male and taller. Midorima was not that much taller than him but something about his aura made him seem taller than he was. It should be stupid to feel even slightly intimated by him since Kagami was much broader than him with bulkier shoulders but the redhead still swallowed when he looked back into green eyes. But at least it wasn´t as bad as it had been with Murasakibara._

_“Good afternoon Kagami.” The green haired boy greeted stiffly and a “Heeey Kagami” was heard from behind him. “Ah - hello.”_

_Kagami awkwardly shifted on his feet. He had no idea what to say; it wasn´t like he didn´t want to meet Midorima again (although it took a lot to warm up to that guy) but this here was a bit sudden._

_Red eyes focused when he caught something strange about the taller boy. “What the hell is that?”_

_Takao burst out laughing and sneaked up next to Midorima, winking at Kagami. “That´s the reason why we´re here.”_

_“I-is that a parrot?”_

_Midorima rolled his eyes, “of course not, it´s a stuffed animal version of a parrot”_

_Kagami nodded and tried not to stare too hard but it was rather difficult._

_“So it´s not real.”_

_“Of course not, that would be cruel.”_

_Kagami nodded again. “So it won´t talk either.”_

_Midorimas eyebrow twitched and Takao broke out in laughter. “I´m not going to repeat myself again.”_

_“Hey, there are stuffed parrots who actually can talk you know?”_

_“Well that one doesn´t but that isn´t the reason we came here for.”_

_Kagami nodded and stared at him, waiting for the boy to continue. When Midorima didn´t say anything Takao sighed and jumped, “Shin-chans luck is extreme bad today and he said-I still don´t believe him- that his lucky item” Takao pointed at the parrot on the slim shoulder (Kagami had guessed so far), “isn´t working today!”_

_“Uh and… why are you here?” Kagami stared at the stuffed animal; it actually looked pretty realistic and probably had been very expensive and Kagami couldn´t understand how someone could use so much money on random items he would probably never need again. But well, everyone had their own quirks._

_“Well…” Takao began but was interrupted by Midorima who obviously grew tired of their slow conversation._

_“I´m the unluckiest person today but Leo is the luckiest if he has” Midorima pulled out a hairband with black cat ears on top “this.” Kagami stared at the hairband as his brain processed the words._

_“It seems that Oha Asa has a strange kind of humour, choosing cat ears for a Leo” Takao grinned from the side and watched with a laugh how Kagamis expression turned into an angry scowl._

_“Oha Asa has no humour, it´s the voice of the stars.”_

_“Rather kinky stars, if you ask me” Takao retorted and laughed but his laughter faltered and his eyes grew suspicious as he watched his friend twitch and turn towards Kagami with a nervous vibe in his body._

_“It doesn´t imply anything sexual.” He stated and fingered with the hairband, “that would be ridiculous. But… you don´t have to wear it if you don´t want to.”_

_Takao raised his eyebrows but didn´t say anything, instead he watched how the redhead fidgeted on his feet. He looked a bit uncomfortable, one hand stuffed into his pockets while the other still hold on to the door knob._

_“Ah… and what do you now want exactly?”_

_Takao sighed. But he still was an idiot._

_“Well obviously Shin-chan wants to ask if he could spend the day with you, you know saving the damage. Your luck will compensate for his bad luck.”_

_Kagami gaped at him and Takao laughed again, “don´t look at me, it was his stupid idea.”_

_“I only got 95 points out 100 on today’s test, missed the train and stepped into dog excrements. I think my luck is very low today.”_

_Kagami raised his eyebrows, “Well some people call that a bad day, nothing more, nothing less. Tomorrow will be better.”_

_Midorimas expression darkened, “If I have the opportunity to increase my luck I will take it.” He stated and Takao sighed behind him, “Well Kagami I will leave Shin-can to you! Play nice Shin-chan!”_

_And with that he was gone and Kagami stared at the empty spot the black haired boy had stood only moments ago. “He disappeared,” he mumbled and looked back at Midorima who seemed more uncomfortable now._

_“I wouldn´t be here if I didn´t need to”, he argued and Kagami rolled his eyes. Damn tsundere._

_“Right, right-whatever, come in if you want.”_

_Midorima nodded and followed Kagami inside who closed the door behind them and swallowed. Now he was strangely nervous. When he had met up with Murasakibara his brother had been there, easing the tension whenever it rose but now he was on his own._

_“You have a nice flat, it looks different than the last one” Midorima stated as he looked around. “Brighter, I think and with more… decoration.”_

_“Uhm yeah, Tatsuya helped and he is into that kind of thing, saying it should look comfortable and like a home. Not like some hospital. It´s strange but I like it.”_

_The green haired boy nodded, “it has more colour.”_

_“Tatsuyas idea”, Kagami murmured when he put down two glasses on the table. “How did you find my flat anyway.”_

_“I asked Kise” Midorima answered, “it didn´t take much to get the answer, he is rather easy to persuade.” Kagami nodded “that´s true I guess.”_

_Uncomfortable silence followed when Kagami joined Midorima on his couch, grabbing his glass to just do something. He glanced at the other boy who seemed a bit lost in thought, sipping on his drink before a put it back on the table and-_

_“Pay attention!” Kagami shouted but it was too late and with a crash the glass fell to the ground, water spilling over the floor. Midorima just blinked and Kagami cursed, hurrying into the kitchen to get a towel and hand brush to clean up the mess._

_“I told you my luck is bad today.”_

_“Don´t use that kind of thing as an excuse you! You´re just clumsy!” the redhead glared at him as he cleaned up the broken pieces. He sighed but stubbornly kept quiet as Midorima didn´t even seem to think about an apology._

_So he cleaned up in silence and gave the green haired boy a new one, “be careful with this one”, he murmured and Midorima nodded, “my apologies. I didn´t mean to break you glass.” Kagami sighed again but then grinned and flopped down at the couch. “Doesn´t matter, it´s just a glass.”_

_Midorima nodded and the silence came again. It made Kagami uncomfortable so he desperately searched for something to say and talk about. It wasn´t like he really needed to talk, he was fine with silence but still… “So… your luck was especially bad today?” He asked and quickly glanced at the stuffed animal on the shoulder. How was Midorima able to wear something so ridiculous for the whole day?”_

_“Did you wear this at school?” he asked with big eyes and Midorima nodded and looked at Kagami as if he was a child. “Of course. It would be unthinkable what would have happened if I didn’t wear it to school.”_

_Kagami nodded as he didn´t dare to object given Midorimas serious expression. “Anyway, I already told you that I score rather low on today’s test, missed the bus and even stepped into dog excrement.”_

_“Is that all?” Kagami sighed and Midorima nodded, “And then I broke your glass.”_

_“But shouldn´t my luck compensate for your bad luck right now?” Kagami frowned – wasn´t that what Midorima was here for?_

_“Well…” Midorima averted his gaze and Kagamis eyes followed him to the cat hairband and he groaned. “Really?” Midorima nodded, “I won´t force you of course but it is necessary so your luck can compensate my bad luck.”_

_Kagami groaned again, hiding his face in his hands, “Okay-give it to me.”_

_Midorima nodded and with a sigh Kagami set up that stupid hairband. “Satisfied?!” When Midorima didn´t answer he looked at the other boy who still stared at him like Kagami was some alien. “It looks stupid, I know! Of course it does!”_

_Midorima blinked and then shook his head. He adjusted his glasses, “It´s fine. Thank you.”_

_Kagami nodded, “Okay and what do you want to do?”_

_Midorima frowned a bit, “I don´t know.” The redhead sighed, “Okay-ah, do you know Mario Cart.” The green haired boy nodded, “I played it with my sister once. I won of course.”_

_Kagami grinned and grabbed the controller, giving one to Midorima. “Well, you won´t win that easily now.”_

_“We will see.”_

_\--  
In the evening Kagami had to admit his utter defeat when Midorima won all the last ten rounds against him. _

_“Are you sure you only played against your sister?!” Kagami groaned and threw the controller next to him at the couch. Midorima nodded, “naturally.” He glanced down at his watch and stood up. “Thank you for your hospitability Kagami. I need to catch my next bus.” Kagami yawned loudly, ignoring the disapproving sound Midorima made and nodded. “Alright. Well, it was nice to see you.”_

_The redhead got startled by his own words. It had indeed been better than he thought and after the first hour they had been lost in their video game with Kagami throwing insults and yelling in anger when Midorima won again and Midorima who gave annoyed sighs and replies._

_Midorimas lips curled into a small smile and he took Kagamis hand, shaking it for a quick moment. The redhead stared at his now free hand that pulsed hot from the force Midorima had used. “Of course.” The green haired boy looked at Kagami, his eyes wandered over his face, from the right eye to the left._

_“I´m glad you are alright Kagami. We all are.” An unfamiliar gentle tone coloured Midorimas voice and Kagami swallowed. “Uh, yeah thanks”_

_Shutokus ace nodded, he then averted his gaze as a light blush rose in his cheeks. “You´re… you´re not afraid of me?”_

_Kagamis eyes went big and heat bloomed in his face. “Murasakibara said you…”_

_“I´m not afraid!” Kagami shouted angrily and stomped to the door, holding it open as an open invitation to leave._

_“I didn´t mean to offend you”, Midorima reassured, a bit caught off guard from the outburst. “I just don´t want you to make you feel uncomfortable.” Kagami glared at him and pointed on his head “Well I wore that fucking thing for you so don´t give me that shit!” he growled._

_Midorima sighed, “I´m sorry Kagami. It is only that I´m not sure about what to do and I always am so this is also a new experience for me.”_

_Kagami took a deep breath, “Just-just act like you always do. It´s freaking me out that you´re actually apologizing. You know, just do what you always do. I´m not fragile or weak, you don´t need to treat me like that.”_

_Midorima nodded, “okay, I apology –“ he straightened his back, “then I´m off.”_

_“Yeah, you do that. Oh and-” Kagami ripped the hairband off his head, “here.”_

_“Keep it, it is your lucky item. Well, it was nice to see you,” with that Midorima left Kagami standing in his doorway, scowling down at the offending object in his hand. Ridiculous._

\--

“Fuck!” Kagami exclaimed and looked down at his Shirt which now was decorated with a big wet and hot spot smelling like Teriyaki. 

“Language!” it sounded from his living room-Midorima he guessed, “oh shut up!” he shouted back and cursed when he inspected the mess on his shirt.

“Kagami-kun is clumsy” Kuroko said and Kagami glared at him. “I´m not! You just bumped into me!”

“It is rude to blame someone else Kagami-kun, I´m your guest” The blue haired boy stated as he took Kagamis place behind the cooker. “Kagami-kun should change, we are nearly finished so I will manage the rest. The shower is free anyway.”

Kagami still scowled but still followed the advice and went to his bedroom to grab another bunch of clothes. He sighed as he searched through his wardrobe. It wouldn´t have happened if Kuroko hadn´t bumped into him. He didn´t know when he had noticed that Kuroko was touching him more than before but his hands and fingers now often seemed to linger, grazing against Kagamis shirt or sometimes his naked skin. But it wasn´t only Kuroko. The rest of the Generation of Miracles also seemed to have taken up the habit of touching him or looking at him when they thought he wouldn´t notice. They weren´t as subtle as they thought they were with their open display of affection towards him. And even though it kind of flattered him that six handsome guys were interested in him Kagami had no idea how to handle that. Even though he once had searched for some kind of twisted pleasure half a year ago he had no interest in it again. And if he would react to one of them how would that affect their friendship? And Kagami valued that friendship very much. 

But still their touches made his skin tingle and their looks and glances at him made heat pool inside his stomach. He only had no idea how to approach that issue. 

Annoyed Kagami straightened his back and glared at his empty wardrobe. Since those rainbow heads had decided to come over he couldn´t do the laundry anymore and now… he was out of clothes. 

“Argh shit…” 

With a glance to the bottom of the drawer his eyes fell on a bag and he groaned. Oh god those were the clothes Kise had bought for him – there was no way he would wear that! 

But on the other hand he had no choice so with a grumble he pulled the bag out and searched through it, in hope that there would be a Shirt that wouldn´t remind him of a colour disaster. In the end he settled for a blue and white striped shirt and with a sigh he pulled the old one over his head only to see Akashi standing in his door once his head appeared out of the shirt again. 

The small redhead was staring at him and if Kagami wouldn´t be so surprised he maybe would have given it another thought but he didn´t so he just shrieked rather embarrassingly and held his T-shirt in front of his chest. 

“Ah… Akashi?”

Akashi blinked and then raised his eyes. Kagami swallowed. He knew what Akashi had been looking at and even though Kagami himself had halfway accepted the mark on his stomach it still gave him an uneasy feeling that now someone else had also seen it. 

“I´m sorry Taiga, I just wanted to let you know that Tetsuya finished dinner.” 

Kagami nodded and continued staring into the light red eyes since Akashi made no intention of leaving. 

“Uhm - could you, maybe…-?”

“Does it still hurt?” Akashi voice was soft and the question caught Kagami by surprise so he could only answer with a rather unintelligent “huh?”

“The scar.”

Kagami swallowed and turned around, grabbing the other shirt to pull it over his exposed body. 

“I didn´t mean to make you feel uncomfortable it´s just…” Akashis voice trailed off and Kagami sighed; he knew that Akashi cared for him. The redhead didn´t make it a secret but sometimes the genius didn´t seem to know much about privacy. 

“Sometimes. On bad days…” Kagami replied as casually as he could and Akashi nodded. “I mean it´s weird that it still hurts since it´s totally healed but well… it does.”

“I understand. It also happens that a person who has lost his arm still can feel pain in that arm. Phantom pain.”

Kagami chuckled, “looks like a pain Kuroko should know about.”

Akashi gave him a gentle smile, “It doesn´t work that way.”

The taller redhead rolled his eyes, “I know.” And Akashi cocked his head, “was it meant as a joke?”

Kagami sighed, “Something like that but now it´s not funny anymore.”

“I apologize. But I actually came here to tell you that Kuroko finished dinner.”

And with that he left the room, leaving Kagami to his thoughts and in his ridiculous shirt. 

“And the shirt looks good on you. Kise must have chosen it for you.”

At one point he would murder him. 

And didn´t he want to take a shower?

\--

_It wasn´t as if Kagami didn´t like Akashi but the small redhead was scarier than the height difference to Murasakibara and Midorima and even though Akashi was smiling at him when they met again Kagami couldn´t shake off the uncomfortable feeling of being watched by a predator. He still had no idea why he had agreed to meet up with Akashi-maybe it was the feeling of guilt since he had met up with everyone else of that rainbow troop - but now he wished he had declined._

_Even though Akashi was smarter than him and better at talking and making people feel comfortable – Akashi actually was quite good at it when he gave it a serious thought – he had a tendency to go over the top._

_So when Kagami waited in front of his door for the driver Akashi had sent to him he didn´t expect some expensive Italian limousine to roll up in front of his apartment. But well here it was. It was an uncomfortable ride and the redhead was glad to get off the car when they finally arrived at their aim – a huge mansion with too many windows to count and probably too many rooms to live in._

_“Good morning Taiga” Akashi greeted him and Kagami gave him a pained smile, nodding back. It was always like this when he hadn´t seen Akashi for a longer time; the calm and collected gaze always made him restless._

_“Do you happen to be acquainted with the art of horse riding?”_

_Kagami blinked down at the other boy, “Horse… riding…?”_

_Akashi nodded, “Exactly, there are beautiful bridle paths I wanted to show to you.”_

_With that Akashi turned on his heel and Kagami followed him rather dumbly behind the house. And with that one of his strangest days begun._

_He was quite proud of himself that it only took him three tries to get on the horse and he actually managed to not fall off it for the whole ride._

_They started slow with Akashi taking the lead, gracefully leading the way through tall trees and thick coppice. Kagami flexed the muscles in his legs, trying to keep his balance on the horse that Akashi had introduced him as Fox, a reddish horse. It seemed like he had a loyal older horse which followed Akashi´s at every turn so after a longer time Kagami wasn´t that afraid of falling off anymore._

_Since they were riding in comfortable silence Kagami began to pay more attention to his surroundings. He didn´t really have a sense for something like that, nature and stuff like that, but he couldn´t ignore how calm it suddenly was. The only noises were made by their horses and the singing of the birds and it made Kagami feel strangely at ease. The light was playing through the leafs, lighting the way in different patterns and with his eyes fixed above him on the thick crown Kagami rode behind Akashi, letting his thoughts wander until they were lost. He sometimes caught a bit of blueish sky and the sun was warm and tender on his skin. It felt great, peaceful even._

_“We should rest here for a moment”, Akashis voice sounded like something alien here inside the woods were everything was so silent. But Kagami nodded, throwing his on leg over the saddle only to tumble to the ground rather ungracefully and landed hard on his ass._

_“Shit”, he cursed and rubbed his behind as he got up, refusing to take the hand of a chuckling Akashi. He glared at the other boy but Akashi already led the horses to the nearby river to let them drink. Now that Kagami took a look around he noticed that they were at a rest area, wooden tables and benches were scattered over a small glade, bathing in the warm sun._

_“Taiga.” Akashi called him and when Kagami turned around the smaller boy had taken a seat at one of the tables, taking out small boxes from his bag. It was a funny sight; Kagami had never thought that Akashi was the type to enjoy nature and a picnic or even horse riding but in a way it did fit. Especially when he considered how gracefully Akashi had looked on his black horse, their colour contrasts were hard to ignore even for someone like Kagami who didn´t really have an eye for things like that._

_They ate in silence and Kagami moaned at the delicious taste of the small snacks Akashi had brought with him. “I hope it´s to you taste, I ordered the servants to make something that could fill a stomach big as a black hole.”_

_Kagami tched at that but otherwise didn´t say anything, too consumed in his food. Their small trip had been nice, it was quiet and they were all alone._

_…_

_Kagamis eyes widened and he thickly swallowed the last piece of the riceball. With uncertain eyes he glanced at Akashi who also seemed focused on eating his food. There was no way Akashi could overpower him physically but on the other hand… if he pulled that crazy move that always got knots into Kagamis legs and made him fall on his ass he could overpower him... But why would he do that?_

_Just because they were alone didn´t mean Akashi planned something strange. And he had been very concerned about Kagamis health so it wouldn´t make sense for him to act hostile towards him. He actually had no idea what the other could do to him anyway._

_“Tetsuya mentioned that you were participating basketball practice again.” Akashi stated, calling Kagami out of his thoughts and the taller one frowned. Why the hell were they talking so much about him when he wasn´t there? “Ah yes, I need to do a bit of catching up again, you know. Getting into shape.” He could feel Akashis eyes on his body as they wandered over his shoulder and his chest. He uncomfortably shifted on the bench, grabbing the riceball in his hands a bit harder than needed. “Of course. It´s obvious that your body suffered under the break of your training.” The taller redhead winced slightly but nodded. “Uh yeah…”_

_“But I – and Rakuzan - look forward to face you and Seirin in a practice match again. We actually have one planned next week.”_

_“Eeeh, is that so?” Kagami shouted and Akashi massaged the area between his eyes, “lower your voice Taiga and yes, but I´m certain that your coach already let you know about that fact.” Kagami averted his eyes and scratched his head in slight embarrassment, “ah yeah maybe…”_

_Akashi sighed and folded his hands on his lap. “Anyway how is Rakuzan holding up”? Kagami asked, taking a bite of the riceball and moaned at the taste of chicken inside it._

_The next hours they spend debating and talking about basketball, their schools, tests and what to do after school. It didn´t surprise Kagami that Akashi had a very clear idea about what he would do after school while he himself still felt absolutely lost. They had just began talking about Kagamis talent for cooking when the first raindrop landed on his nose and after the first one followed a second and soon it was pouring from the sky like someone dumped a whole swimming pool on them._

_They couldn´t ride fast enough to escape the rain and even though the leaf crowns protected the half of the way they were drenched to their bones once the horses arrived at the gateway to the Akashi mansion. Two servants led the horses to their stables and Kagami quickly followed Akashi into the house. His jaw nearly kissed the floor when he looked around, taking in the giant hallway. It looked stunning, maybe a bit too much but still beautiful. The walls were of old wood with pictures carved into them and the stairway to the second floor was wide and laid-out with a heavy carpet._

_“I apologize Taiga, it wasn´t supposed to rain today.” Kagami turned around and a smile curled on his lips when he was met with a frowning and drenched Akashi who was obviously unsatisfied with the situation. “Well even the great Akashi can´t control the weather”, he laughed and chuckled when Akashi frown deepened. “How unfortunate.”_

_Kagami grinned, “but it was fun. Really fun, I would have never guessed you´re into that stuff.” Akashi lifted an eyebrow, “Well, it also was quite surprising to see you having an eye for nature.” Kagami blushed lightly, “well yes, I liked it – so what?”_

_“I didn´t mean it as an offense Taiga.”_

_“Well yeah.”_

_“Anyway, I think we are in need of dry clothes and – “ Kagamis stomach growled and the blush deepened as the redhead averted his eyes, “something to eat” Akashi chuckled, “but I thought of this – well not the rain obviously but your stomach, it is pretty predictable.”_

_Akashis eyes wandered over his body and he sighed, “well I have to look if my father has something that might fit you. His wardrobe doesn´t really fit your style or the word comfortable but maybe I am certain will find something.” Akashi led him into a smaller room with a small dark table in front of a fireplace that was lit and two armchairs. “Please wait here until I return with you clothes, the fire should warm you well enough for the next minutes.”_

_So Kagami waited, looked around the room and opened all the doors that the room had. Which was two, taking out the one they came through. But all he could see was another long floor with many windows and doors. Had Akashi lived here since his childhood? It must be pretty empty and lonely and from Kuroko he knew a bit about how strict his father was. Akashi had once told him that he early lost his mother who he loved with all his heart and maybe that was the point where they had begun to get along because Kagami had also lost his mother at an early point and somehow they were able to relate to each other over the early loss of their parents. But the friendship he had gained over such a sad thing made the loss a bit lighter._

_“I hope these will fit you.” Akashi had entered the room again, now in fresh clothes and with a towel around his neck, “there is a small room on the left side of the hallway. You can change in there.”_

_Kagami muttered his thanks and even though the clothes were a bit small he was grateful for dry pants and a warm pullover. But what was even better was the meal Akashi presented him with and with the clothes warming his skin and the food warming his insides he felt all fuzzy and comfortable and rather sleepy._

_“May I ask a question Taiga?” Akashi laid his chopstick to the side. Kagami nodded, “sure”._

_“How are you these days?”_

_Kagami frowned, “what do you mean?”_

_The smaller redhead didn´t say anything and just stared at him so Kagami sighed. Why did they all want to know? It didn’t have anything to do with them!”_

“Because they are your friends and they care about you Kagami-kun. We already talked about that.”

_Suzuki-sans voice sounded in his head and Kagami let his chin plop onto his hand. “Well fine I guess. It helps a lot to not be alone anymore you know. Takes my mind off of things.”_

_Akashi nodded and seemed to hesitate before raising his voice again. “What changed it?”_

_“It? You mean why it got better?” Akashi nodded and Kagami sighed again. He looked out of the window following the raindrops down the glass with his eyes. “Well Tatsuya… kinda´ forced me – well not really but somehow… ah anyway, well I went and still go to a… ah – “_

_“therapist?” Akashi finished his sentence since and Kagamis head swiped around. “Huh? Ah well-uh, yes, how - ?”_

_Akashi smiled, “Well, I recommended her to your brother, Tatsuya was it, right?” Kagami nodded a bit dumb, “But when – “_

_Akashi sighed, “Atsushi talked to me, saying Tatsuya would be at loss how to help you.” Kagami averted his eyes in guilt, tightening his fists on his lab, “ Suzuki-san helped me a lot after our defeat at the winter cup so I thought she would be able to help you to. Moreover she can talk English and Japanese.”_

_Kagami looked up in surprise, “- helped you too? What do you mean?”_

_Akashi nodded, “I never knew defeat before, so it was difficult for me to approach my usual business with the same certainty and mind-set as before. She helped me to get it back or rather change it into something else.”_

_“Oh… I didn´t know…” Kagami murmured and Akashi smiled, “I wasn´t keen on someone finding out – even Tetsuya does not know. Or maybe he does but without my consent.”_

_Kagami smiled at that, “yeah maybe he does.”_

_It was dark when Akashi bid him goodbye, placing two light kisses on Kagamis cheeks that made crimson eyes widen comically and high cheeks blush in embarrassment. Akashis approach had been way too sudden for Kagami to back away or react in anger so he just stared out of the window of the car when the driver set off to drive him back. He yawned and mumbled something incoherent to himself. Why the hell had Akashi kissed him on the cheeks?! The smaller boy had just smiled at him, saying he always had a weakness for French culture but Kagami would have never thought that someone like Akashi who valued privacy and everything that came along with it would invade his personal space like that. And kiss him on the cheeks. Even Kise wouldn´t go that far! Although Akashis kiss had something graceful that Kise would never possess Kagami still felt restless by it and the meaning of the gesture._

_Kagami sighed and stared outside. He couldn´t wait to get home and fall in his bed. And he would definitely sleep in tomorrow._

\--

Kagami cracked his neck as he got out of the bathroom after a quick shower. He had pondered about taking a shower or not but one sniff at his armpits had made the decision for him. And now he was greeted with the delicious smell of food that made his stomach growl in anticipation. He yawned and stretched his arms over his neck, enjoying how the hot showed had lessened the sore feeling in his muscles. 

But something was definitely wrong. When he had quickly jumped into the shower the basketball jerks in his living room had made no secret of their annoyance to wait for him but now it was really quiet – too quiet, actually far too quiet. 

Rubin eyes widened; they better not have eaten all the food, leaving Kagami hungry! He hurried his steps, but froze when he suddenly heard Kises voice, “aww, how cute he looks!” and then Kurokos, “Kagami-kun is always cute but this one is really… special.” If it was possible Kagamis eyes widened even more. What the hell were they looking at? He didn´t let anything lay around that could possible made six basketball prodigies call him cute! He had no embarrassing photo albums of him as a kid so what were they looking at?

“Oi, who are you calling cute you bastards?!” he shouted when he entered the living room, still drying his wet hair with a towel. 

Nervous looks were exchanged between the six members of the Generation of Miracles and if Kagami wouldn’t have been suspicious from the very start he sure was it now. 

“Hey, I asked you a – “ As quick as Midorima tried to hide something behind his back as fast Kagami was there to steal it from him, grinning in triumph when he grabbed the mobile phone with one move. 

“Uhm Kagami, whatever you see there is a – “ 

“What the fuck is that!?” the redhead shouted and Kuroko winced, holding his hands over his ears. “Please don´t scream like that Kagami-kun.” The redhead ignored him as he still stared at the picture on Midorimas screen. 

“good reason for that”, Midorima ended and sighed. “I didn´t intend to let them see the picture but they didn´t leave me any choice.” 

“Why the hell do you have it in the first place?!” Kagami yelled embarrassment clear in his face and Midorima averted his eyes, adjusting his glasses. The redhead stared at the picture that showed him, wearing that stupid hairband with cat ears that Midorima requested him to wear that one day. It was taken from the side, probably when they had been playing Mario Cart. 

“As I said, there is a good reason why I have this picture. The way from your house to mine is rather long so to avert any misfortune that would have happened otherwise I kept the photo. It was only for astrologic reasons.” Midorimas stated and Kagami looked at him with sceptical eyes. “Well and why do you still have it?” he asked and began to search for the delete button that needed to be somewhere on the phone. “I… forgot.” Kagami raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “You… forgot.” He snorted, “I don´t think it is possible for you to forget something like that.” 

“Aww Kagami-cchi don´t be so hard on him, I bet he like the photo and just kept it.” 

Aomine nodded, “no big deal”. 

“No big deal?!” Kagami shouted “Easy for you to say! You´re not the one looking ridiculous!” 

“You always look ridiculous” Aomine sniggered and the redhead snorted in anger. 

“You walked right into that one Kagami-kun”, Kuroko sighed from the side and snatched Midorimas phone from his hand. 

“You little shit give it back and let me delete that stupid photo!” Kagami panicked and tried to chase after his shadow but was prevented by two long arms that sneaked around his torso and pulled him back. “But we like that photo of Kaga-chin”, Murasakibara mumbled and Kagami could feel his face flush right down to his neck. Annoying, they were so annoying!

“Well it´s not yours so give it back!” he struggled against Murasakibaras hold but it was no use as the arms around him only tightened. 

“It is actually my mobile phone”, Midorimas voice sounded and Aomine laughed, “See Kagami? It´s ours now.” 

“The photo is of me so it can´t be yours!”

“That is easy to solve.” Akashi took a step towards him, smiling that gentle and reassuring smile that always made Kagami swallow and feel like a little child again. 

“You are ours anyway, Taiga”

He blinked at him, “come again?” Kuroko laughed quietly next to him and shook his head, “what Akashi-kun meant was that we are your friends Kagami-kun so you belong to us as much as we belong to you.” 

“Well that is a strange way of putting it, right?” Kagami stuttered out, caught off guard by the sudden change of topic. Someone pulled his wrist and with a surprise noise he landed on the sofa between Aomine and Kise who had bickered about something the whole time. 

“Akashi always says strange things and – fuck!” Kagami laughed at his rival when Akashi signalled Murasakibara to punch the blue haired boy in his sides and Aomine was swearing quietly in pain. 

“My vocabulary is only more sophisticated than yours Daiki. Don´t use your ignorance of words against someone who is superior to you on that topic.” Kagami quivered under Akashis voice even though the words weren´t meant for him and he could see Aomine doing the same. 

“You´re just making it more difficult for Kagami-cchi to understand”, Kise intervened with a cheery voice and Kagami ignored Midorimas “everything seems too difficult to him” and let Kise talk, “it´s only important that we like Kagami-cchi and Kagami-cchi likes us.” Kise smiled and Kagami raised his eyebrows waiting for him for continue. The model started fidgeting on his seat, “ah that´s everything…” he laughed, “I mean it´s obvious right? You´re one of us Kagami-cchi so you belong to us. Easy as that.” 

Kuroko sighed, “Kise-kun is dumb but he is right Kagami-kun, you´re one of us so…” he looked a bit unsure for a moment, “we won´t let anything bad happen to you.” He stated and by the silence that followed Kagami could feel that this was something important to them and even though he could die of embarrassment right now he smiled. “Yeah I know. Thank you.” 

Kuroko nodded, “Anyway I´m sure you´re hungry and – “ Kagamis stomach grumbled at the thought of food, making him forget about that stupid photo and Kuroko chuckled lightly, “ I think we should eat.” 

“Finally, this whole mushy talking thing killed my brain cells.” Aomine yawned and stalked into the kitchen. “What brain cells Ahomine?!” Kagami called after him before following the blue head, dodging his attempts to pull him into a headlock. Akashi rolled his eyes and Kuroko sighed when Kise joined the couple in their bickering, probably ending as the victim of both verbal jabs and insults. “They will steal all the food”, Murasakibara murmured annoyed and caught up with the trio with three long steps. 

“It seems that the real topic of the conversation was avoided again”, Akashi said and Kuroko glanced at him. “Do you think so Akashi-kun?” 

“Well we didn´t make our proposal very clear.” 

Kuroko gave a small smile, “I think Kagami-kun knows more than we think. He can be perceptive at times.” They both were quiet for a while, listening to the argument in the kitchen over who would get to eat first. “We made clear that we care about him and I think Kagami-kun understood more than we said out of the conversation.” 

Akashi nodded, “You may be right about that Tetsuya.” 

“Well do you care to get a bit of that delicious food?” 

“Actually…” Akashi began but paused when a shattering noise was heard from the kitchen and Kagami began to swear half in English and half in Japanese. “Why not, someone needs to give them a leading hand.”

Kuroko nodded, “the world would sink into chaos if they were left on their own.” Midorima who had been quiet all the time also stood up next to them. “You are spending too much time with Kagami. You are becoming irrational overdramatic.” They all gave a small wince when another sound of a breaking plate reached their ears. “But maybe you are right.” 

\--

When Kagami sat between Kuroko and Murasakibara on his couch, eating the hot food he and Kuroko had wipped out he smiled to himself when he remembered Akashis words. _You are ours anyway, Taiga_. It was possessive and Kagami probably shouldn´t feel that happy about it but he finally felt as if he found somewhere to belong to and it was a really nice feeling. Warm and fuzzy and comfortable. 

The incident with Haizaki had begun to fade into the back of his mind and under the talking and arguing of the six boys around him the voice of Haizaki couldn´t speak up anymore and if she tried, someone else´s voice was too loud for Kagami to hear it. He felt at peace. 

_We are your friends Kagami-kun so you belong to us as much as we belong to you._

And maybe it was as easy as that. 

\--

“Yo Midorima, do have more pictures of Kagami wearing stuff?” Aomines voice interrupted Kagamis peaceful thoughts and his head jerked around to glare at the blue haired boy. “What the – “

“Ohhh yes or does Oha Asa wants Leo to wear something funny?” Kise interrupted and Kagami could murder him with his eyes if he wouldn´t be sitting too far away. “But Kagami-cchi I just noticed that you´re wearing the shirt I bought for you!” Kises head appeared next to Murasakibaras shoulder. “It looks really good on you!” 

Kagami could feel his cheeks redden at the compliment; “I only have those clothes right now because you decided to come over and bother me!” he accusingly glared at the meal on his plate. 

“Ah admit it Kagami, you like us being here!” Aomine grinned and Murasakibara nodded, sill chewing on his food, “Kaga-chin looks happy when we come over.” 

“I-I don´t look _happy_!” the redhead spluttered. 

“Hmh… but Muro-chin also said it.” Murasakibara pouted. 

“Well _Muro-chin_ can go and fuck himself!” Kagami grumbled. 

“I will tell him you said that” Murasakibara smiled smugly and Kagami nearly choked on his rice. “I take it back! I take it back!” 

“No can do” Murasakibara stated and Kagami groaned, “he will kill me” 

“He won´t” Murasakibara mumbled, “and if he tries we will protect Kaga-chin like we promised.” 

“… yeah, you do that…” the redhead murmured in a soft voice and met six disbelieving eye pairs all in a different colour when he looked up. “What? You said it right? Because I…” he didn´t finish the sentence and instead looked away with furrowed brows and reddened cheeks. Kuroko smiled, “Yes of course Kagami-kun.”

_Because I belong to you._

…

“Although Himuro-sans anger would be understandable. We might need to change the contract.” 

“Kuroko you little shit! And what contract?!”

\--

At the end of the day Kagami was exhausted and he nearly fell asleep as soon as his body touched the soft bed but his eyes caught his blinking phone and with a yawn he opened the message from Kuroko and smiled at the image. 

He and Aomine were arguing about something on the photo while Kise gave his most charming smile, clinging to Kuroko who smiled slightly into the camera. Murasakibara was hanging somewhere in the background and Kagami remembered how he complained about something while Akashi was his graceful self, sitting on Kagamis couch next to a stoic Midorima with folded hands.

Kagami chuckled and put the phone back on the night stand after typing a short message back to Kuroko. 

_Thank you._

Yeah, he could live with that. 

 

-End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, what do you say?
> 
> I hope it wasn´t too confusing with all the flashbacks and there weren´t too many mistakes! (I really should get a beta^^) 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked it and I´m curious about what you think :) Should I write a sequel? 
> 
> Soo, thank you again to all the people who read and reviewed and left kudos, youre really awesome!!
> 
> I hope to read you again! 
> 
> Lot of love, 
> 
> Anon!

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm, so what do you think? I can´t believe I did this to my baby and I even like Haizaki in a strange way... haa, well I always love to torture my darlings...  
> please leave reviews and kudos if you liked it :)


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